Look, they won’t let me on any of the important cases, so I’m stuck combing through niche online websites that no one gives a shit about. I’ll give Dick_Owl back their account after I ask you a couple of questions so the boss think’s I’m working.

  1. What does the word “piss” stand for? It seems to some kind of code, but what for?
  2. Ditto for beanis.
  3. Did @UlyssesT@hexbear.net actually have something to do with kissengers death or is it just a poor taste joke?
  4. Why do you hate freedom?
  5. Why won’t you get real jobs?
  6. How can the FBI appeal to the youths of today?

Okay, that’s all. Remember to buy war bonds.

  • Owl [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    34·
    3 months ago
    1. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
    2. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
    3. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
    4. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
    5. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
    6. You’ll never get me to talk, pig.
  • CIAfieldagent734 [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    23·
    3 months ago

    I’ve been working on these mfs for years now and you just go in, hack one of the accounts and literally post from it.

    What the fuck, you meathead, you piece of shit. PROTOCOLS ARE MEANT TO BE FOLLOWED.

    ‘Why won’t you get real jobs? How can the FBI appeal to the youths’

    WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HUNTING COMMIES NOT ASKING THEM FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO RECRUIT PEOPLE TO YOUR DUMB FUCKING BUREAU

  • sweatersocialist [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    19·
    3 months ago

    i can only answer number 6. you can appeal to the youth by showing us your penis. if you don’t have a penis you need to use your FBI technology to show us joe biden’s penis.

  • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    17·
    3 months ago

    I spent 12 hours drafting up and summarizing all my findings for chapochat.hexbear.edu and it frustrates me so much that the FBI would intervene on my assignment from Langley. I was supposed to give a presentation on my findings which included all these answers too! I dressed up and not a single person showed up so I stopped half way through presenting to no one. I cried all the way home that day. Now this nonsense?! It blows my cover and it makes the posters even less likely to become voters for our favorite candidate (both of them). Johnathan China, my rival (if you’d even call him that - he’s so much better than me), has integrated flawlessly and people laugh and joke around with him. Meanwhile our intelligence agencies are floundering, everyone on the message board hates me, and none of my coworkers respect me. They say I’ll never be a real spy and I’m starting to believe them cri I just feel so atomized, alienated, and I don’t know if a better world is possible.

  • Belly_Beanis [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    12·
    3 months ago
    1. Stands for “piss in system supposition.” It’s recursive, so the “P” in “piss” returns “piss in system supposition in system supposition.” Of course this continues to “piss in system supposition in system supposition in system supposition.” Piss (x) is the function denoting how many levels of piss we’re in. As x approaches infinite piss, you get pissssssssssss.
    2. It’s shorthand for delicious belly beanises.
    3. Both.
    4. Freedom isn’t free and I prefer free shit.
    5. Being a stay-at-home son is a real job. It’s not my fault you choose to be a turbo-wagie.
    6. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.
  • SoyViking [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    12·
    3 months ago

    What does the word “piss” stand for? It seems to some kind of code, but what for?

    Imagine yin and yang but with three elements instead of two. It the holy trinity. You have poop and farts so you also need piss to maintain balance in the universe. If you look at the current world it is obvious that the piss is out of balance so we seek to improve the concentration of the piss aspect of the world so our is not too thin and not too dark.

    Marx wrote extensively about this in volume five of capital. If you think about it, communism is the scientific method of realigning the piss to balance the poop and farts.

    Ditto for beanis.

    It is where the piss comes from. But it is more than that. Only true piss fans would understand.

    Did @UlyssesT@hexbear.net actually have something to do with kissengers death or is it just a poor taste joke?

    I am not authorised to comment on any ongoing operations.

    Why do you hate freedom?

    Because I’m jealous of rich successful people and want to soil the purity of the Aryan blood.

    Why won’t you get real jobs?

    Because Xi and Putin pays better.

    How can the FBI appeal to the youths of today?

    Maybe you should print some cool stickers? Or do a rap video. Youths love that stuff.