I’m a twenty‐eight‐year‐old with antidepressants, so I’ll probably get over this before (or at least shortly after) the year ends, but lately I’ve been acting angsty and much more introverted than usual.

One of my goals was to post something to capitalismindecay daily, but I’ve been pretty lazy with that and my excuse is that what I’d like to share is likely going to receive fewer than five upvotes (i.e. only a few—if any—people will care), so what’s the point. I may was well keep the knowledge to myself since that way I won’t waste my own time.

I haven’t been sharing as much news lately either.

That’s just how it’s most obvious, though. In other media I’ve been even less active. I don’t see the point in using Discord, Instagram, Steam, Tumblr, or even emailing people since the response rate has to be lower than 10%, and when they do reply, it’s often along the lines of ‘I’m busy right now’ or ‘nah’. (This is more‐or‐less why I deleted my Twitter account yesteryear, and why I’ve quit so many Discord servers over the years that now I’m down to only two. In fact, I haven’t logged into Discord for about three weeks. I’ll likely log back in, but I don’t know when that’s going to happen.)

If I could somehow address every single ‘content creator’ who ever said something like ‘please leave us a comment, we’d love to read it’: fuck you for lying to innocent people, and fuck you for wasting their time.

I’ll probably get over this phase once I’m taking my antidepressants more consistently. For now I’m just keeping to myself, mostly. Worst case scenario is that I’ll deliberately misbehave since so few people notice me anyway. It’s usually a nice, consequence‐free way to have a little fun…usually.

  • Bury The Right
    link
    161 year ago

    Lemmygrad is about the only place online that I actively participate on anymore and honestly I think of my mental health has shot up tremendously since, albeit for other reasons too. There is so many garbage ideas and peoples online and I’ve come to to learn that filtering the quality of information you consume is just as important as learning information.

  • @Ottar
    link
    13
    edit-2
    1 year ago

    deleted by creator

    • Anarcho-BolshevikOP
      link
      5
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      I’m feeling kinda drunbk wrright now, which is weird cause i haven’t had anything to drtink………………buuuuuuuuuut it makes me feel better and i need to feel because i got………i got banned from somebody’s place and i liked her but i made a crappyu joke so noooooooooow i’m acting like this to calm myseldf down hahahahaha………uhhhh…what was i gonna say………maytbew i should get some beer or something to get an aujthentic experience i dont know hahahhaaa

      oh yueah and the reasosn my last thread look so clean, i had it saved on my compuiter before posting it so thatsw why it looks nice and tidy ahahahaa

      • @Ottar
        link
        5
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        deleted by creator

        • Anarcho-BolshevikOP
          link
          41 year ago

          That delirious episode that I had this morning was likely due to the hydroxyzine on which I overdosed. Since my depression tends to be modest, I rarely take them. The other night my mental anguish was so awful that I could actually feel my head ache.

          Anyway, I talked with a friend and I realize that my previous interactions with this employée were likewise questionable. I once admitted to this employée that I like visiting because I enjoyed ‘her presence’, I gently asked if she was interested in maybe meeting me after work, and I even offered to do household chores for her, to which she politely declined.

          I know that other guys have done so much worse and more extreme than this, but I was still overstepping my boundaries, and it’s plausible that my weird joke (“Make sure nobody is watching when you spit in my food.”) was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. No more, no less.

          I’m done with trying to win over service workers. It’s too risky, and I fucked up. Big time.

          • @Ottar
            link
            4
            edit-2
            1 year ago

            deleted by creator

            • Anarcho-BolshevikOP
              link
              5
              edit-2
              1 year ago

              I apologized directly to her earlier for my inappropriate comments. She said that the thing that upset her the most was the joke, because she could have unfairly lost her job and her livelihood due to a false accusation that she was deliberately contaminating food. That would have been good to know earlier; (nearly) getting her fired was one of the last things that I wanted to do.

              I told her that I didn’t care about being unbanned and that I was going to stop calling her, but she said that since I apologized she could appeal to the administrators and I could call next week for an update. I weakly said, ‘Uh, sure’, told her to have a nice week, she told me the same, then I hung up.

              I’m still not going to call again, though; I don’t care about getting unbanned, mostly because Subway is a garbage franchise.

              Anyway, I need to stop obsessing over this matter. I mean, what else can I do? I’ve apologized directly to her, she seemed to accept it, I learned my lesson, and I’ve decided that I hate Subway so I am not going back anymore whether I’m unbanned or not. Aside from maybe my own OCD and depression causing me to obsess over this matter, I’ve pretty much put the nail in the coffin.

              • @Ottar
                link
                3
                edit-2
                1 year ago

                deleted by creator

  • @pancake@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    91 year ago

    Well, if you think about it, it’s a huge step that you’re sharing this :) Interacting with people is always good for the mind, but doing it a lot can be exhausting when you’re feeling down.

    • DankZedong A
      link
      71 year ago

      I second this. It seems that the brakes are off for a lot of people. Rude people everywhere. People are more short tempered, more racist, more unhinged than before Covid. It really did a number on a lot of people.

      Football fans and people going out seem to be the most visible change for this. Over here, there’s weekly hooligan fights at almost every match. Going out to a bar results in fights almost every weekend now. It’s like a lot of people just stopped caring.

  • @afellowkid
    link
    81 year ago

    For what it’s worth I tend to read many of your posts on Capitalism in Decay and I really like how much effort you put into them, and find it to be valuable and useful information. I don’t typically reply as I am not sure what to add. I also have felt a bit unclear about whether certain things I considered posting there would fit in with the community’s purpose, which is why I haven’t made a thread there before. Next time I run across something that I think to post there, I’ll just go for it instead of wondering if it “belongs”.

    Anyway, do what you need to to take care of yourself. Just wanted to let you know that I am one of the people who tends to read the valuable and interesting information that you decided to share there, and I thank you for doing that even if you’d rather stop or slow down for now for your own well-being.