Hey comrades, how do you deal with bigotry irl?
I’m really sick of so many people around me just saying some LGBTphobic, misogynistic or racist shit. It’s bad enough seeing it all over social media everyday, but irl it’s even worse. And I can’t bring myself to confront anyone about it, be it in person or in a voice call. I don’t even know how to confront this type of behavior, what to say, what tone to use, which expressions to make. The few times I managed to do it I was either mocked or met with verbal resistance.
It also doesn’t help that my city is very right-wing to say the least, it’s like no one I know even think about any of this. It’s honestly so tiring.
When it’s that extreme/explicit I can usually do this. I should have given examples, but I’m more talking about people that use gay as an insult or that says the equivalent of the ‘f’ or the ‘t’ words in my language, calling people the ‘r’ word, calling women females or talking about them in some derogatory way. Stuff like that. It’s one thing to hear it here and there, but it’s tough because it gets unnoticed so much that it becomes part of people’s vocabularies, people say this stuff all the time like it’s the most natural shit ever.
Honestly, I should stop being afraid and let them get mad, I’ll try to keep this in mind, thanks.
I usually feel like doing that, but 99% of the time I don’t do it, I just remain silent or ignore it.
Social situations are a weak point of mine, do you have any examples of stuff I could say in these situations? I can probably manage to say it calmly, as long as I now what do say when doing the confrontation.
Nonetheless I appreciate your input already, comrade.
I know it sounds weird but whenever people say ‘gay’ or f word in an insulting way I just say ‘gay is not a curse word’. It sounds super childish, and I never expected it to have results, but it did somehow. I know of multiple people who now say this as well either because they were told themselves or because they heard someone say it. Simple things like that or ‘don’t talk about women like that’ work wonders most of the time.
It’s okay to set boundaries even if it’s just for their engagement with you. They’d still have to think about not calling women derogatory slurs when talking to you or around you. And chances are they start to think about it when with other people as well.
You’re probably not going to erase bigotry all by yourself. Some people stay bigoted and will go above and beyond to show their views. But the majority of people, I feel, can learn from someone like you just standing up and setting boundaries in a (mostly) non agressive way.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t ways to justifiably defend yourself with possible aggression. It’s just that I found that doing it in a mostly calm way will get better results and is far more safe for you as well.
That’s simple and concise, I’ll try stuff like that.
I never thought of it that way, it gives me a much better perspective of the situation and the impact that standing up to this stuff might cause on people, thanks!
As immature as it may sound (while I’d also argue it’s just talking down to their level), whenever some aging internet dad says “gay” as a bad thing I say something like “oh no gays bad” which puts them on the defensive right away because it’s just shining a light on what they just said.
Sometimes they crawl on their bellies to “it’s just slang it’s not homophobia” which is fucking rich considering that the slang is definitively about the bad thing being gay. Make them own it and I think over time they’ll do it less.