Hey comrades, how do you deal with bigotry irl?
I’m really sick of so many people around me just saying some LGBTphobic, misogynistic or racist shit. It’s bad enough seeing it all over social media everyday, but irl it’s even worse. And I can’t bring myself to confront anyone about it, be it in person or in a voice call. I don’t even know how to confront this type of behavior, what to say, what tone to use, which expressions to make. The few times I managed to do it I was either mocked or met with verbal resistance.
It also doesn’t help that my city is very right-wing to say the least, it’s like no one I know even think about any of this. It’s honestly so tiring.
What helps me is to stay calm, not use a mad voice or anything, and to say I simply disagree with viewing entire groups op people as less. If people disagree with that, then that’s their problem. It’s not up to me to prove the validity of other humans, it’s up to them to fix their bigoted opinion. Let them get mad, let them mock you, but do not lower yourself to that level. Don’t let them drag you down. You will probably inspire others who are afraid as well to speak up.
It’s frustrating, I know. But yelling at everyone who is a racist or a bigot does not help most of the time. You will probably get into a heated argument and that mostly benefits the racist.
Definitely, being calm and a bit sarcastic can get the point across lol.
Had a white coworker start bringing up the whole Asians eating dogs thing (and not in a curious way). Calmly mentioned that we don’t know the specifics of what groups of Asians eat what, but the beautiful and lovely Swiss people also have cats and dogs as a delicacy lol.
Calmly mentioned that we don’t know the specifics of what groups of Asians eat what, but the beautiful and lovely Swiss people also have cats and dogs as a delicacy lol.
Is anything here factually grounded? I’m genuinely curious if this is some tale being spun or if this is legit now…
Last mention of it in media outlets was almost a decade ago. The number of them is not significant but it’s there:
https://www.newsweek.com/not-just-christmas-swiss-urged-stop-eating-cats-and-dogs-287378
Thanks for the links!
What helps me is to stay calm, not use a mad voice or anything, and to say I simply disagree with viewing entire groups op people as less.
When it’s that extreme/explicit I can usually do this. I should have given examples, but I’m more talking about people that use gay as an insult or that says the equivalent of the ‘f’ or the ‘t’ words in my language, calling people the ‘r’ word, calling women females or talking about them in some derogatory way. Stuff like that. It’s one thing to hear it here and there, but it’s tough because it gets unnoticed so much that it becomes part of people’s vocabularies, people say this stuff all the time like it’s the most natural shit ever.
Let them get mad, let them mock you, but do not lower yourself to that level. Don’t let them drag you down. You will probably inspire others who are afraid as well to speak up.
Honestly, I should stop being afraid and let them get mad, I’ll try to keep this in mind, thanks.
It’s frustrating, I know. But yelling at everyone who is a racist or a bigot does not help most of the time. You will probably get into a heated argument and that mostly benefits the racist.
I usually feel like doing that, but 99% of the time I don’t do it, I just remain silent or ignore it.
Social situations are a weak point of mine, do you have any examples of stuff I could say in these situations? I can probably manage to say it calmly, as long as I now what do say when doing the confrontation.
Nonetheless I appreciate your input already, comrade.
I know it sounds weird but whenever people say ‘gay’ or f word in an insulting way I just say ‘gay is not a curse word’. It sounds super childish, and I never expected it to have results, but it did somehow. I know of multiple people who now say this as well either because they were told themselves or because they heard someone say it. Simple things like that or ‘don’t talk about women like that’ work wonders most of the time.
It’s okay to set boundaries even if it’s just for their engagement with you. They’d still have to think about not calling women derogatory slurs when talking to you or around you. And chances are they start to think about it when with other people as well.
You’re probably not going to erase bigotry all by yourself. Some people stay bigoted and will go above and beyond to show their views. But the majority of people, I feel, can learn from someone like you just standing up and setting boundaries in a (mostly) non agressive way.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t ways to justifiably defend yourself with possible aggression. It’s just that I found that doing it in a mostly calm way will get better results and is far more safe for you as well.
I just say ‘gay is not a curse word’. […] Simple things like that or ‘don’t talk about women like that’ work wonders most of the time.
That’s simple and concise, I’ll try stuff like that.
It’s okay to set boundaries even if it’s just for their engagement with you. They’d still have to think about not calling women derogatory slurs when talking to you or around you. And chances are they start to think about it when with other people as well.
You’re probably not going to erase bigotry all by yourself. Some people stay bigoted and will go above and beyond to show their views. But the majority of people, I feel, can learn from someone like you just standing up and setting boundaries in a (mostly) non agressive way.
I never thought of it that way, it gives me a much better perspective of the situation and the impact that standing up to this stuff might cause on people, thanks!
As immature as it may sound (while I’d also argue it’s just talking down to their level), whenever some aging internet dad says “gay” as a bad thing I say something like “oh no gays bad” which puts them on the defensive right away because it’s just shining a light on what they just said.
Sometimes they crawl on their bellies to “it’s just slang it’s not homophobia” which is fucking rich considering that the slang is definitively about the bad thing being gay. Make them own it and I think over time they’ll do it less.
Honestly, DankZedong’s response is a lot more mature and probably more effective than this, but:
I don’t let it slide. I try to lead by example on how we should treat those elements in our society - which I believe is with wild disrespect and complete shutdown of any “debate” they’re trying to have. I’m not going to be polite to bigots for the sake of keeping peace. I’m not going to play the “debate me” game with someone who is openly supporting genocidal rhetoric. They don’t deserve that. The whole “take the high road” thing isn’t worth it in my mind. Fuck them, if they’re pigs, they’re pigs, and they (and the world) should know that.
Maybe that’s too aggressive or immature but I’m just done dealing with these people like they’re the same as everyone else.
This also only really applies to those who are very far gone. If someone has a chance to be saved, sure, I’ll treat them with respect. Once it becomes clear that they’re not changing though and filled with hatred, fuck them.
Honestly, DankZedong’s response is a lot more mature and probably more effective than this
I think both approaches are valid really, it just depends on the situation.
I’m just done dealing with these people like they’re the same as everyone else.
Honestly, I feel this. I think specially on text-based social media this should be more widespread. I see to many people just trying to argue in good faith to the most vitriolic clear-cut bigotry ever, when telling them to “shut up” and to “go fuck themselves” would probably be so much more impactful. People that far gone are not gonna change their minds so easily, if ever.
If someone has a chance to be saved, sure, I’ll treat them with respect. Once it becomes clear that they’re not changing though and filled with hatred, fuck them.
That’s fair, I think I need to be more ok with just don’t giving a fuck once the person doesn’t try to change.
I’m not afraid to call if by its name. Something along the lines of “I find this line of reasoning racist/homophobic/etc. I prefer to describe it as [objective view]. It’s dangerous to go that way because of [consequences of bigotry]”.
I’m not calling my interlocutor racist, bad, evil, or whatever. I’m criticising his line of reasoning.
I generally try not to do that where they may feel attacked, or ashamed between their group either. Because these are neighbours, and it’s really useful to be acquainted with people around you. They are just repeating common sense they listen to. If you give them an alternative, they don’t hate it. And I live in a small rural white community, as an immigrant.
People have been generally welcome to this kind of approach. And it opens doors for more nuanced conversation.
If resistance happens, you don’t have to win the conversation, but you didn’t just agree with it, you called by its name, and you gave them a hook into thinking in a different way, should they decide to explore it.
Again, the point is not to ashame them between their peers. That’s a frontal social attack, and it will obviously cause resistance. The point is to name it, and offer an alternative, to build agreement and move forward together.
