Just finished my first day. I only had one class and it didn’t even go the full length as we only went over what to expect in the class, typical first day stuff.
I’m writing this because even though I only had one class I was still scared shitless. I was shaking like mad walking through the different buildings looking for my class. I almost fell down the stairs in my panic. Battling the constant negative thoughts with some semblance of neutrality and logic was taxing as hell.
I was so embarrassed just walking down the halls. Everyone looked so fashionable and sure of themselves, I felt like a loser to be honest. My fit was definitely a bit weird and I just caved in on myself, to the point I was too scared to properly stomp the snow off my boots.
I waited outside the class door until it was the scheduled time, but when I went in the auditorium was almost full. I was confused if I was interrupting the previous class. But since this is day one of the year the classes ended way earlier, letting the next class enter early as well. Doesn’t seem like a big deal but all these little bumps felt like an earthquake to me. I even made sure to take my meds but I was still anxious as hell.
I was just filled with self doubt: my hair looks awful, my clothes are stupid, I’m tracking in wet snow, I shouldn’t keep my coat on, is my typing too loud? Does my screen saver look stupid? What app is everyone else using? And many more.
Although, I’m still excited and determined. It seems impossible that I’d feel that way but I know this is my first step in my long term plans. Get your honours undergrad, work towards your PhD, graduate with a PhD, and get to work changing the world.
My professors seem really nice and chill, even giving study tips to help us not get overwhelmed. I’m looking forward to the start of my other courses and hopefully this anxiety will lessen.
Definitely a day to tell my therapist lol
Sensory overload is a great way to explain what I was going through, first day jitters. Thankfully I already looked for my classes ahead of time because I know if I didn’t I’d get mixed up right away.
My first day I only had one class, Tuesday is my first day for my political science class and I think that one I’m genuinely anxious of. The professor seems nice from the student reviews I read, but I’m more so worried about my classmates.
I’m incredibly passionate about politics, which is obvious considering I’m on Lemmygrad, haha. Because of that passion I tend to get quite overwhelmed especially when I’m faced with adversary: I’ll start to stutter, slur my words, or even cry. This is also due to my mental health (BPD, social anxiety, ADHD, whatnot). Seems very contradictory for me to pursue politics, specifically in Marxist-Leninism, but I know I have the means to help and the inner drive to push through.
I’m just hoping my confidence will build enough for me not to breakdown. I’ll definitely be coming here for help in my Political Science courses.
Just remember, the best method to help change someones mind (not everyone will be willing to change) is to make concepts relatable and approachable. Nonetheless, for some people interactacting is best done through writing. I’d think taking notes on topics discussed in class you’d like to challenge, chewing on it and then writing out a response would be a solid game plan. You could somewhat recite it when the topic is referenced in class again or submit it in an online class discussion. Even if you don’t recite or submit it, this process would definitely help build confidence plus your writing skills