I have to prioritize other things, it just doesn’t have a place in the budget. Absolutely least of which is a piece of paper that tells other people my brain works a little differently. I’m totally averse to taking medication for ADHD, I “self meditated” for years with “trailer park meff”. Clean for over 5.5 years now and I don’t plan on taking any sort of stimulants for anything. The most caffeine I drink in a day is 2 cups of coffee every morning.

Besides that, I absolutely do not struggle with it. Since I’ve allowed my scatterbrained ass to shine unimpeded depression never gets a chance to take hold as my brain “turns the page” to something else when I start to go down, I never ever ever get bored, I have hobbies (you could probably call them rotating special interests, but whatever) that I love to learn about. And more than all that I found happiness. Like I might not look forward to everything I need to do but I’m genuinely excited that I’m here today. Every day. After spending so much of my life in full self destruct mode and really really just not wanting to be alive, it feels amazing. It took over 30 years for me to figure out and accept myself and I’m pretty fuckin fond of the person I am.

Yeah I’m super excitable, yeah when I’m in my moment I appear manic as hell. My attention span for things that aren’t my special interests may be shorter than convenient, but I’m me. I love me, besides that it’s the only me I’m going to get. I’m supposed to be an individual and I embrace the hell out of that.

I’m not trying to just sit here and toot my own horn but if folks knew how my feelings for myself were so much of a polar opposite from that for the majority of my life… sorry I’m rambling.

I wouldn’t know what to do if my weirdness and eccentricities that I’ve finally embraced were to disappear or change. I take my qualities and quirks as a part of me and while they can be challenging, I far more often lean on them as the strengths they are for me and the way I handle things AND my happiness.

Would healthcare be neat? I’m sure. I wouldn’t know what to do with it though, never used it. I supposedly had fantastic coverage when I was a general manager of a Papa John’s, but I never had a chance or desire to use it.