He/him. 24. Constantly on the brink of outright doxxing myself.
I fear no glowies. Come get me.
For sure for sure, got abt 10 hours left and I’d wager by the end of the night I’m never doing this again lol.
Thankfully the union has been keeping management on their toes and they’re doing their absolute best at accomodating whatever I need. Breaks, sit-downs, whatever. They know I’m doing them a favor and not the other way around, and I (very politely) will continue to let them know it. 😈
mfw I’m feelin str8 devious because I’m being allowed basic human rights on a 14 hr shift lmao
Ah, the funniest thing in my experience is how little “Maoists” actually uphold Mao. Much of the modern ideology is based on the works of Gonzalo (even the “non-Gonzaloist” Maoists), Sison, J. Moufawad-Paul, etc. In those circles I once frequented Mao is little more than a lionized historical figure who did communism correctly (and it was the last time it has ever or will ever be done correctly 🙄)
MLM was ‘synthesized’ by a group known as the Revolutionary Internationalist Movement as well as Amerikan groups like the revcoms / RCP. Those are the true progenitors of the ideology.
Are you strictly monogamous? Because maybe something else could happen if you were like “well, it’s okay if you like someone else also, I’m no jealous”, but yeah.
I have had nonmonogamy perhaps unintentionally weaponized against me. When we opened up my last relationship, it was under the pretext that it would be just sex.
Well, they immediately caught feelings for another guy and approached me about a potential second boyfriend. Whoo. I capitulated.
Then sex work came around. I was not happy my partner was engaging in the sex trade, being r***d in my eyes (and ostensibly even in theirs) when we had other avenues to survive. I made myself very clear about my discomfort, at least I thought, but told my partner they were an adult individual.
I am open to the idea of nonmonogamy but I lean monogamous personally, and have an inherent romantic distrust of anyone who presents themselves as polyamorous etc. mainly because it’s been used against me before pretty intensely. I also just don’t have the energy to sustain multiple partners.
It will be a difficult process to reconcile my personally novel understanding of radical honesty with the potentialities of clinginess and neediness. What is the healthy alternative to clinginess or neediness?
Tryna come to a new understanding of where the line is or should be. I talk a lot, but I also know I usually listen well. Should I seek connection with people who do the same and love spam? Is it merely a personality trait to be a “hopeless romantic” and strongly desire attention from another, or do I have to radically change my perspective? How much of it is simple social desperation? How much of it is me, and how much of it is an unhealthy desire for attention?
These questions are rhetorical and not! I invite critique and personal reflections.
For context on the spam, it was mostly just what I thought of as generally positive affirmations. Don’t stress, hope ur day is going well, etc. Otherwise updates about cool things I was doing for my birthday.
I am unsure if I could find myself interested in someone in a healthy way without receiving reciprocated intense curiosity. I love talking and connecting, maybe too much.
How do you fight that? How have you been working to undo years of conditioning which tries to exert its force on us every second of every day, internally and externally?
Very carefully. 🥴 My inner patriarch (aka my father’s reflection) is a narcissistic asshole who loves to be le epic breadwinner. I try to counter it of course, I don’t know. I have to remember that in every aspect of myself, there are imbalances to everything. For the negative, there is positive, for the light, there is shadow.
For instance, I am incredibly generous. I’m also incredibly broke. When I have money or things, I love to give it to people. I’m in the negative in my bank account rn and I gave a homeless lady 15 bucks a few days ago and I do not regret it. Those are the traits of the person who I aspire to be, who I fight to be. (Less broke would be nice tho)
On the flipside, I can also be quite cheap. I have expected similar expressions of generosity from others when I fell on hard times. I have refrained from giving gifts because I could not afford to buy something (I mean, I couldn’t if I wanted to eat, but still) where others have given me plenty. I have even weaponized money against people, albeit unintentionally.
The breadwinner mentality is a contradiction. It is generosity and selfishness. It is stability and financial control over others. It is respect and disrespect. Probably a good move to synthesize some new mentalities that trend towards the formers and away from the latters, and I believe that can be achieved via deep introspection and practice in the real world.
Journaling and meditation are both so based. It’s been difficult for me to accept them as genuinely helpful and not a waste of time, but my thoughts often race at a million miles an hour and both of these things help actualize them for me, help pardon the abstract for the real.
On journaling, if you have a lot to say and no one to say it to, say it to yourself. Actualize it. Out loud or on paper. It becomes tangible, imprinted on reality. There exists at least one person at all interested in reading it, too - its writer - we should see what he has to think about it after a night or two’s sleep.
I also like getting really high and watching Deep Space 9 to cope. There are so many representations of positive masculinity in this show to keep track of, and I want to emulate every one I see.
