I’ve never actually read Settlers aside from a page or chapter or two but I’ve seen people sum up its major points on reddit comments. Ironically, the day before the event I’m about describe happened, I watched BadEmpanada’s video making fun of Gonzalo and talking about the atrocities of the Shining Path.
Yesterday I had a mental breakdown in a public space and started yelling and threatening to get violent to someone to the point where security had to escort me out of the building I was in. I then proceeded to run in front of the street in hopes a car would kill me.
While there were other factors, like having to wait in line for hours with no guarantee that it would even be worth it, and perhaps not having enough hours of sleep, the main reason why I snapped was because I, for some reason, was so upset at the idea of people in the first world being complicit in the exploitation of people in imperialized nations with their usage of luxury products gained from exploitation and the idea that the biggest problem in a first worlder’s life is the fact that a video game or movie sucked, or that someone cheated in a speedrun. I kept thinking about all these (often long or very long) Youtube videos you see where someone talks about speedrunning crap or makes a 12 hour video dissecting why a TV show is bad. It bothered me that people in my home country care so much about those insignificant things instead of imperialism.
In addition, a person who I am very close to and care about deeply had sent me a pro-Taiwan video on Discord, which led to me spamming the message “Fuck off”. My brain had malfunctioned the point that I fantasized about killing myself to stop these dysphoric feelings, even taking it another step further by thinking about taking others with me via ultraleft terrorism. Thankfully this is 100% materially impossible for me to do and is not even remotely a realistic concern. I feel embarrassed that I even experienced this brainrot since I literally hate Maoists and make fun of them all the time online. The thought I even had feelings like this is extremely out of character and I can’t even think of any logical reason why it even happened. Can someone tell me how I can avoid ever hating the local proletariat ever again?
TL;DR: I hate speedrunning and video essays.
Your individual health is important. Take a step back from theory. Making fun of Maoists does nothing for you, don’t waste energy and health on them. Take a step back and focus on humanity, and what it means to be human. Learn about active struggles in other parts of the world. Focus less on theory and memes and breadtube videos. I recommend the Tri-Continental, it’s a magazine directed by Vijay Prashad and it covers struggles all over the world. I like to read it because it helps me empathize with concrete issues, people engaged in struggle teach us many things. Theory is not abstract, it must be applied to the world around us.
You do not know “Sakai Thought”. A lot of ills have come from too many people only reading a few paragraphs of Settlers, whether they come away thinking positively or negatively of the text. There should be no feeling of guilt from that text, it is only a study of the history of the labor movement in the US and why it has failed. The book cuts down the mythology of the movement in the US, which a lot of the mythology serves to cover up the impact of racism and sell to the black and indigenous workers the myth that freedom for white workers is the same as freedom for all. Just, read the book. The only take away I see is that white workers, who do not naturally have an understanding of racism, assume that race isn’t a class construct, which can lead them to the reactionary position that destroying racism is outside of the class struggle. Men, inherently make the same mistake thinking that combating sexism is outside of the class struggle. Stretch this line of thinking to all oppressed groups. Oppression in Capitalist society is all within the context of class struggle, especially the settler construct. Those who ask for Unity without these things being addressed, without advancing all struggles together, only ask for more backs to step on while crawling out of the bucket.
We are human beings, we labor for fun. If capitalism did not exist people would still be making video essays on shows, competing on speedruns, playing sports, dancing, crafting outfits, making beer, etc. Capitalism has created the environment we live in, but we are all still human, in any environment we do humanly things. Cherish it rather than hate it, people deep into concrete struggles still like to enjoy life, haven’t you seen the videos of Fidel crossing up scrubs?