Entertain my hypothetical nonsense where my argument makes sense!

"Bro, imagine this world where, like, we all like were business owners and we all had mushroom hats, and everybody like didn’t pay taxes and the Martians came and gave us advanced technology, and like the USSR had never happened and there was no war, and I come out and tweet something using my Constitutional Right to Free Speech, and people who worshipped the Flying Spaghetti Monster tried to stop me because they had a religious belief that petting dogs was wrong, and I wasn’t allowed to stop them because the Flying Spaghetti Synod had ruled that owning guns was wrong…

… would age of consent laws still be valid?"