My dad smokes a lot, he has anger issues because of that. Yesterday, on a trip, he kept taunting my mom and raging on the road and making the stupidest of decisions but I kept my mouth shut as always.
Today, I lost my shit. I defensively explained why I couldn’t get the exact type of grocery he wanted. He tosses the sugar into the floor and slaps me. I lose sight of reason and start choking him. I’m now in my room with lights out and he’s off somewhere, probably smoking.
I tried calling him, and asked to apologize to him through SMS. No response, obviously.
I’m posting this on lemmygrad because I trust the people here a lot. Most other people have problems of their own.
If there are any Muslim comrades reading this, do you think there is anything in specific I should add when apologizing? Thank you.
If I was in your situation, I wouldn’t feel like I needed to apologize. He stepped up by getting physical first, and you responded.
I get that there’s probably some differences in our family backgrounds, so that’s not super helpful.
Idk if I’d accept that nicotine is what’s causing him to be physically abusive, though maybe it exacerbates it. I don’t think you’re going to be able to change his behaviors, but you can absolutely give him an object lesson on why it’s a bad idea to act out on/around you.
Idk homie. It seems like a bad situation that it’d be best to be out of, if possible.
I might be wrong about this, but I don’t think muslim families are too different from christian families. The father is the master.
Of course, because western countries have reached higher development, the family structure has begun to change. This has to yet to happen on the same scale in my country.
I don’t want to talk to him about his behavior, it’s not worth it. He is not the worst father. He has supported me throughout my life, he sees me as some sort of successor, he used to come to me to spy on my mother or my sister when he’d have an argument with them.
I don’t want to cut him out of my life, not like I can for the moment. But I realize that I can’t get as close to my father as I want to. I hope that I don’t become like him in the future.
When you get older, you could reasonably end up with a family of your own. Try asking your father for examples of what it means to be the father of a family, from what one ought to protect it and why, and how to lead it in a just and kind way. You may not seek his advice in earnest, however you won’t ask these questions for yourself, but for him. By asking him for concrete examples, you might get his gears turning to reflect on his past actions, and on what sort of father he wants to be.
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through that.
If you are a kid, that sounds like a rough environment to grow up in, and I hope you do what you can to be the best person you can be when you leave that house.
I’m 24 years old. I have a faint memory of fighting my dad in the past, I can’t tell if it was real or a dream.
I did not feel anything today. I didn’t feel his slaps, and I didn’t cry. I didn’t even feel any regret until a few minutes later.
My dad has a bad side that shows a lot, but I have to remember that he has supported me in my life and continues to support me. I’m 24 and still am not independent.
I just wish that he could quit his smoking because it’s destroying his life and causing arguments not only between us but also between his siblings and every other person that he meets.
You are not responsible for the behavior of others. Clearly you have tried as best as you could. Perhaps addressing the material reasons to why he smokes and why he hits people perhaps he is stressed and can’t show sadness or express frustration in a healthy way. But if he does not want to change, that is not really on you.
You being dependent on them does not necessarily help him nor hurt him. Maybe finding work to get yourself an apartment will make it harder for him to hurt you physically. Or a friend’s house. One of my friends often ran to a friend’s house often when a family member had tantrums and hurt the other family members. They are jaded towards humanity as a result of those experiences.
Sorry to hear that you are complaining to this site publicly. You can have friends that aren’t marxist if marxists are hard to find in your area IRL. I don’t know what services are available to you in your country to recommend. I’m not a therapist but you might have CPTSD and therapy can make your life better later.
I’m not a Muslim per se but all that I need to know is that you are a human. I live in Burgerland and family values are wierd compared to everywhere else. I don’t know your gender nor the gender expecations of Morocco. Take my advice with a grain of salt, because at the end of the day, you need to make decisions about your life because you are most informed on your life compared to a stranger on the internet.
It’s important to learn what you can control and what you can’t control. An individual is weak in power but can be quicker in what actions can be taken. A community has more options available but moves slower in taking actions. Don’t burden yourself with the responsibilities of others and maybe laugh at the absurdity of your situation, and take action to what you see is the right thing to do.
Thank you, comrade. I just came back from apologizing to him, but not after listening to his monologue about how I’m arrogant and that I will throw him out of his hospital bed when he’s old. He went on and on about his father and his relationship with him.
I guess what’s left to do now is to regain his trust by keeping quiet and preventing mistakes from happening again.
You are human and will make mistakes. Forgiving yourself is very important. Slapping someone over groceries is not OK.
It sounds like you are dealing with inter-generational trauma.
I hope you look out for yourself comrade!
maybe it would be wise to wait that things get calm, and then say him that you’re sorry for being aggressive, but that he needs to think more about how everyone feels when he acts like that
Be honest with him. Offer to go to therapy with him.
I don’t have enough money to go to the dentist. Therapy will wait until I’m older.
with you comrade, stay strong
I don’t think you did anything wrong, to be honest.
Honestly, you were extremely tame considering the circumstances. I wouldn’t apologize at all, man sounds abusive.
Late, but make sure you apologize in a way that recognizes his suffering, confronts his part, acknowledges your own part, and stands firm; don’t overly prostrate yourself and take whole responsibility. It would also likely have to be paired with a bigger conversation about his smoking and how it may generally affect his behavior. Allow him to talk but don’t let him twist things.
