Hi comrades! This is my first time on Lemmygrad, so I apologise for the abrupt introduction. I saw there’s an introduction community, although it seems abandoned. I’ll consider making a post later today perhaps in this community, if you have better ideas for where it should fit, please let me know!
How do you deal personally with expressing affection towards family, lovers etc.? Capitalism has definitely commodified affection/love/relationships in every aspect (e.g. Valentine’s day), so it’s hard to not fall in for “consumerist love”. Obviously, a type of affection and compassion I’d argue are integral for the wellbeing of any society, although invidiualism as we know hardly promotes this.
The culture also creates expectations of how affection and any type of relationship should be “performed”. Corporations such as Disney which have a near monopoly on all expressions of late-capitalist culture often set stereotypes through the media they present to us, a good example being the Aladdin animated movie which is very racist, or Tarzan which was not popular until Disney animated it and made a friendlier version of its story. Thus this gives birth to lots of unrealistic expectations and pressures, because we feel we have to “perform” to our friends, family and lovers like we’re on a stage. This ties in and is reflected in the usage of social media, we can see unrealistic body expectations, although mostly in the cishet space as far as I know, please correct me if I’m wrong. I think it’s a combination of factors, first off the culture sets everyone up regarding expectations then they’re exacerbated on mainstream social media such as Instagram.
Now regarding a more personal aspect, I find that I have a hard time showing affection, even to family. Some people naturally express their emotions well, while I find myself not even going for hugs, and so on. I mostly internally justify it as “oh the other person would think it’s awkward,” perhaps it’s a lack of communication on my side. More often than not, this resulted in people thinking that I’m uninterested in them (as in friendship or a relationship), or even in an extreme case someone thought I hated them which was definitely not the case. I’m more of an introvert, although when I get to know the person better I become rather extroverted with them, so I think I’m ambiverted. I want to learn to express my emotions better through creating mostly, although I have yet to find a good creative process to suit me other than writing, which I enjoy. I think social anxiety plays a role in this, also the fact that I overthink most social encounters and exaggerate to myself how the other person understands my actions.
I’d love to hear your experiences and opinions regarding the subject!
spoiler
(Spoiled to save space) I relate to much of that. As someone in an Anglo society I have grown to find awkward physical touch with most people, especially family, but with those I would like to hug and such I fear initiation as not to be imposing or awkward. This extends to reaching out to hang out with people and so on. I also perceive that it seems not worth my time to be talking about things that don’t matter with people instead of reading or listening to something alone. However, I find that I desire to have more close connections with more people. I find that when I do talk or listen to people I do feel somewhat better overall, but it still feels like I’m looking for some more progress, which seems difficult to achieve. As a way to improve apon discussions by others that seem pointless or based on spectacle (the guy dubord type) I like to try to insert socialist/anti-colonialist/anti-imperialist talking points, and it feels good when I do, but before I do I get very anxious about mixing up words or them not liking it or no rational reason, and I often can’t find the moment to do so, because when a few people are talking and I’m hardly part of the conversation it feels weird to “butt in.”
I could, go on, but I don’t really have a point I’m getting to other than I relate, and I guess you have to try, because there seems to be some intrinsic value in social interaction, even if it’s weird.
Yeah, many of the times I decide to not engage because I’m content with the current level of a relationship and I don’t want to “ruin” it in some cases.
Ah well I face this contradiction too, I mostly try to find a balance. Also journaling helps, kinda.
If the moment is right I always show my viewpoint, although depending on the situation not mentioning it’s necessarily ML. Most times, if I’m talking about a subject such a historical matter or political, I try to question them until they arrive at a closer ML view. Most of the time it works because they don’t get overly defensive, though obviously it depends on the person.
I’ve started journaling, though it’s kind of hard to keep it up.
Of course. It’s not like I say something like “As a Marxist-Leninist this is what I think.” Though most people know I’m some kinda commie, whenever I try to add radical stuff to conversations I usually just present it as something I read somewhere, or sometimes as something coming from my interpretation of a perspective that’s not certainly my own.
I found that if I journal on paper I can be more consistent, although that would vary depending on your situation, if you can do it without someone snooping etc.
That’s clever, works too