I have almost no friends, and I don’t get much out of the friends I have. We don’t share many of the same hobbies and we all live pretty far apart. Some are also pretty right wing, and me being a closeted trans woman, makes me fear that I will lose them if I come out.
I want to go to meetings of my party (or protests where my party is present) so I can build connections with people who I share the same worldview with but have only been able to go a couple of times and most of the time when there’s a meeting or protest I am busy with something else.
When it comes to going out, it sucks going to concerts on your own, because no one else around you wants to go. I do have one friend with whom I go to concerts sometimes, but that’s when he asks me to join him. When it comes to my concerts, it’s musicians he doesn’t like. I could ask my parents or my brother but they also don’t always like the musicians I like. I just want to a have a steady group of friends so there’s always someone available to do fun stuff with together, whether that be going to a concert, clubbing, sport events, etc. If one friend can’t go or doesn’t want to, I can always ask another friend. I don’t have that privilege right now.
At least I am now able to go out alone, in the past I would’ve just stayed at home, but having to go out alone still hurts. And in some cases I still don’t want to go out alone. I don’t want to go to a bar alone for example.
And it’s not like I want a best friend, all I want is some extra friends. This situation right now is making me feel more alone and it’s hard to stay positive.
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This spoke to my soul, i really feel this
I cry in traffic sometimes to and from work or school. I used to have more life in me
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Yes i have, especially now it’s just a different time in my life everyone is so busy with their lives trying to survive capitalism
I feel you comrade. For me it’s like… I have to constantly be reborn and reforged into an entirely different person every, who knows, year, 6 months, 2 years, whatever. My physical appearance changes wildly from fat with a shaved head to popsicle thin with a flowing mane. Then I fuck something up again and have to be reborn once more. I’m so fuckin tired of having to play pretend, but I don’t even know what it means not to. I don’t know me, just the shit I do and say for seemingly no reason. Get close enough to me and I’ll hurt you. I don’t wanna. I try not to. I try to be good and kind and myself. Something always happens.
This shit fucking sucks. I’d try to understand – see – you, comrade, and even if I couldn’t I’m 100% positive there exist others that feel the exact same way you do… just a matter of finding em, much easier said than done on a planet with 8 billion freakin’ people on it, for sure.
How do you lose weight like that? Im always fluctuating in weight myself but I’ve been between 250-230, I’d do anything to just look thin.
I really feel what you’re saying, about reinventing yourself and fuckin things up, I don’t wanna do to anymore people i love around me.
So I’m a short lad at 5’7"/5’8" and I know exactly what causes me to get a lil rotund (the most I’ve weighed is around 210) and it’s gonna be a bit of a letdown to hear but fr it’s all portion sizes. I get so depressed and hurt so much that when I cook I’ll eat the entire fuckin’ thing because dear god I cannot be asked to do any more work (grab tupperware, move extra food to tupperware, close and place in fridge lol), even if it’s way too much for me to eat. I always grab the big bowl. I inhale my food. I go for seconds and thirds. I made it, might as well eat it… til I’m bloated and feel like throwing up.
Big thing is to slow down when I eat. Been practicing “mindful eating” as it were, focusing intensely on flavor and savoring food, as well as making sure I chew it lol. Another thing that makes me fluctuate so heavily is honestly bouts of extreme poverty. I ate nothing but two bananas today lol. I’m at 154 now and I’m replacing fat with muscle. It’s hard and it sucks. I get high to cope with exercise (and honestly, I’m not lyin, once I get high enough and lift for long enough in one session it starts to feel absolutely euphoric, god knows why. It adds up though. I noticed nothing for a while after starting exercising, but I can absolutely tell the difference now just from using a sitting elliptical I won in a raffle and a cheap 10lb weight I got from Walmart for a few months. My thighs and calves are slightly flabby steel and my arms are… eh, lol.
I usually get high after my workout
My problem is i fall off the wagon between work and school obligations, but with my semester coming to an end i want to get work again consistently working out.
Thank you