“Vauussshh, did you take the trash out again?!”

Vaush woke up in the morning, his bed infested with dirty grime and his fingertips covered in thick cheeto-dust. As he yawned, he realized there didn’t seem to be as many maggots in his room as he thought.

“There’s that Tankie wife calling me again” he thought to himself, shaking his head while drinking a moldy Doritos-flavored musty gallon-sized drink, chugging half of it in a few sigs.

As Ian Kochinski stood up, he felt a pain in his chest, stumbling over and falling into a stack of bodypillows with the faces of toddlers on them, smacking his head into a wooden shelf, causing his sticky-cum stained Biden shrine to hit his nose, as he screeched like a pig.

“FUCKING PUTIN, HAKIM PUT HIM UP TO THIS! AT LEAST IN AMERICA WE DON’T HAVE SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE for my diabetes!”

Vaush’s wife opened the door, not quite shocked once again to see her husband on the floor, swearing vengeance up and down on Aaron Mate, as Vaush smelled of piss-stained cheeto dust and what appeared to be his own feces, with his 2-inch micro-penis hanging out.

“Did you even brush your teeth yet? Greg Abbot, Ted Cruz, and Zelenskyy want you to look slightly presentable when they all peg you today on stream.” questioned HighYena

“But, I didn’t do it, I was an hour away from being inside a child- I mean a childish perspective- a d-dronie, democrat leaning fan of mine!”

He cried in fake tears of happiness.

Vaush’s wife rolled her eyes and explained “by the way, I’m going to go hang out with my Marxist-Leninist fuckbuddy, I mean friends at the Black Lives Matter gangbang, so I’ll be home late.”

Vaush stood up and tried to grab his wife by the throat “I’m gonna ratio you for cancelling me, just because I have lots of naked pictures of children on my computer doesn’t mean I’m a pedophile, that’s Stalinist cancer! Reporting an autistic pansexual is cancel culture!”

The 500 pound Child Finder of Kariv lost his balance while trying to grab his wife, slamming through the plywood wall.

“Where is my wife Shoe? I need my Nazi Dommie Mommy to attend the Biden speech tonight and tell everyone how anti-white racism is the real problem with the Left!”

“HighYena, are you ready to go bust some caps in some cracka ass pigs?” - asked a smiling, buff 7 foot tall Hakim.

“TEN-KEYYYYY!” shouted Vaush through the giant misshaped puncture in the wall , feebly unable to move.

“Not this cuck again” said Hakim stuffing a carrot into Vaush’s mouth.

“Mmffghhaaugh!!!”

Vaush cried manly tears as he imagined being rescued by all the many children he had befriended over the past several days that the Communist CPS had been stalking him for, after Ben Shapiro and Steven Crowder cut their losses and stopped bribing the FBI to keep Vaush out of prison.

As HighYena and Hakim eloped together to rescue civillians from fascist interlopers are the BLM rally, Vaush came and shit himself as the maggots burrowed into his crotch and he heard the sound of a State Department drone with a painted Hammer and Sickle approaching his once proud, wealthy home.

“Please do not resist, you Russian bot” rang Biden’s voice as hellfire missiles exploded Vaush’s house in a sea of horrible odor and thousands of pictures of Charley Project photos dispersed across the street.

In the end, all that was left of Vaush was his white micro-penis that still faces debate over if its actually his thumb.

His death was reported in newspapers and Fox News and the New York Times’s thinkpieces, but he largely faded from existence and was forgotten, as Hakim went on to eventually lead the Vanguard army to liberate the world from capitalism in 2026, and the written testimonies of children’s experiences of SA survival stories found to have been victimized by Vaush to be placed in memorials of the lost souls in socialist museums.

  • KomradeK
    link
    332 years ago

    The contradictions of capitalism are getting so severe that we’re now at the stage of writing anti-vaush fanfiction.