Ever since I’ve became a Marxist, I’ve been seeing the dark sides of liberalism, capitalism, etc. Now, all my passions and the capitalist/liberal desires that fueled them have died. I wanted to be a musician and become rich and famous, now that’s an unrealistic kid story. I wanted to become a writer and spread my works to millions, not anymore. I wanted to do game development, but that’s gone now. I wanted to become a legislator as a kid and spread good for society, proposing laws that would help the younger generation, but the US government is so fucking corrupt. I wanted to become an MMA fighter, but the industry in that is rigged. I wanted to become a business owner, and even learned the dark things needed to do to become “successful.” But the thought of fucking over vulnerable people for personal gain makes me sick to my stomach.
I’ve recently found a major I could study in college for - Electrical engineering. But really I don’t feel the slightest interested in that either. I had a quick blip of interest and then it died.
Every industry is so rigged, and people like me won’t survive in it. I’m not a fake it till you make it type person. I’m never favored by anyone, not popular in any type of circle. I’m cold and concrete, I can’t put on masks. And even the thought of manipulating people is tiring as hell. I’d rather be real and truthful, least bit of effort.
I have no money to travel to other countries where music might make me successful, and my passions for everything have died. I hate the word “hard work.” I like work that’s worthwhile and enjoyable, something I would spend hours on. But that doesn’t exist in the US. I seriously feel like a wandering soul. The only thing that’s keeping me alive is the desire to travel the world. If I didn’t have that motive, I probably would have offed myself a long time ago. I feel like my life is nothing, and I am nothing.
I honestly don’t know anymore. I might become a thief, stalking rich people’s social medias then stealing from them. Or becoming a mercenary. Kid’s fantasy, I know. I might have to face the disgusting truth and join the military to get the rest of my basic fucking human rights. Housing, money, college, I don’t know.
I feel like I’m going no where.
I’m sorry comrade. This isn’t much of a consolation, but I know you’re younger - I’m in my mid-20s and feel very similarly. The best I can hope for is seemingly random, fleeting sparks of interest and passion that fade quickly. I only hope you know that it is not an individual you problem but a systemic one.
I’ve noticed this problem is very systemic. I wondered if my passions were real in the first place… I have lately been gathering a spark for lethal weapons and learning about them. Luckily I can do it in my free time, or society will think I’m a strange person who wants to make the world burn, when literally I wanna study these mechanisms.
Honestly being interested in mechanical and “hard” sciences will do you good, as they tend to be less dependent on maintaining bourgeois ideology to keep interest. You just have to remain aware of how to apply that interest in a way that doesn’t wind up benefiting the bourgeoisie or military industrial complex. For instance, a comrade of mine lost his passion for physics when he realized his only realistic career opportunity would be to work for Boeing or Raytheon.
Still, they tend to be more secure fields of study than my only real passions, anthropology and writing. I feel bad for artists lol
I feel like I might be more interested in mechanical engineering than electrical, not completely sure at the moment.
It’s basically like the Matrix. Can’t really imagine a better analogy to what’s going on. Once you’re no longer plugged in, you see the hideous truth of it all and everything almost feels meaningless.
I don’t know what’s worse though, living while completely oblivious to all of this surrounding you, or knowing and having to watch it happen in front of you while no one else sees what you do.
There is a third option. Which most see as the most vile of them all, becoming a Cypher to the system and going back to whence you came to serve the system.
Honestly I couldn’t really imagine that. Seeing truth, there’s no going back. Those who return to liberalism were never really liberated from the system to begin with or they stood to benefit from it the most.
It’s similar to when I became an atheist, once that door was slightly cracked there was just no going back
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles comrade. I went through something similar. What helped me was divorcing the notion of worldly success from my passions. In today’s world, success is largely due to factors outside our control. So now I pursue my passions for their own sake rather than for the sake of worldly success. I find I enjoy them a lot more now and feel a lot less stress and pressure to perform. Ironically, that makes me feel better and dive deeper into them in a way that satisfies nobody but myself.
