Wow we really are similar. During school I didn’t care about my looks. As far as I was concerned the girls at school were horrible anyway and so the only thing I cared about was dreading going to school and running back home to play videogames.

I changed quite a lot since then, I do care a lot more about my appereance than I used to and I think it is at a point where it is detremental again. I always carry hairproduct, combs and brushes, fragarance and a manicure kit around in my backpack. I am also working out and while I can see the first changes to my body I think I am still at least two years off before I reach anything admirable. Beyond that I am ultra self concious to the point were I feel extremly uncomfortable if I notice that my hair isn’t perfect for example. I don’t feel attractive or pretty at all and more or less feel like I have to give it 110% to even pass as a human.

Online dating isn’t really working for me. I used multiple dating apps daily for a few months and ended with 1 match who replied more than once but stopped responding before we could talk about meeting. I don’t know if my profile is the problem or if I am too ugly for online dating but it certainly isn’t helping my psyche seeing so many beautiful people only to fail to attract anyone. I thought about hiring somebody to help me with my profile and picturers but so far I haven’t found anything that looks trustworthy and isn’t just a thinly veiled scam or some toxic pick up artist bs.