I’ll give it a shot, “I thought I apologized already, but whatever…”

  • Sombyr@lemmy.one
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    1 year ago

    I had a teacher tell me to drop out then be forced to write an apology letter for it.

    She wrote “I’m sorry you thought I told you to drop out.”

    So I’m gonna say “I’m sorry you thought” is high up there. Straight up gaslighting.

    • Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Drive me nuts.

      Its definitely some fucked up attempt at uno reversing. They can’t admit mistake. Or worse, rather than try to understand the disconnect, they went into “it’s your fault”.

      Don’t confuse it with the “I’m sorry you feel that way” as sometimes it sounds similar and used to the same effect, but different because it’s not trying to shift blame, but acknowledge your emotions.

    • Delphia@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      That one entirely depends on what the “but” is. You can be sorry and have an entirely good reason for fucking up. Its not a great start though.

      “You slept with me and didnt call me all week!”

      “I’m sorry but there was a TNG marathon on”

      I’m sorry, but my mom died"

  • chaorace@lemmy.sdf.org
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    1 year ago

    🚫 Conditional apologies:

    • “I’m sorry if…”
    • “I’m sorry but…”
    • “I’m sorry for [not the main thing you should be apologizing for]…”

    🚫 Apologizing on behalf of the recipient:

    • “I’m sorry you feel that way”
    • “I’m sorry you came to that conclusion”

    🚫 Insulting the intelligence of the recipient by way of apology:

    • “I’m sorry for not being more clear”
    • “I’m sorry about being so misleading”

    🚫 Non-apologies:

    • “I apologize for…”
    • “It’s regrettable that…”
    • “It was terrible to…”

    When in doubt, keep it simple. Get the main apology out ASAP, then carefully start saying your piece afterward. Focus on yourself if the situation demands explaining yourself (many don’t). Be extremely careful to speak only constructively about other individuals during the apology (if you can’t say something nice…).

    For example: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

    • Cralder@feddit.nu
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      1 year ago

      🚫 Insulting the intelligence of the recipient by way of apology:

      • “I’m sorry for not being more clear”
      • “I’m sorry about being so misleading”

      How are those insulting? Saying that I should have been more clear means I am the one who messed up by not communicating properly. Something like “sorry that you misunderstood” would be insulting since it places the blame on the recipient’s intelligence.

      • scubbo@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        They’re not inherently insulting - there are ways to use those phrases appropriately, but they can be (and often are) used sarcastically, when the speaker had been clear in the first place.

      • chaorace@lemmy.sdf.org
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        1 year ago

        The main issue is that it partially reassigns blame onto the recipient of the apology. As if you’re saying “I could have done better, but if you were someone else it might not have been an issue in the first place”.

        Keep in mind that most apologies are being given unto hurt people and hurt people are less likely to give you the benefit of the doubt. That’s why rule #1 is to keep it simple and spare the details.

        EDIT: A good example of this in context: “I’m sorry for this mixup. It should’ve been written better.”

        Making the object of the sentence explicit (“this mixup”) removes the implied presence of the recipient (“I’m sorry for not being more clear (with you)”).

    • andrewta@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I’ve read a number of these and this is the only one I’ve read so far that I agree with

  • Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    “I’m sorry that you…[took it that way, misunderstood, etc]” basically saying “this is your fault, but I’ll apologize anyway”

  • sunbeam60@lemmy.one
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    1 year ago

    “IF I’ve offended you, I’m sorry.”

    It’s not an apology if you don’t start by agreeing with the other person’s viewpoint.

    Instead say: “I can understand why you’re offended. What I didn’t wasn’t acceptable and here’s why: …”