I train in martial arts, and although it would be great to run my own school one day, I don’t strive with that goal in mind. I simply want to be the best student I can be. I can only become a great teacher by being a great student, but I’d rather be a great student than a subpar teacher who cares more about running a successful business than being a great martial artist.
I hope that helps. I’ve learned to take joy in the small and simple things, as cliche as that sounds, it helps me deal with the lack of material success I think I deserve. I’ve learned to be happy with what I have because I’m living an honest, moral life and I’d rather have that screwing over vulnerable people for my own benefit.
It just kind of suck. I feel like all the passions I’ve had were for nothing. I still enjoy a few of them, however. I’ll try to follow your advice, appreciating the small things. One thing I know is that it helps us appreciate more of what we have.
Comrade, you may be in a transition to your better self, and there is much suffering in that period, but I can assure you that it will get better. I am also a musician, I studied music for four years before I gave up. This happened before I’ve even touched a work written by Marx.
In my case, I was already hopeless before I studied Marxism. Studying Marxism did the opposite for me; it gave me a new ground and direction in life, because now I could see things for what they really are. I no longer have the fantasy of ever being rich, and now that you began to understand how this system works, you realize that you actually were liberated from an illusion that you probably would never fulfill.
Most of us are workers, and the majority of the population is not a business owner or “successful”. If you continued to be a liberal, you would eventually be miserable, blaming yourself for the failures of an economic system that you upheld, completely unaware that it was that system that conditioned that outcome in your life.
Although there is barely any dignity in the work that we do, considering we are exploited until the last drop of sweat, there is dignity in fighting for a better system for you, your comrades, your colleagues and family. Even though it’s an ant’s work, it is very honorable and a necessary struggle until our certain and final victory against capitalism and exploitation.
Do not contemplate suicide. You are much more useful to your people alive. If you are aware of how this system works while the majority of people are not, you are very valuable in showing them. The more you study, especially the works of Lenin, the less sad you become, and the more hopeful and active you’ll become. You’ll feel no shame, you will be filled with rage when unjustice reigns, and you will use every bit of energy in your body to educate others and show them the way out of hopelessness. You will do that naturally and effortlessly, as if you are the embodied personification of the emancipation of working people. You will feel confident and you’ll eventually know what to do.
In regards to your choice of work, everything is valid, you can fulfill the purpose of educating others with the knowledge you’ve gathered, in all sectors, services and kinds of work. As a musician (e.g.: composing proletarian music), as an engineer, as a computer scientist, as a janitor, an office worker, a clerk, organizing workers among your sector and promoting a culture of solidarity among all workers, fighting against incorrect ideas and learning through the experience of others. So if everything is valid, you might as well choose something you enjoy working with.
You may not have realized it yet, but Marxism-Leninism actually gives humanity a brighter future. Just give yourself some time to process these feelings, and you’ll be fine comrade. 💪❤️🚩
This was really a sweet and meaningful message. It was so sweet I had to take a little break, I couldn’t handle the amount of love you poured into this. I always thought there was something wrong with me, but really it’s the rough side of being set free from a system that keeps us in chains. I feel lost, like I have nowhere to go, but I assume that’s the good side of things. Escaping the illusions of the capitalist system is like escaping an abusive person. I feel lost after, but then there are good days to come with no temptation to turn back. Thank you comrade, this message really warmed my heart.
Of course there’s nothing wrong with us, comrade, we are a product of the circumstances. This hopeless you feel right now is temporary, and if you give yourself some time, you will gradually find a good path to follow. Even though we live in an exploitative system, there are still a lot of things to enjoy in our life. The small little things in our daily life can still have a wonderful joy in them that capitalism cannot rob us. The small talks with friends and even strangers can be really meaningful if we pay attention enough, as everyone is an universe in their own.
I’m glad that my message made you feel a little better, this is exactly the purpose of this community! Take good care of yourself, comrade
How do you explain famous and successful Marxist musicians, writers, game developers?