Haha it’s only a natural response! “Men’s Liberation”… from what? Usually feminism. 🙄 From patriarchy! Thank you for your kind words tho and I’m excited to see what lessons we can learn together 🙏
I’m hoping for a bit of both! I have the idea right now of picking out my favorite passages, quotes, pages etc. from the book and having scheduled discussion posts. I also want people to feel absolutely free to share their experiences with men or with being a man, with masculinity. I’m personally about to write a post about how I fucked up today! 😊
my friends I know it sounds so whatever speaking as the gender that more obviously benefits from patriarchy but bruh being a man is exhausting
I’ve also been finding this book extremely insightful, catching myself nodding many times going, “Wow… that is me… never met Bell and she sees right through me…”
I feel you 100%. It feels so strange to say that I needed this, I needed to witness my traumas and faults deconstructed and be led to alternatives, a healthier path to masculinity and self-love.
My inability to manage my own rage has ended up with me involuntarily hospitalized from acts of self harm a number of times, to the tune of about $15,000.00 USD per incident in medical costs. Patriarchy is fucking real comrades.
I have limited experience with hospitalization. Ten years ago when I was a young teen I was hospitalized in a juvenile center because I told my doctor that I wanted to redacted myself but lacked the energy. I was let go after a week and a day because my insurance stopped paying for care. I realize now that much of the reason I wanted to end it all was because I couldn’t control my life, and embarassingly yet honestly I couldn’t dominate the attention and emotions of the women around me.
Parents were neglectful, busy and horribly depressed themselves. Attention and love was a commodity I was willing to destroy people for. The consciousness of others never entered the equation. I needed love and I would get it by any means necessary, including emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse. It was awful, but I forgive myself and have been forgiven by those I hurt, thankfully.
While reading this I’ve been hoping to find people to talk about this with, and I look forward to finally be a part of a like minded support network to help each other grow and explore our personal experiences.
I am so happy to hear about your excitement for this project, as I most certainly am excited, too!
When it comes to feminist praxis, I’ve found myself stuck on what to do as a man. I believe I have found the answer, or at least the beginning of one… we gotta evolve and destroy the shackles that bind us from actualizing ourselves and others, the shackles that bind us from complete empathy and genuine love. We gotta destroy our socialized inclination towards violence and domination and forge a new manhood based around mutual respect, honor, integrity and true strength - the strength not to harm, but to support, uplift and defend others. That’s what I think, anyway. 😊
Ukraine will have state-mandated girlfriends. It’s a fuckin reddit country alright.
We’ve got a prospective NFT based economy, they replaced a statue of Lenin with Darth fucking Vader, I just don’t get it.
I am morbidly curious of on Facebook/Twitter/other hellholes what kind of discourse is being generated by this news if any. My eyes would likely melt out of my skull at the site of johns and pseudo-feminists giving this idea praise. Entrepreneurial girlbosses supporting the brave Ukrainian troops!
mfw like fuckin 20% of this community is straight up trans lol
just ignore all the pro-lgbt shit we’ve constantly posted, personal stories regarding our struggles w it
ignore all the pages-long critiques of patriarchy and misogyny.
these are those people incapable of accepting truth when it opposes their own view. they dehumanize us and anoint us reactionary homo/trans\phobic misogynists because they will never visit our space in good faith. these are those liberals it is best to save breath against and just patiently hope that they have absolutely lovely re-educational experiences when our primary goals are achieved.
I am curious what ultras you are specifically talking about.
I agree with the other commentors regarding the nature of ultraleftism, but I am a bit confused. Is “Ultras” being used in a different manner here?
When I was considering myself a “Maoist”, the circles I was active in were often very LGBT+ inclusive (to a fault, at times - by this I mean taking ultraleftist lines on the LGBT+ question of liberation a la plastering arcane propaganda on building walls like “Death to Truscum”, a term mostly only known by the chronically online). Same with anarchists. Which ultras in particular are this LGBTphobic? I’m not trying to defend ultras here, but I have interacted with just as many, if not more, bigoted “Marxist-Leninists” as ultras.
You young? I’m mid-20s. When I was a teen, I thought I wouldn’t live to see these years. My birthday is tomorrow. I’m a cashier. I feel very similarly about lack of overall usefulness… but I’m convincing myself that I can become useful. Somewhen somehow somewhere. Eventually.
We have time. Apocalypse is around the bend, but we’ve got time. We have to have time - convincing ourselves we don’t is a surefire way to wind up doing absolutely nothing with the time we do have and then wondering where it all went when it finally runs out. Time is not a privilege or luxury for everyone.
I’m on the brink of homelessness, but I’ve got time. I will do something with this lifetime in service to the international socialist project. Somewhere somewhen somehow, yeah?
(This is all assuming that the union doesn’t arrange for career progression, with wages surpassing the non-unionised places with years’ service.)
I will have to read into it more but I actually believe it does. I’m not entirely sure to what wages you can reach, where the ceiling is and if it surpasses non-union “competitors”. However I do know that I was repeatedly told that the 13 something was my “starting pay” and there are expectations for it to increase. Not sure when or by how much tho lol
I hate to sound like a fetishist or even as if I’m approaching that point. I am very much a white Amerikan guy, family tree of settlers all the way down.
