I’m not a man. I’ve wanted for so long to present as femme, to be seen as femme. My housing situation has been precarious lately, and I recently went from staying with a friend that was the worst kind of liberal ally to friends that are are both Q and T. I started feeling more safe and looking into diy hrt and seeing how so many of us are using ourselves as guinea pigs because we’ve lost access to anything like the ISR. And I see how it’s becoming more and more dangerous where I live. And I realize that I’m not in a very stable position for reliable HRT. And during all my searching, I decided it’s just not safe.
I just need help coming to terms, I guess. Because I would transition if I felt like I could, but I just don’t.
I’m sorry comrade. My gender identity is fucked and will be for ages, but I know if there were a button I could press that would instantly turn me into a woman, allow for me to comfortably “pass” (ick, I know) I would press it in a heartbeat just to know. I have so much respect for the people I know who struggle through the uncomfortable ‘second puberty’ as it were, struggle with their changing psyche and body in an effort to one day be happy. I know that, for me, it would be unbearable not seeing instant results, and I’m not even sure I’d be happy with the outcome and I’d be constantly concerned about my safety and general well-being. It’s difficult comrade, I’m sorry.
It is. For no good reason. Liberation will come, but until then, fffuuuuuuuk.