Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.
It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.
The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.
Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.
Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
Damn this was hard to read 'cause it hits very close to home. Got beat as a kid by my parents and had to basically learn how to rely only on myself. This obviously fucks up all my relationships now in life.
I know this gets said so much it slowly loses it’s meaning but; It’s never too late to recover/get better/learn something new. And It gets better. Slowly. But it really does get better. I still beat myself up for what afterwards or viewed by someone else would seem silly.
But everyday, every week every month, I get better at spotting it and stop myself from talking myself down. I was even able to make an important call for my “college” application a few days ago!
Goddammit I always wish to give people more support in these times and say something profound. I feel like a coward for not organising already. For not destroying this worthless system that is trapping everyone I love and care about. Didn’t meet my own standards again. But I won’t let it get to me. This isn’t a showing of me being an ultimate failure. But I am also not a main character in a novel or video game who does epic stuff on their own. I am slowly getting better. Wiser. Smarter. Stronger.
And as much as I am not a failure for being as fit as some people, or as smart as some people, or as determined or as enduring or whatever have you, I know you are not a failure too.
We cannot and should not do everything ourselves. We need other people to cover for our shortcomings and to help us see things from different perspectives.
We will band together and be more than the sum of our parts. And we will win.
Also been to a party a few years back, don’t worry you haven’t missed anything. They mostly suck.
I will add that part of my recovery process has been to realize that there are social situations that I’m not interested in. I will never be a person with 100 friends and I don’t want to be that. I just want to be at peace with myself and do my shit.
My mom has spent over two decades trying to tell me that everybody doesn’t need to be my friend and that’s okay. It’s finally sinking in a little.
I wasted so much life masking and feeling like an weirdo outsider. Learning that I don’t have to do that anymore has helped me tremendously. If I wanted to form a new friendship I won’t have to waste my energy putting on an act and can focus on forming something meaningful.
YES!!! We fill in each other’s gaps!!!
You are being terribly hard on yourself but I also relate to feeling like I should be living a whole ass movie and personally single handedly [REDACTED] oil executives while feeling like I do nothing even when I literally am doing shit.
Proud of you for all your improvements, growing better than yesterday is all any of us can do and honestly all anybody ever really does.
And yeah most parties suck major ass. The Party FOMO Industrial Complex is real though.
Whenever I read something with “… Industrial Complex” at the end I have to read it with David Hayter’s voice. Imagining Snake ranting about Party FOMO is hilarious. Thank you for the smile.
YES! We will both make it. Thank you for the uplifting words and I am terribly sorry what happened to you.