I just had a call with one of the party organizers in a city near me and basically the conclusion we came to is that I should wait to join as a membership due to my age as I’m in a very transitory phase in my life, end of high-school -> college/workforce age. My mental state is also not very good but a major motivator for me to get better and stay sober was so that I could be the best comrade I can be. Now it looks like I won’t be able to join until I am moved out and independent (which will likely be another year and a few months just because money exists)

It’s really disheartening because I basically live for and am obsessed with aiding in systemic change and the fall of capitalism and I just want to help so bad. I feel like such a useless parasite right now, like I’m aware of how bad things are and yet I’m still just not able to do anything.

I know it would do wonders for me mentally too, having a purpose, to work towards something with people I love and am like-minded with. Just joining this community and shooting shit online with comrades has made me feel better, I can’t imagine what serious organizing would do for me which would in turn make me a better and more dedicated member of the party. I really want to be a good person and a good comrade.

I’ve always struggled with my age restricting me from things I feel like I can handle because I’ve always been kind of a nerdy, “mature for my age” type. Not saying I’m special or trying to be arrogant it’s just I’ve always had different outlooks/thought processes and different priorities than my peers. I have connected far more meaningfully with the adult world my entire life, in part because I can learn so much from them, and also in part because I was raised by them and had no siblings, cousins, anything like that.

The organizer is very nice, I admire them a lot and it’s just an unfortunate situation. I don’t want to wait to help. I want to get out there.

Sorry for the rant, just feeling useless