Half-Life 3 announced. America collapses before its released in 2031

  • betelgeuse [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    The Biden cat is removed from the WH for attacking people.

    There will be pictures of Trump’s penis.

    Biden falls and is actually hurt.

    Zelensky is replaced.

    Trump narrowly loses the general election, promises to run again.

  • Woly [any]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    A republican candidate for the house or state senate in one of the Dakotas will literally kill their opponent with a gun during a debate and get elected.

    A truck full of uranium waste will disappear. The story will be covered by all news agencies for exactly one week and then never be mentioned again. In 2025, a dirty bomb will be set off by “Hamas” in a major population center.

    An article will come out revealing that Biden’s aides have secretly been testing his food because they’re afraid of Kamala Harris poisoning him. This will not affect Kamala’s approval rating in either direction.

    Someone will be murdered by a white women for picking up litter in a Walmart parking lot because her wine friends told her that it was a secret way for pedophile crime rings to pass messages to eachother.

    In that same town there will be a single article written about an underage prostitution ring being run by a bunch of retired state troopers for superbowl games. No one will read it.

    There will be a massive civil war on twitter over whether or not black people need to “take a break so that we can focus on antisemitism right now.”

    Someone will leave cum on Rand Paul’s desk in the senate.

  • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    AI fake fools a politician who complains on TV -200

    Political assassination anywhere in the world +180

    Joe Biden dies +150

    A VP becomes president +300

    Legal battle for whether Israel pledges trump free speech -100

    Israel wins the legal battle +400

    A fascist doesn’t become president +99999

    Bitcoin’s price changes by $40,000 +200

    Retail real estate prices collapse +300

    Retail real estate gets bailed out +600

    Any once in a lifetime economic collapse +200

    Any once in a lifetime weather event +200

    US involvement in an African military conflict +300

  • Egon [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Well see a coup or attempted coup in a EU member state.

    Some German politician thats anti-us gets merced.

    The newly created American army bases in Denmark lead to assassination(s) of one or more “left” organizers in Denmark. Also just regular army base bullshit.

    A new disease starts spreading among cattle. The farmers resist all attempts at regulation, China is blamed.

    I lose weight, but because of something bad happening.

    A priceless piece of art is destroyed.

    Lynetteholmen leads to drastic dieoff of the recently introduced cod-population in the Baltic.

    China produces a blockbuster akin to RRR.

    Merger between steam and some other platform.

    We’ll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

    • Gorillatactics [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      A priceless piece of art is destroyed

      There’s an upcomming British show that’s supposedly bought controversial art and will have the audience decide if it should be burned.

    • SoyViking [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      The Milei regime starts murdering protestors.

      A western ship is damaged by Ansarallah

      At least one high-profile assassination is attempted by Trump supporters.

      Supporters of the losing side of the American election refuses to recognise the result.

      The winner of the 2024 US presidential election dies before being able to take office.

      At least one more member of Lars Løkke Rasmussen’s astroturfed centrist party is forced to resign due to doing something weird, pathetic and/or off-putting.

      Lars Løkke Rasmussen himself will be caught red-habded in another corruption scandal, but will not be forced to resign.

      The new Danish king, being absolutely dogshit at public speaking, will stumble over his own words and say something incredibly stupid.

      At least one coup attempt in Ukraine.

      Three or more new sanctions packages against Russia.

      • Egon [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        10 months ago

        Lars Løkke makes me hate the Danish population. “Ej who cares that he embezzled funds? They’re all corrupt liars anyway”.

        1. THEN DONT FUCKING VOTE FOR THE CORRUPT LIARS.
        2. LARS LØKKE IS LITERALLY CALLED THE “QUOTA KING” FOR HIS CORRUPTION, its at a wildly different level than the rest of the ghouls assembled in the government. he has countless blatant proven scandals. Even if you say that they all do it, he does it at such a higher frequency and amount that it cannot be hidden
        • SoyViking [he/him]@hexbear.net
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          10 months ago

          But he’s “the most skillful political craftsman” because he manages to bounce back every time his incompetency and corruption is exposed. And you want to vote for people who argoing to be good at doing the job, right?

