Or, would you say most women actually perfer submissive men?
To be more specific, I’m talking about men who are submissive in their role in the relationship as a partner and also sexually.
It’s an interesting, I guess, maybe taboo sort of topic that I would like opinions on.
Thank you for reading.
I sense that the question belies a mindset that romance is a numbers game, and I am eager to point out that it’s not. Success in love, in my experience, comes from the willingness to share yourself with others and the courage to be vulnerable.
Don’t worry about how many people would like what you’ve got to offer. Focus on genuine connections with the people in your orbit, and branch out from there.
Caveat: unless you’re surrounded by abusers
There are going to be as many opinions on this as there are women who like having sex with men. Some women like dominant men, some like submissive men, some like doms on even days and subs on odd days. Some only like doms on a full moon. Im using silly examples, but the point is human sexuality can’t come anywhere close to fitting into binaries like this. Individuals have their preferences, and no two individuals’ preferences are going to be the same.
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Pro dommes would absolutely be a thing, dungeons aren’t cheap
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It is hard to estimate but in general I would say there are more submissives of any gender than dominants interested in them.
I like submissive men, and generally am downright turned-off by dominant men. Am I the norm? Probably not. I think there are more subs than Doms just in general, but especially among women
But I’m just answering your question as presented. Another has already commented some decent love advice if you’re asking about this stuff as pertaining to you
I will add, though, that while strictly in a D/s dynamic, women are subs more often than Dommes, in any dynamic that strays from BDSM, the submissive tendencies are just sort of a spice when they come up, and that, if you’re using the word submissive to describe a man who isn’t conventionally masculine (Or maybe toxic masculine), you’re probably better off. We wanna feel safe with who we’re with, and outside of BDSM, you’ll probably have better luck as a gentle, emotionally intelligent, confident person. Some people might describe that as submissive
In new relationships where the topic of kink hasn’t come up yet, there also tends to be an expectation that men (even those of us that are submissive) be dominant to some degree. It often leads to formative behaviors where men who want to be submissive play the switch role at best. Another reason why there may not seem to be as many subs as it appears. It’s a hard habit to break.
there also tends to be an expectation that men (even those of us that are submissive) be dominant to some degree
This is an important point to make, for sure. Things like this will be greatly impacted by things such as cultural norms and expectations, so any statement that says “There are more D men than D women” needs to come with the caveat that there are likely biases in these observations, and that culture and upbringing have an impact, either deciding the ratio, or skewing it
I do tend to default thinking of men as Dominant, and that is in no small part due to culture, but I’ll add that this assumption is specifically outside of the kink community. In BDSM spaces specifically, I expect most men to be subs, but my own experiences could also be because I attract the guys who are looking for their “goth mommy dommy” 😅
Hah, oh no. I’m sure there’s been no shortage of kink “tourism” from guys on the goth mommy front, too. But hey, if it normalizes masc sub behavior, I’m all for it 🤷♂️
My experience would show that most women prefer a man to take charge.
Even many women with very successful, high power careers want to take a submissive house keeper/mother type roles in the home.
Many women also find it gratifying for men to take control sexually.
Of course there is no “one size fits all” solution to people and in the age of equality, any suggestion that gender roles aren’t equal in every way can be very controversial.
I will not address the sexual aspect, but the social aspect, I know I prefer my guys to be more “submissive.” That doesn’t mean I want them to be quiet and never take charge; it means I want to be the one to take the leading role, take them out for dinner, provide for them, and so on. I prefer guys who are more domestic, down to earth, more in tune with i.e. cooking (since I am not), but I would also like to take them out for shopping trips and feel good knowing I can buy this person a gift. No, this is not the norm; many people still follow and believe in the primitive gender roles as we know them. Some people who read this comment may not even believe me; how could a woman enjoy spoiling a man!? Unbelievable. But no, I genuinely do, and I wish there were more spaces for women like me with preferences like this.
I like being spoiled.
And I baked a crusty loaf of sourdough bread this morning.
Perfect match.
Now kiss
Most people don’t want to date submissives. Plenty do. Some don’t realize they want it.
There are people who prefer other people in specific ways, sometimes.
That’s about as precise as this ridiculous notion can be entertained.
What if I were to tell you this ridiculous notion is actually a fetish thing?
That would be a different question then, wouldn’t it?
Yeah I’ve found women are way into men who don’t describe themselves as dominant or submissive. It is way more attractive to ditch those ideas and just be a partner.
Sexual kinks are a different thing, but if you’re worried about attracting women as a whole or for a relationship then it’s too early to talk about kinks like that anyway.
FYI: there is a difference between wanting a submissive man and wanting to dominate (or break) a powerful man. I imagine there are more women of the latter than the former.
You’ve gotten a ton of amazing answers but to help demonstrate the point made about there being as many opinions as they are people, I prefer my domestically submissive, sexually dominant partner. So there’s even more shades to consider.
I can’t speak for all of us, but I know I do.
I think that many societies condition people to believe that men are dominate and women are submissive, so that is still the mainstream, but that doesn’t mean that there are not women that benefit and desire a submissive man in their relationship.
Probably heavily dependant on the culture.
Personally, I believe the two dimensional stereotype is an indicator of intellectual depth. I can’t stand when a (perspective) partner expects me to act a certain way all the time. Like, how about we both focus on making compelling interactions that motivate desire in each other and forget this whole simplified binary frame of reference. Maybe I play hard to get and that tension overflows into my submission. Maybe sending me a pic in the middle of a conference meeting drives me wild by the time I get home. One of the few smart things my father ever said is that relationships are never equal unless you’re putting in 100% of your effort and the other person is doing the same. My perspective is limited, but I think everyone should find someone that compels them to engage in a broad spectrum of interactions and exploration.
That said playing with AI and isolating Western cultural norms based on English language datasets, we are far more misogynistic that most people are willing to openly acknowledge.
One important factor regarding submissives: 2 submissive people, regardless of how attracted they are to each other, are less likely to connect due to their submissive nature. in my opinion, people in general want a dominant person to take charge, excluding sociopaths/psychopaths, due to human laziness.
as for women specifically, from what i’ve seen the majority tend to be submissive, so that goes back to my first point, but also they usually don’t seem to care as long as the guy is over 6 feet tall, has immaculate teeth and they get some kind of benefit from it (money, free meals or rides, status, jewelry etc.) but my opinion there will probably get me all sorts of probably deserved hate. This is mostly theoretical. I’m speculating because I tend to be on the submissive side and i’m jaded as fuck, so take anything I say as worth a grain of salt.
