I think since having become divorced from religion (at least with Christianity, I still find Dharmic spirituality interesting, but I still don’t believe in the supernatural), the idea of death has become a bit more difficult for me.

I tell myself that I am okay with dying, since it’s inevitable, and out of my control, but I think deep down, when I really think about the end of my existence, there is some deep terror there, perhaps related to the fear of the unknown. I can think of all kinds of fantastic quotes about death and finding peace with it, but when I think about what it will feel like to die, it instills great terror within me.

It’s not even a fear of the pain or anything. Just a fear of what may or may not be next. I think part of it too is some sort of fear of missing out. A fear of not getting to see the great things that are to come in this world. A fear of not having the time to learn the innumerable interesting things that there are to learn. So much to learn, and so little time. I think it also has to do with the thought of being forever separated from my loved ones. From my partner. From the person who I share my life with and have created my life with. Imagining being separated from her for an eternity, it brings me to tears.

Interestingly, this is a fear I’ve always had, ever since I was a child. I remember being 4 or 5 years old and asking my dad what happens after death, what death feels like, where my friends will go after death, and remember him becoming almost frustrated with my questioning, because these are obviously answers he doesn’t have and are honestly fairly strange thoughts for a child so young to be pondering.

For some reason, death has always been something on my mind since I was a child, and a very emotional thought at that. I think my brief stint of being religious from early childhood into mid-teen years was an emotional ‘band-aid’ of sorts, but since I’ve come to the conclusion that I truly don’t know what death will feel like or what will happen after death, these thoughts have again started racing through my head, giving me moderate emotional discomfort.

Have any of yourselves come to term with death? How have you managed to find peace with it besides “just don’t think about it”?

  • DankZedong AEnglish
    11·
    1 year ago

    I currently don’t care about death. It’s going to happen one day or another.

    There’s this guy at my (now old) place of work who manages to live every day as if it was his last. For him this means gambling, smoking, not really giving a shit about a lot of things. And he has so much fun doing it. Whenever someone in our group of friends says something about this, his answer is: ‘tomorrow is a certainty for no one. You don’t know what will happen and you very well may be dead a the end of the day’.

    Now, I’m not saying you should be living life like this. Statistically speaking, if you’re young and relatively healthy, there’s a big chance you will live on for a while. Living life like it is your last day may be counterproductive for your life goals. But the longer I watch my friend live like this, the more I understand his vision and his lack of fear about death. You DON’T know what will happen after life or what your next day will bring. One of my coworkers died recently. He had a random seizure, fell and hit his head against the radiator. He was a healthy 21 year old. His parents found him after a few days after they returned from holiday. Life can be taken away very quickly and without warning.

    I know this is a pretty white privileged way of thinking. But at the same time I also get so caught up in politics and making the world a better place that I forget to live a little and worry less. I also don’t want to die without having a bit of fun.

    So, I don’t fear death. I have up thinking about what will happen if I die and I focus on the here and now more.