I used to be a law student in poland (i hate that coutry and it’s ‘conservative values’), and I made a mistake by coming out as trans (mtf btw) to my conservative father (I really dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i hoped propably that he’d at least try to understand) and told him to not tell this to my even more conservaive and more religious fanatic mother for a while. Of course he didnt keep that fucking secret, he told me that he was devastaded by the news, and my mother was in tears. I then backed out out of this back into my closet, but I was so devastated, that I failed to exams and have to redo a year. So i am forced to go back into my fucking home. Even though I am quite visibly depressed and even attempted suicide twice, they did not make any appoitment to a pshychologist, but my fucking mother thought that i was possesed (fortunately now she doesnt think that i am). Instead of psychologist they force me to go to church nearly daily, where for example I heard yesterday priest comparing abortion to nazism. And they (my parents) almost constanty tell me haw i made them heartbroken after I told tham that i am trans, they wont even consider that they are destroying me and my life. They even forced me to give facebook and gmail passwords, so I cant even join any support group here. And did I menton that my mother is as emotionally stable as balans Just after fall of yugoslavia and my father sometimes hits me when hes angry. And the fact that poland is one of the worst places for lgbt people doesnt help either. fuck my parents fuck poland fuck vatican
Poland is definitely not one of the greatest countries to be in with regard to this kind of situation. What your parents are doing is indeed terrible, and if this experience could tell you anything, is that human beings are absolutely not as bound by blood as idioms tend to portray.
What I recommend you do is backpedal. There sadly is nothing of benefit that could come from you continuing to hold this position to your parents, considering they would continue to coerce you with the harmful things they are doing.
Try and work and grow toward becoming independent without having to rely on your parents, whether that means getting a job, moving out, being able to possibly move out to another country as you possibly progress, and so on. The situation you are in is undoubtedly difficult and hard, but it is not the end of the world.
Your light would have to be the possibility to break free from the control of your parents, and that’s exactly what you have to work with. As bad as it may sound, you did get forced back into the closet and you have to play your cards right, considering this is a matter of you essentially surviving.
Do whatever keeps you sane and try to improve your relationship with them for as long as you have to be under their control. You could go as far as saying that you only had some ‘stupid thought that is now gone’, that you had a ‘revelation’, some kind of ‘message from God’ or whatever else that could bring their image of you back to a positive one.
As they appear to be fanatically religious, based on what you mentioned, you could most certainly say you just recently had a dream that ‘brought you to light’ and they’d absolutely buy it. It might help you defuse the situation to some extent and regain their trust, which can pave the way to you moving out to study or work or get in a position that frees you.
Your own thoughts and ideas can be kept to yourself until you manage to move on from their control. Keep in mind that the situation you are in is not your fault; those are simply narcissistic and fanatical parents—there sadly are plenty and enough of them in the world.
They were faced with a choice of supporting their child and living a healthy life together, or spending their last days in a nursing home, alone, all because some metaphysical spirit is telling them to. They chose the latter, and the only loss is theirs, I can promise you that. Stay strong.
Thank you, told them earlier that “I don’t feel trans” and think they bought it, however I’m afraid of gaslighting
Well, they are trying to gaslight you. The primary principle behind religion/religious indoctrination is pretty much gaslighting to begin with; you also said it yourself: “your parent thinking you’re possessed”.
It’s obvious their intent is to bring you to bend to what they want, regardless of the means; but it’s not something that you have to give into. Stick to your thoughts. Keep being yourself and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself going until you manage to get things back in order.
You already mentioned it yourself in your own post: the statements and ideas pushed forward by the church itself are so irrational that it’s almost difficult to believe. As long as you keep your sanity, you’re going to be fine. You know who you are and what defines you, not them, and they can’t tell you otherwise. This statement is never wrong.
Just make sure you prioritize your safety and well-being before anything else that could hazard it. I personally for example still live with my primarily liberal and conservative family; there are some religious influences going around as well, i.e. to the extent of having crosses and other symbols all over.
I don’t intend on coming out to them until I manage to move out (very soon) and at which point I know I will be able to properly continue my transition while staying safe. Even if this means staying silent when it comes to talking politics or gender, I simply just keep my own thoughts and get by however I can.
I’d recommend you do something similar where you just make sure you’re safe and then keep looking into your transition and being out once it’s a good idea to.