Gosh, it took a while.

When I was a teen I basically only had girl friends and mostly just thought of myself as a feminine guy. Sure I had long hair and wore cute clothes and tried makeup, but that was just for fun!

I kept that up for a decade, made a few trans friends, and realized my gender identity was kinda weird? I didn’t think I was trans, though, because I didn’t really experience dysphoria in a way other girls had explained it to me. I thought I felt fine?

And then I got hit by a car on my bike. I almost died! And then the pandemic started! So I’m thinking about what would happen if I died and it occurred to me I’d be buried as a man - that really bothered me on a fundamental level. I think that was the first time I understood the dysphoria I had always felt.

I was still confused, though.

So, it’s 2020 and I kept getting ma’amed when I wore a facemask and really liked it. Holy shit I liked it so much. I would get all smiley and any day it happened was guaranteed to be a good one. I started doing my hair more and wearing more makeup and training my voice and then- oh.

I started hormones that fall at 29