I just came from failing at my exam. The one subject I studied the most, the one I sacrificed the other subjects for. I panicked and I wasn’t able to do simple math. Nothing ever works. I’m living in almost complete poverty, don’t even have money for toilet paper, eat basically rice every day, I can’t even wash my clothes. My mother has kind of told me to fuck off and I’m supposed to go and live with my drug addict of a father, I need to get a shitty job, I don’t know if I have the mental equilibrium to do both a job and university. I have nothing. I have no one. I need to kill myself and stop pretending I can go forward, it only ever gets worse.
I don’t know the specifics of what you’re studying, but I’ve been in a similar situation to where you are right now. In the past I tried to kill myself after throwing everything away to try and fix my education and it all came to nothing. I had the good luck of having a family that cared enough to fight hard to keep me alive, from the sounds of things that’s a luxury you don’t have.
Going by my own experience I reckon this probably isn’t what you want to hear and I’m sure you’ll be sceptical of it considering where you are at the moment, but I promise you that this misery will eventually pass if you can just will yourself to live for long enough. Whether the pain runs off by tomorrow or far in the future is impossible to say, but it steadily wears down whether or not you try. I was utterly convinced I’d reached the end and nothing would ever change that, but now I’m here talking to you; trying to convince you that this conclusion is wrong. The one thing I can say for certain is that suicide isn’t an answer to your problems. The only way you can ever climb out of this hole you’re in right now is to carry on living and fight against it.
Do you have anyone you can count on at the moment at all? If so please reach out to them and let them support you. If not, you need to find other people that will help you. Until then you absolutely can’t let this overwhelm you.