My dad smokes a lot, he has anger issues because of that. Yesterday, on a trip, he kept taunting my mom and raging on the road and making the stupidest of decisions but I kept my mouth shut as always.
Today, I lost my shit. I defensively explained why I couldn’t get the exact type of grocery he wanted. He tosses the sugar into the floor and slaps me. I lose sight of reason and start choking him. I’m now in my room with lights out and he’s off somewhere, probably smoking.
I tried calling him, and asked to apologize to him through SMS. No response, obviously.
I’m posting this on lemmygrad because I trust the people here a lot. Most other people have problems of their own.
If there are any Muslim comrades reading this, do you think there is anything in specific I should add when apologizing? Thank you.
You are not responsible for the behavior of others. Clearly you have tried as best as you could. Perhaps addressing the material reasons to why he smokes and why he hits people perhaps he is stressed and can’t show sadness or express frustration in a healthy way. But if he does not want to change, that is not really on you.
You being dependent on them does not necessarily help him nor hurt him. Maybe finding work to get yourself an apartment will make it harder for him to hurt you physically. Or a friend’s house. One of my friends often ran to a friend’s house often when a family member had tantrums and hurt the other family members. They are jaded towards humanity as a result of those experiences.
Sorry to hear that you are complaining to this site publicly. You can have friends that aren’t marxist if marxists are hard to find in your area IRL. I don’t know what services are available to you in your country to recommend. I’m not a therapist but you might have CPTSD and therapy can make your life better later.
I’m not a Muslim per se but all that I need to know is that you are a human. I live in Burgerland and family values are wierd compared to everywhere else. I don’t know your gender nor the gender expecations of Morocco. Take my advice with a grain of salt, because at the end of the day, you need to make decisions about your life because you are most informed on your life compared to a stranger on the internet.
It’s important to learn what you can control and what you can’t control. An individual is weak in power but can be quicker in what actions can be taken. A community has more options available but moves slower in taking actions. Don’t burden yourself with the responsibilities of others and maybe laugh at the absurdity of your situation, and take action to what you see is the right thing to do.
Thank you, comrade. I just came back from apologizing to him, but not after listening to his monologue about how I’m arrogant and that I will throw him out of his hospital bed when he’s old. He went on and on about his father and his relationship with him.
I guess what’s left to do now is to regain his trust by keeping quiet and preventing mistakes from happening again.
You are human and will make mistakes. Forgiving yourself is very important. Slapping someone over groceries is not OK.
It sounds like you are dealing with inter-generational trauma.
I hope you look out for yourself comrade!