Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Putin also came among them. The Lord said to Putin, “Whence have you come?” Putin answered the Lord, “From spying and threatening Ukraine.” And the Lord said to Putin, “Have you considered my servant Zelensky, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who upholds democracy and turns away from all manner of government corruption?” Then Putin answered the Lord, “Does Zelensky uphold democracy for naught? Hast thou not promised to put the hedge of NATO about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? Thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But let Cheeto Man but be elected to the White House, he who is anti-NATO, and then Tucker Carlson shall spread Russian propaganda, and no one shall stop me when I send tanks into Ukraine and disrupt Ukraine’s plumbing systems by stealing all their toilets.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Do this; only you shall see at the end that NATO will triumph, and that Zelensky is a man in whom there is no guile." So Putin went forth from the presence of the Lord…