This is going to be a heavy one. It involves suicide and sexual abuse, if those are themes you are sensitive towards, this post might too much for you. I apologise for even bringing this here, but I don’t know how to navigate this situation and I don’t have people I can talk to at the moment.

Earlier this week, a friend from high school, J, commited suicide. We hadn’t been in contact for a while, I never even knew how much he was struggling. I received the news Wednesday morning, from another high school friend, D. Back in high school, D was my closest friend in the school. We drifted apart after graduating, but reconnected a few years later. We don’t see each other often, but we talk a lot through Facebook. D and I were both very shocked by what had happened. I told how him how I hadn’t been in contact with J, and he mentioned he and J had “cut ties”. At that moment, I didn’t realise what an odd way of putting that was. Just growing apart is one thing, but “cutting ties” implies something severing that relationship. The next days, I received a message from another high school friend, S. S was a year younger than us, and friends with J’s sister, F. There would be a memorial for J, and S was collecting pictures. We talked for a bit about what happened, how J’s family was taking all of this, then suddenly S asked me if I was still friends with D and whether I knew why they weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Thinking back, D did mention once that S cut him from her life. I don’t remember the explanation he gave for it, though. S went on to tell me that D was a pedophile, and had sexually abused two children. I’ll be honest here, when she said that, my first thought was “bullshit, no way D would do something like that”. But then doubt immediately creeped in. Why would she lie about something like that? There is absolutely no reason for S to make something like that up. I couldn’t believe it, but it had to be true. She told me things he had confided in her, as well as things she saw herself. She gave me names of friends in common she had already told this to, including F. One of these friends, G, is still friends with D, because he gave her a different version of this story and she believes him. I don’t know what to do with this information. D is one of my best friends, he would be best man at my wedding. Hell, when my partner and I talk about having children, his name comes up as a possible godfather. I’m trying to ready myself to have a talk with him about this before cutting relations. I believe S, 100%, but I need to talk to him. I can’t just ghost him, I need to tell him why our friendship is over and I need to see how he reacts when confronted with these allegations. I have moved to a different state earlier this year, so at the very best this conversation will happen in July, when I go visit, since this needs to be in person. I’m thinking about talking to G to see what he told her, to be ready for whatever bullshit he’ll say. I just can’t stop thinking about this. I knew D was abused as a child, but I never expected him to do anything like this. I’ve known him for over a decade! I brought him to my home, with my (no longer) infant siblings! I feel sick to my core. I kinda want to confront him already, but I really think I need to do this in person. What do you all think? Today’s his birthday, I’m glad I’m not in my hometown so I have an excuse not to go. What a horrible fucking week.