I got put in a psych ward when I was 14 for missing school for a couple days and saying I didn’t want to live anymore.

They kept me for over a week in a “behavioral center”, a depressed and scared kid, with individuals from 12-18, some with extremely violent and antisocial tendencies. Some who had run away from home. Some who had just tried recreational drugs. One who fought a guy who his girlfriend cheated on him with. One trans kid. Felt like a totally random assortment of kids with generic “behavioral issues”. They pumped me full of drugs, probably tried 3 or 4 different ones. Barred windows, no outside time, 24/7 surveillance including toilet use. No phone. Pencils only when supervised. Group therapy. Two-to-a-room, regardless of how violent one may be. Hospital gown and disposable slippers the whole time. They had a padded isolation room if you misbehaved. I was disallowed leisure time for 2 days because of a misunderstanding (some kid threatened another, and the victim gave a very vague description of his threatener, “stocky, long hair” – it wasn’t until a nurse asked him “was it him?” referring to me, and he acquitted me that I was allowed leisure time.) No apology. Humanization only from technicians, not nurses or psychs. 11th day. “Your insurance will only cover 11 days. You’re free to go. Hope the meds work.”

Sorry to spill my guts like this. I have family who worked in a maximum security prison, and they told me spree killers often get more freedom than us kids had in the ward. I still don’t know how I feel about that experience to this day. More than anything it probably just “scared me straight”, leading me to hide depressive tendencies thereafter regardless of how I truly felt lest I get locked up again.