This is gonna be somewhat personal because I guess it has to be to explain where I’m coming from, but I’m also going to try to limit how much detail I get into given it’s the internet and all. And also because I don’t want people trying to make my political views about what else I am in life, so they can be more dismissive of them somehow. Not that I expect most of you would, but people can view post history and all.

But I am sharing it here because it’s something some of you may understand that others may not. I have felt, for most of my life, like some form of outcast or outsider. Or at times like a hipster, but in the meaning of someone who shirks the mainstream not to wear beanies and thick beards or whatever but just sort of because they never connected to the mainstream and maybe never quite understood its pull or felt welcome in it.

There are various reasons I could go into as to why (which gets personal with my history fast), but at this point, it feels sometimes like I’m a magnet for it. One of my favorite hobbies from a young-ish age was video games. This later become a source of insecurity when I found out how stereotyped it was as “angry video game fan” (and some of those stereotypes are true and make everyone into video games look bad). It happened with religion; my family was Catholic and when I became an old enough teen, I moved toward atheism. Later on, it happened with political beliefs. Today, I’ve never felt more confident and informed and just grounded in my political views, but the closest people in my life? They feel like strangers in this regard. They can agree on “being nice to others” (which was something they taught me) but it’s hard to get through to them beyond that.

To top it off, in the last couple years, I got into AI as a hobby. Now prior to that, I’d had some interest here and there in the concept of it, but it wasn’t at the stage where it was really a thing unless you were going to be a researcher or read articles about it. Generative AI made it viable as a hobby. And I’ve talked about that before here, the way I approached it, trying to be ethical about it, but it sucks that it is also a commonly hated and stigmatized thing. It feels like video games all over again, but even worse.

I look at this pattern and I go, it’s no wonder I feel directionless sometimes. The stuff I actually enjoy doing most chronically gets looked down upon, which makes me feel bad for being into it, which makes me question being into things at all. And with the political stuff, I don’t even feel safe. In my home, I do, don’t get me wrong, but overall as a person with these kind of beliefs living in the US.

I don’t understand people who are able to just “be themselves” about what they’re into and not worry about what others think. I can stand my ground on ideological stuff, strongly held beliefs, like politics. But shrugging off some of the other stuff is hard. I’ve felt for much of my life like I’m doing something wrong and missing something others “get” and the being into stuff that is looked down on / hated I’m sure makes it worse, if not is the cause.

If anyone gets this far, thanks for reading. If you have advice to give or sympathy, I’m open to either. Though I expect some of it is an emotional thing, not a matter of acting much differently. There’s something profoundly lonely about feeling like an outsider. It doesn’t make me cool. I wish I could feel safe to “conform” to society and know it’d be to mutual benefit.

  • commiespammer
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    1 month ago

    I feel similar to you. Nobody really cares about stuff I like, it’s generally stigmatized… so I felt pretty shitty over the past few years, and I’ve tried a few times to ‘fit in’. But I’ve met some nice people, and while they’re not perfect, they share my interests and they don’t judge me. I think you should try meeting more people, online and in real life, who share your hobbies. There’s a lot of people, at least some of them will like what you do.

    • amemorablenameOP
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      1 month ago

      Thanks, I do seek out that kind of thing to a point, but I could probably use a lot more of it, especially in RL.

      • commiespammer
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        1 month ago

        yeah, I think it comes down to luck/waiting partially since it took me a good 2 years to get to where I am now, which is still… not great.

  • Shinhoshi
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    1 month ago

    I don’t have much advice to give you because it’s fairly likely that a good portion can at least relate partially — being a leftist in a Western country is quite isolating after all.

    For your other interests, it might ironically help you to know though that most people being moderates is not limited to political issues. It’s very likely that even if someone is aware of stigmatization, they likely have moderate positions in reality.

    For instance, with the recent developments in AI, I think there are both significant problems with it (e.g. environmental consumption in some cases), but also perfectly innocuous uses that are quite interesting and I think I need to learn more about.

    • amemorablenameOP
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      1 month ago

      Appreciate the thought and yeah, that is a fair point. I may to some extent be doing that thing of overly focusing on the people who hate the things I’m into most and giving less mental focus to the ones who are either lukewarm or enthusiastic about it. It is admittedly a chronic problem of mine to think too much in terms of pleasing everybody rather than being solid on what I care about most and letting the other stuff land where it may. Intellectually, I know it’s not healthy, but ingrained behaviors and related thought patterns can take a while to change.

  • Beat_da_Rich
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    1 month ago

    Have you tried MeetUp? Might very well be able to find people into your niche.