I had to tell my fiance this is a satire. He said it’s difficult nowadays to tell the difference.

Craig Leonard (Roofer)

“I just think it would be weird if we scapegoated them for a bunch of stuff for like 40 years and then didn’t go to war with them.”

------“I don’t even know if I’m a person with my own thoughts, or if I just think whatever TV and the internet programs me to think. I’m so mired in ideology that even when I attempt to strip away what you might consider the external rhetoric that I’ve inherited, it’s hard to tell if anything truly remains of my being. Given that existential quagmire, I can either spend every day in a quasi-schizophrenic panic, or I can comfort myself with the mass-produced ideal that I’ve been invited to accept, which in this case is going to war with China.”-----

okay which one of you infiltrated the Onion and posted based shit again?

The onion is no longer satire.

"Ever since I heard about nuclear weapons, I’ve always wanted to experience one myself.”

Oh, I love this one - “I think the recent successes of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan show that we’re ready to take on a much more formidable opponent.”.

It’s like, “Hey, why not, really? We gotta prove we can, right?”.

The problem, of course, being, some actually think like that.

If the last couple years have taught me anything, it’s that the Onion is published by people have either a time machine, or a tap on the CIA’s phone lines.

A little long but it set up the punchline at the very end so nicely

Yao Ming do be too tall tbh

Dallas Castillo is on to something