Pretty much the title of the post. I started watching porn at a very young age (12 I think) and stuck with it for 13 years. Without retelling my entire life story, porn is the only sexual outlet I have.
I wanted to quit for a while now due to ethical (I don’t think I have to elaborate how fucked up the porn industry is to anyone here) and psychological reasons but so far it always ends in me quitting for a few days and then returning.
I want to stop, I can’t call myself a communist while engaging with something that is so vile and opposed to communist principles but I don’t know how to change my habits in a way that allows me to permanently quit and satisfy my urges in a different way.
Find a person to share your passion with. I know this is the obvious and direct solution, and that’s my point and aim. Porn is a stand in for romance, your real problem is you have no romance in your life. Start with figuring out where to meet people you have similarities with. Next, learn how to socialize and flirt. Lastly, find someone who sparks your interest, start a conversation, become friends, and slowly begin flirting with them. I’m sure we’re all aware how alienated we all are, so yes I say learn these things. Go slow and be patient, this is similar to starting an old car thats sat for years for both parties. Many people do not date the way our parents did so it’s likely the people you talk to will be experiencing this for the first time too. This is advice intended for an American, if your conditions are different then try to modify the process but the goal should be the same - find someone to share your passions with. Spread love :)
You hit the nail on the head. I am from Germany. So your advice still applies I think. I know that I reach out to porn most of the time because I feel lonely and unwanted but meeting new people is very hard for me. I am still trying though but progress is slow.
For example: I play Warhammer, well I build and paint the models but I haven’t played a single game since I moved. Why? Because I just can’t bring myself to go to my local Warhammer Store and ask strangers if they want to play. I just feel overwhelmed and get panic attacks if I try to do so. This led to me visiting the store, akwardly skluking around for a few minutes and then buying new minis before I leave to not seem as awkward.
I also tried to join a political organisation and while I felt comfortable enough around my comrades to actually go to a party with them without freaking out there is no local group of this organisation in my town yet, so I have been tasked with trying to build one up (with the support from comrades from other groups but we see each other rarely). And so far it has been rough. I don’t even know if I can stay in my current town or if I have to move again when I start with my masters degree. So all of this is up in the air.
So far the only succes I had when it comes to meeting new people was visiting a weekly boardgame evening. In the beginning I couldn’t bring myself to go there without one of my friends by my side but since I started to get to know the people I feel a lot better and can go there alone too. I feel very comfortable and confident in this setting to the point were I make the people around me often laugh and they are happy to see me. But I don’t think I will find a partner there. Most people are guys and while there are a few girls, they are all in relationships. I am still grateful for finding this place. Making new friends is always valuable and I am glad that I found a place where I am able to do so. While I am more sociable than I used to be I still feel like I am way off finding someone.
Yes I agree, the possibilities of finding a partner in a boardgame setting are limited. You grazed over school, is that a possible avenue for finding a partner? Perhaps a study group? Are there any other similarities between you and anyone else who you play games with? If so you could consider asking to join them in that mutual interest. If they are involved in another circle of friends, one for that interest, that could be an opportunity for you to meet new people. And so on and so forth with time. What are your thoughts? Do you think these options are beneficial?
Maybe once I continue with my masters degree. Currently there isn’t anything to study for since I am writing my bachelor thesis. Study groups are a possibility but I wouldn’t count on it. I noticed that most people who study the same field as I do have very different interests. I am a giant fucking nerd studying a field that has very few nerds in it. But I will keep an eye out once I get back to actually studying.
Kind of. There was someone who was intrested in joining the local group I am trying to build but so far there was nothing more than a general interest in it. Beyond that there hasn’t been much but to be fair I don’t know the boardgame group THAT well yet. So this might be an avenue worth exploring more.
Beyond that I forgot to mentoin that I also tried to give online dating a shot. But the reults were disapointing. Quoting myself here:
Online dating is very…inpersonal. Because of this it’s highly flawed. When two people meet IRL there are pre-existing social rules one must follow which helps facilitate normal relations, it helps people tune into each other and connect. Online this doesn’t exist. The online etiquette is of distrust, shock and awe, and 30 second attention spans. This is not an ideal environment for people to connect in. Perhaps the attention issue comes with the nature of the internet what with the data connections being so fast, but the distrust and shocking nature of the internet is entirely by design of the overall mentality of society right now. All the internet is really is our minds speaking to one another through text. Even the 1% are here, the bots I think perfectly represent them. Robotic, parasitic, anti-social. They prey upon human interactions, revolving around our behavior. Perhaps one day the internet will be a place of casual conversation between mutually benefiting humans and all of this nonsense will be a thing of the past. This is not the case today though. Regardless, love is more than simply communication. Yes we must communicate, but think of the animal kingdom for a second. There is sight understanding their nature, their behavior. There is smell, pheromones play an important role in all reproductive cycles. There are shared physical environments and experiences which build history and chemistry between 2 people. IMO, online dating is doomed to fail. I think only when we develop trust for our neighbors can online dating play a role, likely in GPS-linked apps like today except instead of sending d pics being the norm, inviting one to coffee is.