I’m sorry for the depressing topic, it’s just been an extremely lonely and disappointing day. I’ve tried to keep busy to avoid the feeling, but it’s getting to me and I just feel awful.

I’ve been ostracized from my very small family due to their dysfunction and my sexuality, and I live in a very rural area roughly 40km from my nearest friend who is busy with their own family. Coupled with the fact that I have no community, organization, or group to associate with, it all just seems very depressing and meaningless. I couldn’t even afford a Christmas tree this year, so I collected some nice pine branches to make a small bundle that I decorated, but even that now seems pathetic and miserable. I just wish I had people to spend the holiday with, even a single person would be nice.

I’ll probably just game for a bit and then head to bed early, holidays are always awful.

  • stopit@lemmy.ml
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    2 years ago

    I feel badly for your lonesomeness and economic difficulties, so, I am not bragging…but, I am alone today and love it! I don’t care about Christmas, but I have a day off from work and behaved terribly lazy today! Its is 8pm where I live and I haven’t even showered yet.

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      Hey! I’m happy for you mate! Everyone deserves to feel happy in any why that fits them, and it’s nice to hear you’ve found your groove! Plus a no shower lazy day just hits different some days

  • SovereignState
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    2 years ago

    I’m with you in spirit comrade. I’m broke, and so is my spirit, so don’t expect anything but my company. :')

    I’m just doing what I always do. Getting high and slacking off on my days off. Roommates are around, but they’ve been upstairs alone for a while. I’m just vibin’ as if it were any other day, exceptin that it’s cold as fuck and I can’t go outside without fear of falling into a foot of snow. I feel you.

    I also have no desire to see my family, on any holiday. Something always comes up. My dad whining about the “China virus”, saying only pu$$ies wear masks. My mom regurgitating some homophobic or transphobic or racist shit she heard from my dad. Me miserable as fuck trapped in the middle of nowhere. Like I said, I feel you.

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      I feel like company is the most important thing in all honesty, I feel like friends get the most creative when there’s not a lot of money on the table, and that’s what leads to a good time and good memories. I feel like the best times I’ve had required someone having a car that could move, and 10 dollars gas money. From there it’s easy to find something to do.

      Though vibin today does seem like a nice choice, especially on a cold winters day. Maybe a drug would help, but I don’t have any experience so I guess I’ve just have to stick with keeping myself busy. But I feel you too man, especially with the family part. A big part of me wishes things were different and I have to stop that train of thought from making be bitter. But thanks for your words man, it means a lot.

  • DankZedong A
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    2 years ago

    It’s too easy to say but I’m gonna say it anyway: it’s just another day.

    That being said, I’m sorry you feel lonely. No person should feel lonely ever. We are here for you comrade, and we can work towards a better future together. Vent if you need to, talk whenever you want to. Over here, someone will always listen.

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      Thanks Dank, that means a lot to me. I’ve spent my life trying to be the “Stoic Yes Man” so it’s always been very difficult for me to express myself, because “Who would ever want to hear about that? That’s how you’ll drive everyone away Salad!”. So it’s very nice to hear your reassurance and to read your kind words.

      We will build a better future together. Even in my sadness I can see the root of my problems in the artificially forced lack of community, the banal evil of the desire for wealth, and the dehumanization and isolation of the common person. I will work to uproot this system with every ounce of energy I have, so that no one will have to suffer the same way I, and many people like me, have.

  • Lenin enjoyer🏳️‍⚧️
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    2 years ago

    That sounds like it sucks, here for you though! I know the feeling of being left out of activities for who you are with family. While not my immediate family, being ostracized from events is still something I deal with sometimes. Its a hard world to not be the standard. But all us non-standard comrades are here for you!

  • TeezyZeezy
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    2 years ago

    I’m sorry, comrade :/ loneliness is extremely hard and probably one of the saddest things to experience as a human. You’re in my thoughts and I hope you can find something to do or someone to spend it with :) happy holidays my friend, we love you

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      Sadly I didn’t find anyone to spend it with or anything to do, but I’ll get through it. Loneliless probably is the most dangerous human state, seeing as how it runs against hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. But thank you for your response though :)

  • Comrade Goatfucker
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    2 years ago

    Sorry to hear that, comrade. Loneliness sucks but I hope that at least this community can keep you company

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      That’s true, I sometimes think that I spend a bit to much time here haha. But it’s a nice place to be, I enjoy the community.

  • redtea
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    2 years ago

    Did you game, in the end? What did you play?

    • ComradeSaladOP
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      2 years ago

      Re-downloaded Hearts of Iron 4 after not playing for a few months. Decided to play a few hours going through a DPRK Millennium Dawn run. It was alright, nothing to much happened.