    • Dickey_Butts [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      We’ll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

      I hadn’t considered this but honestly seems somewhat likely depending on how things pan out.

  • rootsbreadandmakka [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Trump dies like a month or two before the election

    This throws the trump/qanon base into chaos. Some dive deeper into their fantasies, trump isn’t dead he faked his death so he could do covert ops and lead the white hats. Others lose their minds and accuse the deep state of assassinating him. There’s isolated incidents of stochastic terrorism, but mostly his base is too cowardly and unorganized to do anything, plus they’d rather watch their shows than take any action, so nothing really happens except for a brief increase in funny/sad facebook screenshots.

    All the chaos results in Biden being reelected.

    Biden dies like the day after he’s inaugurated.

    Biden's new VP becomes president. Finally, we have the best woman for the job!

    hillgasm hillgasm hillgasm

  • DayOfDoom [any, any]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Every single moment of 2024 is going to be worse than 2023. So imagine 2023 again but worse and normie dipshits getting increasingly belligerent and unhinged when any of this is pointed out.

    Cottage cheese-filled pineapples ala Marguerite Patten become a minor trend on Tiktok for a week.

    • DayOfDoom [any, any]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      Your parents get an unofficial separation but are too poor to actually move out so instead chalk sales go way up as miserable boomers with brains fucked up my extremist gender ideology dived their houses in two. Children kill themselves to avoid serving as the middlemen messenger who have to tell the other parent about which bills haven’t been paid.

      • DayOfDoom [any, any]@hexbear.net
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        10 months ago

        Switch 2 is announced and disappoints as it only does the bare-minimum people expect a console to do. Live-action Zelda trailer drops and people who think video game movies are good defend it using their mental health as a shield.

        A “mysterious” disease colloquially known as super-COVID exists and kills 1-2% of the population. The current vaccinations that are 12.5-25% effective against it and cost $125 will be used to blame the deaths on individuals’ financial irresponsibility.

        Mel Gibson denounces NATO and I’m forced to stan and watch the Lethal Weapon films again.

        Edit: Bruce Willis’ children speak into his barely-conscious brain via an earpiece to tell people to vote for Biden in a commercial.

  • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    George RR Martin finishes writing The Winds of Winter but the sole manuscript is stolen. the thief anonymously sells the book to the highest bidder, who turns out to be Martin Shkreli, buying it for 69 bitcoins. he burns the manuscript live on Twitch

  • Gorillatactics [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Palestinian cat goes viral. Israel will try desperately to get an Israeli to get back the narrative which completely backfires with every embarrassing attempt.

    Ukraine war will spread to Moldova, crashing the economy of the maldives.

  • GaveUp [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Maybe in 1 year is too soon but building off the Chinese balloon story this year

    Made in Mexico Chinese EVs start slowly getting sold in USA before the US can fully roll out new tariffs to stop them. Americans go batshit insane and start destroying any Chinese EV they see on the road. At least 1 person gets shot while inside one

    • 7bicycles [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      Austria had a bit of a hilarious shitfit recently on the grounds of the EUs “lowest bidder every time means best use of tax money” regulation for public acquisition awarded a fleet contract for EVs to chinese company BYD because turns out they’re the lowest bidder and suddenly every fan of big boy adult lean state economic obligation suddenly turned into a protectionist when their rules inevitably lead to pretty much exactly what they want to happen

  • Ocommie63 [she/her]
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    10 months ago

    I’ll probably further my transition, come out to more people, start dressing more femme, and maybe even get my hands on some of the good stuff

  • Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    gonna get into a fistfight thinking it’s going to be cool like in yakuza and as it turns out hand to hand combat is not as cool as it is in yakuza