I suffer from existential death anxiety, but I don’t feel like anxiety is the correct word to describe it. The feeling lasts for only seconds at a time, and sometimes doesn’t happen for weeks, but it’s almost enough to tell me that living is too much for me to bear. It’s fundamentally different from anxiety, it doesn’t feel like something that I have the capacity to feel. What value does evolution see in feeling something so utterly horrible that it leaves me desiring the thing that the fear comes from?

My will to live is incredibly strong. It is common for me to feel euphoric from how much I love life. It doesn’t feel like pure happiness, it’s euphoria. It’s glorious.

If a world war begins I will probably die. I am very ambitious and there is a lot I want to do, but it’ll tate decades. A premature death will leave me never having reached a conclusion.

There is no need to comment on the quantity at which my situation, or one of the many far worse ones is being played out. For a person who is not an excrement of time just one instance should be enough to realize an urgency.

I desire the state of being able to desire the state of being able to desire … the state of being able to desire non-existence. Not like non-existence can be achieved. It’ll forever have been that I lived and suffered. It is so painful. It is weird to look back at how the world looked when I was a child.

  • Lemmykoopa
    9·
    2 months ago

    “I am certain that the time will come when science will become all-powerful, that it will be able to recreate a deceased organism. I am certain that the time will come when one will be able to use the elements of a person’s life to recreate the physical person. And I am certain that when that time will come, when the liberation of mankind, using all the might of science and technology, the strength and capacity of which we cannot now imagine, will be able to resurrect great historical figures- and I am certain that when that time will come, among the great figures will be our comrade, Lev Iakovlevich.” - Leonid Krasin

    Russian cosmism for more of this strain of thought

  • IStealXiBucks
    7·
    2 months ago

    I’ve been dealing with a similar anxiety recently. It sucks.

    I’m a bit afraid of the future, but here is what I’ve learned during this time:

    1. Sometimes we need some bravery to go on.
    2. Sometimes our brain hurts us for no good reason.

    I hope you will make it through this tough chapter of your life.

  • panned_cakes [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    5·
    2 months ago

    I just reassure myself that the “slippery slope to armageddon” is chiefly an American policy debate tactic that takes our counterproductive ideas about national security at face value to justify the actual escalations which could lead to armageddon, the ruling class of AUKUS EU SKorea and Japan can’t actually handle having their assets damaged, and the strategic vulnerabilities of the empire we’ve constructed are now public knowledge

    Did you know that even without nuclear weapons, it’s possible to reach parity with a nuclear weapon? You need a horde of cheap drones and only a few basic munitions landed with precision, rather than nuking an entire base, for a similar effect. “Israel” has so many pointed at it that even if they go “rogue” (ridiculous IMO, they follow US orders with plausible deniability) it wouldn’t require a full nuclear exchange envisioned to lead to a chain reaction & armageddon.