• AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          super cute femmy nb friends

          That’s like 90% of my friends nowadays and the other 10% are either super cute androgynous and / or genderfluid enbies or super cute trans women, the latter of which are mostly named Sarah and accordingly lethal. When i tell them to destroy a guy, they will also assume i mean “by using a bladed weapon”, we’re going a bit overboard with the whole sword lesbian thing atm.

            • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.net
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              11 months ago

              tbh it’s kinda problematic to use AFAB in contexts where you just want a more up to date way to say “bioLoGiCaL women”, especially when referring to nonbinary people who are probably not fine with being called women at all. Please don’t shoehorn people back into bio-essentialist and binary categories that may be major dysphoria triggers for them.

              The entire AFAB / AMAB thing was originally coined by the inter community to highlight the arbitrary nature of doctors assigning gender by taking a brief look at a baby’s genitals, not as a way to ignore self identification which is the only actually workable identifier of gender. The AGAB of the people you find attractive is irrelevant to begin with and you usually wouldn’t have a reliable way to tell it in the first place.

              • FourteenEyes [he/him]@hexbear.net
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                11 months ago

                Thanks for the feedback. Edited. Tbh I’m scared to express desires like this because I don’t want to be problematic or chaser-y. And of course, more importantly, I don’t want to hurt people or make them uncomfortable. And I recognize this comm isn’t for me so it’s on me to examine this stuff and think very hard about my word choice before posting.

                • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.net
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                  11 months ago

                  If you’re interested in learning more about the subject, here’s a good video about the use of AFAB/AMAB as a replacement gender binary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv1byknT_jU

                  As far as the rest goes, yeah, it’s difficult for a straight dude to be sexually and / or romantically interested in queer women and nonbinary people. The main thing to look out for is to leave people who identify as lesbian alone, none of us want to be approached by men in this way. Stick to trying to date bi / pan people and don’t be an ass about it. When we’re talking about a lesbian who may actually be a little bit bi or make an exception once in a while, actively trying to be that exception or even “fix” her will automatically and completely disqualify you and make you the potential subject of a vent post on r/actual_lesbians. pls don’t be that guy.

                  When you’re dating a trans person, you need to be aware of the fact that our bodies may be subject to change and that it is exclusively within our agency how we want that to happen. Bodily autonomy and the fight against being gatekept and doubted in the legitimacy of our gender identity are the central struggle of many trans people. In the case of transmasc people, in this context meaning: people who undergo physical changes masculinizing their body, this means that the cute butch looking person you developed a crush on may at some point grow a beard, get male body odor, may experience changes to their genitals, that they may be extremely uncomfortable with their chest being touched until they get a mastectomy, that their hips and butt are a constant source of dysphoric pain and insecurity for them and so on. It may mean deciding on he / him pronouns and being referred to as your boyfriend at some point, which frequently causes problems when cis dudes not used to queering their sexuality have to refer to him in such a way in front of their straight friends. Dating transmasc enbies when you’re actually straight can and frequently will lead to the realization that you’re simply not gay enough to maintain a relationship with them. All of these are actual examples from the dating lifes of trans men and transmasc nonbinary people i know personally, this is extremely common and very painful to them. Almost every trans dude and transmasc enbie i know has at least one awful, transphobic, manipulative boyfriend in their past. It’s both horrible and super widespread. There’s problems with transmasc NBs dating cis lesbians as well and they are often not that dissimilar, but i’m sticking to how queer women, fems and transmascs read as women or woman-aligned struggle when dating cishet dudes because that is what is relevant to what we’re discussing here.

                  I could go on with trans women and NB transfems, but i already talk about our experience with chasers a lot, so i’ll leave it at this.

            • ThereRisesARedStar [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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              11 months ago

              Cursed to be attracted to people who mostly aren’t interested in cishet white men I guess

              This is apparently a super common thought for trans women who haven’t realized yet. Along the lines of “why do I keep ending up attracted to lesbians?”

              • FourteenEyes [he/him]@hexbear.net
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                10 months ago

                I’ve explored this thoughtspace and I’m pretty secure in my gender, really, just not in the idea of being manly or masculine in the traditional sense. Since, you know, that requires integrating with patriarchy and controlling people with violence.

  • WittyProfileName2 [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    I keep getting disapproval from folks because I’m refusing to pick a new name and my current one is very male. Oh and people who’re otherwise very supportive pivoting to assuming I’m a she/they enbie that just doesn’t know all the lingo.

    I have to be like, “Yes I know what non-binary means, and just because I don’t dress super femininely or want to change my name to Branwen or some shit, doesn’t make me one.”

  • zifnab25 [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    KJB had a bit for a minute about insecure trans girls just going to “Girl Names” website and picking the first one they find on the list to get it over with.

    Five years later, Alices and Abis are out here rocking your world.

  • Rania 🇩🇿🏳️‍⚧️
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    11 months ago

    Rania is extremely common in Algeria, so I look like moron when I turn my head when I hear someone calling another person named Rania.

  • edge [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    But what’s their pit bull’s name? I’m guessing Morningstar’s is “Destroyer of Worlds and Consumer of Souls”, the friendliest little goofball you’ll ever meet.

  • bigbologna [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Out of coincidence I picked a name that was in the top 10 most popular girl’s names for my birth year. I just liked how it sounded :meow-shining:

  • SexUnderSocialism [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    11 months ago

    I remember back when I first started questioning my gender, not knowing I was trans yet, I used to call myself Jessica for a while. Later I realized how incredibly common that name was among trans women. trans-egg It felt like every group would have at least one Jessica.

    • magi [null/void]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      This was the issue I had when choosing my name(s) I didn’t want to pick something super common. I’ve not ran into someone with the same name after 8 years so I’m glad I made a solid choice

  • Des [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netM
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    11 months ago

    my actual (not username)femme name is super normal and also kind of androgynous and i was lucky to be told repeatedly by my mom of my “alternate girls name” when she was picking out names. i prefer using the more andro nickname too but i’m a pretty butch transgirl anyways

    was one of the many first eggy things that tickled my brain.