ALAN!!!

Me too

Bob is my Starbucks name, they always get my real name wrong.

Because Bob usually knows, and/or did it.

(I use Bob too)

The only right answer

I told you it wasn’t important.

Ya. That’s right. Turd Ferguson. It’s a funny name.

I remember they used to sell Bort name tags at the Universal Studios Kwik e Mart. I regret not buying one.

Are you taking to me?

We are all out of Bort license plates

“I’m not going to ask you to remember them all. Mostly because I don’t remember them all. Therefore, for ease of both narrative and our collective sanity, I’m going to name only the more important members of the Crow’s Song. The rest, regardless of gender, I’ll call ‘Doug.’ You’d be surprised how common the name is across worlds. Oh, some spell it ‘Dug’ or ‘Duhg,’ but it’s always around. Regardless of local linguistics, parents eventually start naming their kids Doug. I once spent ten years on a planet where the only sapient life was a group of pancakelike beings that expressed themselves through flatulence. And I kid you not—one was named Doug. Though admittedly it had a very distinctive smell attached when the word was ‘spoken.’'Doug’is the naming equivalent to convergent evolution. And once it arrives, it stays. A linguistic Great Filter; a wakeup call. Once a society reaches peak Doug, it’s time for it to go sit in the corner and think about what it has done.”

• Brandon Sanderson, Tress of the Emerald Sea