That being said, I feel a deep perhaps inexplicable kinship with Korean revolutionaries. I have never felt so inspired as I was when I first learned about the history of Korea and their unceasing struggles for liberation and resistance.
Reading Kim Il-sung has been more elucidating than literally any other Marxist author or orator. The man was a genius with a steeled brain and warm heart. Nothing has both pulled my heartstrings and sent my synapses firing on all cylinders than beginning to understand the Juche idea.
The cold would not bother me. Any destitution would not bother me. I would be contributing to the construction of one of the strongest and greatest socialist projects on the face of the earth.
Forgive any cringe. My heart, my life for Korean independence and the Korean people. 만세!
Management also likes to act slippery to avoid some shit. They’ll give you a shift that’s technically 30 minutes shorter than it otherwise would be, but that’s because they’d have to give you two paid breaks instead of one, or god forbid an unpaid 30 minute lunch. It’s like watching class war in action on the micro-scale - finding ways to circumvent worker-won rights legally.
I usually have to stay late because I close and people love coming in right before close and taking 20 minutes to finish their shopping lol. I get it, but also fuck them I wanna go home. A second break should be given as I’m never able to leave on time anyway.
Perhaps a major focus or driving force of mine wrt union activism should be in finding ways to close these loopholes.
There are very obviously concessions that have been written down on paper that are not followed to a T, and it’s no good witnessing those benefits not actually materialized.
Like something very obviously won by the union is the necessity of comfort mats underneath people in the check lanes - standing still like that for hours on end is killer. But according to my coworkers and management we haven’t had them in months because they keep getting dirty.
Well figure something the fuck out! Put a disposable tarp over them or something! This was a concession won by the workers and it’s fucked that it’s not being met.
There is a meeting soon. I will be attending and getting involved however I can. It’s also a large Amerikan union, so it has a plethora of problems ofc. My coworkers feel comfortable contacting the NLRB and the union any time some shit happens though, which is good, and the union seems more than happy to approach management with these complaints with the implicit threat of a potential strike underlying their demands.
I feel much more comfortable in my position than I ever had anywhere else. It used to be mostly “my employer’s not going to fire me for anything because they’re desparately understaffed and I’m typically a hard worker”. Now, it’s “my employer’s not going to fire me because I’ve got the backing of a national labor union”. It’s a good feeling despite the issues - there is an air of solidarity there that I can’t help but appreciate greatly.
Wonderful response comrade, I will keep your ideas in mind on my own path to growth, thank you 😊
I have had “manipulative” stamped on my conscience by more than a couple of people (who were, in fact, abusing or using me in some way or another - though I was certainly not good to them, either). Every social situation now seems to require evaluation afterwards - was this thing I said that I felt so genuinely actually just a manipulative tactic to get this person to like me?
It can spiral hard from there, to the point where I start believing I am an innately bad person - disregarding the inherent truth that there exists no pure and evil, good guys and bad guys, I can convince myself that I’m the exception. :)
I’m convincing myself that I am usually acting on my genuine thoughts and feelings, not strategizing on ways to manipulate people. Slowly but surely anyway! Backatcha on the inbox, always open to you and any comrade who wants to talk.
Welcome comrade! 🙏 I hope you find this space as enjoyable as I do!
I have a lot of thoughts about what you wrote and I apologize for the brevity of my response - I work in 15 minutes lol. I know what it’s like to constantly perform. It feels like social interaction is a minefield or a strategic battle to be won sometimes.
Trying as it were has been… interesting, when the words that come out of my mouth I know are indicative of a kind, caring man, but the primary thought I feel bouncing around my head at most times is nothing but a prolonged, unhinged scream engulfed in a cascade of thoughts and subconscious voices that I can hardly begin to understand. But I’m trying.
And trying makes me feel manipulative. Aren’t all relationships inherently… transactional to some extent? There are things I want. There are things the Other wants. Friendship, romance, time together, benign things even. But are we not always manipulating each other to some extent to achieve these things? I present myself a certain way because I believe it’s ethical and I find solace in being kind - but we all are still presenting ourselves, facades that can’t possibly be completely penetrated by another. Parts of ourselves we do not want others to see or know.
It’s hard, comrade. I’m with ya.
-Will do sexual things in exchange of toys/games
See, this is why I’m elated that the only internet forum I use is populated with Marxist-Leninists and I ditched Facebook discourse groups entirely some odd years ago.
The sheer psychological damage that the potential discourse is capable of inflicting could finally destroy my brain. From people justifying it from a blatantly pedophilic angle to others justifying it from an identitarian angle. To others claiming it’s sex work and thusly… lol.
And, oh bother, the ableism discourse.
It’s ableist, it’s pedophilic, it harms actual asexual people. Hope this person learns from their mistakes before worse justifiably happens. Potentially.