Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn’t display any of Jesus’s qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?
I’m a Christian and while I don’t know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don’t expect to see her in Heaven…
she doesn’t display any of Jesus’s qualities
Disagree.
She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it’s canon at this point.
Also the episode of Jesus removed at the theatre… Wait what is this bible?
For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus “removed at the theater”
If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the removed of the Theater and the Christ.
I’ll wait for a good uncensored chatbot to write me a seemingly truthful story about exactly that. I wonder how many people would believe it if I just showed them
Me and Jesus await with ’bated breath.
I wonder what he’d say about fanfics concerning him
Despite Him having:
- known you’d be born in ≈2000 years
- known He was dying for sins He defined and you commit, which He also knew and did nothing to prevent
- having had the audacity to whine to His Dad when He unal*ved both a God and Himself in an act of auto‑sui‑dei‑but-also-somehow-fili‑cide-by-cop by and through the innocent hands of local law enforcement, our boys in blue, whom I still salute when I’m driving, and while those closest to Him, who were Jewish, could do nothing but listen to the moaning you are responsible for, but which He chose to endure
- been surprised that His dad forgot about Him,
I believe He’d be surprised if there weren’t Oily/Annointed/Christ Josh/Jesus fanfics of a charismatic 33-year-old, may peace be upon Him, taking it both ends, my son.
Might be in one of the Gnostic gospels.
Brawndon 6:4-7 And thus went Big J to the theatre, for Pagliacus was in town. But when the spectacle started, Jesus was overcome by the lust of removed. And so it came to pass that he was brought to the tribunal for indecent exposure, and removed, and petty theft and also grand theft auto, bribery, and contempt, and illegal possession of firearms, and possession and sale of drugs, and illegal possession of a dangerous animal.
Jesus had hair like lamb’s wool, canonically.
She is also white, like Jesus.
True true. And also christian, like Jesus the Jew.
i’ve heard about this supply-side jesus doing miracles. she pretty much raised some dead tent there.
Jesus would’ve given handies in the cinema if he was asked.
Through the holes?
👀
MAGA Christian, which is the majority of “Christians”.
I can’t tell which part you’re replying to. Are you saying I’m MAGA!? I agree that unfortunately most “Christians” are, but I dare you to check my history…
Seems like “Christianity” and “following Jesus’ teachings, words, and example” are completely at odds. I appreciate what you are saying. Why don’t we hear Jesus Followers calling out “Christians” more vocally and often? I’d expect more of a break in the church at this point, but it seems like a fairly united front to me even now.
I have to conclude that the vast majority of Christians are fine with people being shitty as long as they identify as Christian.
There are Unitarian churches and similar places of worship that don’t allow this bigotry.
Absolutely, they’re at-odds! Church attendance is down and people like me will now walk out if the pastor/leadership starts talking about following Trump. As for why that is, I don’t know. I think people have been following money and power rather than Jesus for a while now…
Give atheism a try, you won’t regret it.
Oh common guys, that doesn’t have to be about oral sex and you know it.
It could just as well be about doggy style.
But she sucks so hard
Golf ball through a garden hose hard? If not it’s still not worth it
Soft ball through a straw
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she could suck start a harley
she could suck the bend out of a river
Probably not. She’s got the pursed lips of a twenty year smoker.
Wow. Way to circumvent my comment with a clever zip in the other direction. I love it.
Sigh… unzips.
She’s certainly good on her knees, but Jesus’ got nothing to do with it…
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Catholic priests: That’s what I keep telling the alter boy!
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So she gives good head. Woopty do.
You’re gonna have to stand on some books cuz knees too strong.
I think they tossed her from the theater before she was “driven” to her knees.
And she’s got that poofy hair so you can set your beer on her head…
I wouldn’t even expect her to be good at that. She has the same personality as those who are bad at it- arrogant, condescending, etc. The traits that make her a bad person also tend to make bad lovers.
Yeah, she’d have to kinda turn around and root down under the sheet until she could find the hole that had been cut out, and all of this without her glasses no doubt. Doesn’t make for memorable oral.
She’s cumpletely right.
As an atheist who was raised Christian I’m torn.
On one hand, God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards. On the other hand, I am of the belief that this life is all there is and shitty people like her are statistically unlikely to get some cosmic comeuppance after death
Right, that’s the thing they don’t get. Might surprise them to learn, I almost wish their beliefs were true, so that they might taste that eternal fire they wish on others for their own shitty actions and thoughts
As an atheist, I wish we could have a rapture so the rest of us could get on with our lives
Depends. Do the people they think are saved go, or is it people who actually follow Jesus’ teachings? The former would be great, but the latter would mean losing some good people.
blowhards
indeed. heh.
Sam here all around, it’s unfortunate that she won’t get punished for being a huge POS. She’s just going to live life convinced she’s some oppressed and just individual.
God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards
I thought God was perfect and loved all.his children equally.
Going by what happens in this life, God seems to reward shitty people.
Idk man the Bible has God hating a lot of people. Sometimes individuals, sometimes groups.
She knew
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?! - Archer
Bobo, what the fuck are you talking about?
Whose shots have been fired exactly?
Cum shots.
That’s not an answer to my question, captain obvious, Sir.
A lot of the Christians who ban extramarital sex also define sex very narrowly; as such, they say “if you see a nice Christian girl on her knees, she ain’t praying”.
Catholic Girls
At the CYO
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?
Aaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll the waaaaaaaaay.
That’s the way they go.
The religious right is officially a post-religion movement.
