I have a partner in my polycule relationship that is going to date someone from Ukraine. 😒
I have a problem. I can respect that ANY Ukrainian is likely pissed about the Donbas war and the Russian SMO.
I dont know this man. And Im already disgusted with myself for being prejudiced.
My partner is a socially progressive liberal. And they once tried taking me to task about China once before.
I told them it was best we never talked global politics.
But I will absolutely 100% lose my entire shit if my partner starts going openly rah rah for Ukraine.
My partner says they love and adore me. But they dont have a deep appreciation of me being a Tankie and they deserve to know. They deserve to understand or at least know who I am.
I cant abide a lover living in a lie and giving their love on a misunderstanding.
How do I approach this diplomatically and in good faith? Because Im probably gonna have to meet this guy and frankly… He is a Ukrainian in the US. Im being prejudiced; but I am automatically expecting this guy to obviously be against Russia and at best; reactionarily supporting Azov and Banderites simply because they’re the ones fighting.
idk I mean it’s not like the Ukrainian left is a bunch of brainwashed Americans. they are very aware nazis overthrew the democratically elected left wing party. So its kind of like Tibet, the white brainwashed American left were all in love with them but the actual Tibetans supported the communist party by over 95%. Left wingers formed the original province wide self defense committees that eventually became the Donetsk and Luhansk militias. They were formed after the coup because there was no government and neonazis were attacking minorities and leftists all over the country. The Russian majority areas simply formed the strongest ones. You might have heard racist western propaganda denounce these groups as “little green men” or non-uniformed russian military but these were leftists like you and me fighting against the western backed neonazi coup.
I know. The reason I havent dumped them is because we both share the same social values. And while they are a liberal; they are not a willing soldier for empire. They dont have the minerals to join the army in an opportunity to give the Russians and Chinese what for. It’s liberal moral naval gazing. I can ignore that.
But I understand that liberals are VERY morally motivated and tankies just… Dont make sense to them.
My advice to you is for you to understand your anger. This person is from Ukraine, which means there’s a high chance he will talk about his country in a positive manner. So if he is positive about his country, this is nothing else than expected. Understand that he will probably just reproduce the official propaganda of his country, and there’s close to nothing you can do about it.
If you ever happen to meet him, try the approach of asking questions if you ever touch political subjects, and letting him do the talking. If you find any inconsistencies in his arguments, explore that.
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Not every Ukrainian is pro-Nazi. Many are. Many have bought into the pro-Maidan Ukrainian and western media’s propaganda and many have been indoctrinated over the last 8 years. But before judging someone i’d advise to first find out where they stand. There are still a lot of Ukrainians who see the utter corruption of the Banderite regime and who are completely cynical and skeptical about anything their government tells them, more so than westerners are because they actually have/had to live under that regime so they aren’t as easy to fool by propaganda painting a rosy picture of Ukraine as a beacon of democracy. If they do turn out to be a Nazi supporter and if that rubs off on your friend to the point they go full on brainwashed Ukraine flag in bio, dehumanizing Russians type zombie, then it may be advisable to put that relationship on hold, until the general enthusiasm for the conflict peters out and Ukraine supporters become disillusioned and start seeing they have been duped.
The mood will start to shift eventually, conditions especially in Europe but also in the US are getting worse and worse, soon they’ll have their plates so full with their own problems most people won’t have the bandwidth to care about Ukraine anymore no matter how hard the media is pushing it. Could be this winter, could be next winter but it will happen. The ruling class has no solutions.
Indeed. I am fully and I mean FULLY aware that im being unfair to this man. But… I am also being unfair allowing my partner believe that im the kind of ally they might think I am.
Sounds like your liberal partner is about to find exactly the one thing that could be done to turn politics from not relevant to deal breaking.
Honestly, if I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s deliberate. Knowing better, I think it’s a probably a move based on some very weird dynamics that play directly into the Ukrainian victim/martyrdom complex and that in and of itself would be a deal breaker for me. But it can only end in conflict with you looking the bad person. Which means that I would advise you the relationship is now materially on its last legs. You could bring your partner closer to your politics, potentially, but more likely it will not work and arguing won’t change anything except the opinion others have of you.
My advice, begin the process of leaving the relationship.
To be fair, Im admitting to being prejudiced. But the chance of this guy being a stoic, principled, based anti-NATO dude… In the USA is just… 🙁
At any rate… I owe it to my partner to understand who I am and my world view. It would be wrong for me to allow them to misunderstand me.
You’re not in control of whether others understand you. You can make an attempt, but if you have a liberal partner falling for a Ukrainian in the US after they already gave you shit over China, I wouldn’t hold my breath for them to understand you
I am prepared for the worst.
You’re aware that your trepidations are based on worst-case possibilities of what this Ukrainian is like. Which is good; that you recognise that. Maybe the fact that you’re worrying anyway is emotional bleed from your worry about having to potentially reveal your politics to your partner? Might be stuff to process there.
Seperate thought but: if he’s actually incredibly based ideologically, what are the chances that he feels he’s able to be open about his politics as a Ukrainian in the US? A communist Ukrainian in the US is going to feel even more isolated than an American communist in the US.
Draw up a table of the possibility space, with columns “new guy is based” and “new guy is fash” and rows “open about politics” and “hide politics”. Then in the 4 cells note how things would pan out for everyone involved. Might be a good way to visualise your options.
Im not saying it’s impossible. If I found out he was a based communist; I would be over the god damned moon and Id let him know right away that he could confide in me any time he wanted to chew the theoretical fat.
He very well could have fled the LPR and DPR from the nazis.
