I can already hear it. I know, I know, doomerism has been weaponized in order to keep the working class undereducated, depressed, drugged up, inert, or dead, and I’m falling for bourgeois tactics.
At the same time, though, I look around (even from a privileged, western perspective) and see things getting worse and worse, daily. My life and country have both begun to collapse.
I’m pretty white-pilled when it comes to the human race on the whole, especially with China as the rising superpower, but Jesus. Global economy in shambles, political and civil unrest, and the worst existential threat in human history in climate change all at the same time.
What are the next 20 years going to bring?
I’m scared, and I have a really bad feeling about all of this.
My country is collapsing, but I feel like I’ve always been lumpen enough that it’s felt that way anyway. What bothers me is that no matter how hard I try I can’t escape this fucking trainwreck. I’m nearly 30 years old, I’ve been with my partner 10 years. We have a little debt but no degrees…every job we can find doesn’t pay enough to live on anymore. I’ve been trapped into working 70-80 hour weeks for a fucking decade now, and before, it was not always easy but we could make it by….but now…everything is falling apart. I’m one broken bone or car crash away from homelessness at any moment. I literally only wake up and get out of bed for fear of this happening. The majority of my compatriots are reactionary as fuck, and still can’t focus enough to see the real enemies. Some of them are doing well enough to ignore it altogether, some of them just pretend and some of them sedate themselves out of reality to no real avail. No healthcare is going to be our actual deaths im sure, but until then every single day I feel the weight of being a fucking cancer of a human being just to survive to the next day…and for what? To make some assholes I’ll never meet rich and comfortable? Because I have to? I’ve come to accept I’ll never have my own home, we will never have kids, we will probably never even be able to afford to get married. If it’s just going to be this awful anxious drudgery for the next 40 years count me fucking out. I think of killing myself every day of my life. I won’t do that to my partner, I can’t do that to her…love is real I guess…but every single day that passes, as things get worse in my own life and in everyone else’s….I also wonder how much worse it’s going to get. I live in a settler colonial nation and there are so many piece of shit around it makes me wonder if we even deserve Revolution. At this point I don’t think most of us do. Most can’t even comprehend a different world, they’re so indoctrinated, so fucking convinced that the only way forward is down this bloody path….it’s easy to feel hopeless comrade. I’m right there with you. In the end, we don’t deserve this. It’s not their fault that they don’t understand, they’re just humans like me or you, corrupted past the point of return. But somehow I hold onto some sliver of hope. I see people realizing the illusion placed before us is just that, all the time. I know that if I want the world to change I cannot sit idly by and wait for everything to completely fail, no, it will only devolve into a reactionary fascist cesspool. But what the fuck can I do? I don’t even have time to fucking sleep. My power gets cut for at least a few days every month because I can’t afford it anymore. I’m over two months behind on rent and get threatened all the time by my asshole landlord I’ve literally never even met in person, I can’t give up and yet I can’t continue. I just wish I had a way to give to the cause. Communist parties are as banned as abortion in my state now. The electoral politics are useless and only the rich can run anyway. I know in the next few years I’m going to have to face death one way or another, I just hope that I can make a difference before I do. Once I get evicted idk what I’ll do. My car is broken down so I can’t exactly live in it. I can’t afford extended stay hotels or have anyone in this city to stay with. I’m at the point where I know it’s coming and there’s nothing left I can do that I haven’t already tried and been beaten back. I’d give my life at this point but only for the fucking promise that no one else will have to deal with this or anything worse. Whether that means organizing my way to prison, trying to bring back the mass line, or literal fucking combat idc anymore. Just stay strong comrade. For me. For all of us. Don’t let them fucking kill you on your knees. Fight until your last breath and I promise I will be there with you. If we give up now, everything our predecessors have fought and died for will be in vain. All of theirs as well as our own suffering will be for fucking nothing. I can’t wait for the day that “fuck the police” means “I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine”. I just hope the right people will be here saying it.
I’m sorry for format. I’m on mobile. Hell I can’t even afford internet anymore. Best I’ve got is this goddamn phone until they take that back too