I’m a twenty‐eight‐year‐old with antidepressants, so I’ll probably get over this before (or at least shortly after) the year ends, but lately I’ve been acting angsty and much more introverted than usual.
One of my goals was to post something to capitalismindecay daily, but I’ve been pretty lazy with that and my excuse is that what I’d like to share is likely going to receive fewer than five upvotes (i.e. only a few—if any—people will care), so what’s the point. I may was well keep the knowledge to myself since that way I won’t waste my own time.
I haven’t been sharing as much news lately either.
That’s just how it’s most obvious, though. In other media I’ve been even less active. I don’t see the point in using Discord, Instagram, Steam, Tumblr, or even emailing people since the response rate has to be lower than 10%, and when they do reply, it’s often along the lines of ‘I’m busy right now’ or ‘nah’. (This is more‐or‐less why I deleted my Twitter account yesteryear, and why I’ve quit so many Discord servers over the years that now I’m down to only two. In fact, I haven’t logged into Discord for about three weeks. I’ll likely log back in, but I don’t know when that’s going to happen.)
If I could somehow address every single ‘content creator’ who ever said something like ‘please leave us a comment, we’d love to read it’: fuck you for lying to innocent people, and fuck you for wasting their time.
I’ll probably get over this phase once I’m taking my antidepressants more consistently. For now I’m just keeping to myself, mostly. Worst case scenario is that I’ll deliberately misbehave since so few people notice me anyway. It’s usually a nice, consequence‐free way to have a little fun…usually.
I apologized directly to her earlier for my inappropriate comments. She said that the thing that upset her the most was the joke, because she could have unfairly lost her job and her livelihood due to a false accusation that she was deliberately contaminating food. That would have been good to know earlier; (nearly) getting her fired was one of the last things that I wanted to do.
I told her that I didn’t care about being unbanned and that I was going to stop calling her, but she said that since I apologized she could appeal to the administrators and I could call next week for an update. I weakly said, ‘Uh, sure’, told her to have a nice week, she told me the same, then I hung up.
I’m still not going to call again, though; I don’t care about getting unbanned, mostly because Subway is a garbage franchise.
Anyway, I need to stop obsessing over this matter. I mean, what else can I do? I’ve apologized directly to her, she seemed to accept it, I learned my lesson, and I’ve decided that I hate Subway so I am not going back anymore whether I’m unbanned or not. Aside from maybe my own OCD and depression causing me to obsess over this matter, I’ve pretty much put the nail in the coffin.
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