“I’m fine.”

The problem is I keep repeating the same lie.

Not me but a good friend of mine met a girl and lied about his job. He was already working a decent job as a floor salesman while applying to be a flight attendant which paid more money. He told her he already had the position he was applying for, which he never got and it kept snowballing until he could no longer come clean without major consequences. For 6 months, he had to make up a fake flight schedule, fake work-related anecdotes, etc., Needless to say when he eventually came clean she ended things, and I suppose he learned a very strange but valuable lesson. It was pretty funny to me at least.

That I loved her…

I don’t lie as a rule but there’s misleading line on my resume. I didn’t graduate college because I ran out of money, but I did do all the coursework. I put the degree program on there for positions outside the field, because they’re not going to check but still want someone college educated.

“Are you from this country?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, happy voting!”

“I do.” to the vicar…

Edit: this is a joke. I’m not some kind of disrespectful philanderer irl.

Before my kids were even born, my wife and I made jokes about what we’d name them. Real tragedeigh-level names.

Sometimes we’d get concerned looks.

The worst ones are those who agree with our obvious joke. We’d say we’ll name him “Duhmpstar” or “Phartz” and they’d gush over how original and cute it’ll be. Where it bites us in the ass is that we never ever reveal that we’re mocking them, and they actually use those names for their crotch goblin.

Just because I am Australian doesn’t mean I am a criminal.

She started it. It wasn’t a lie per se, but it has guided me ever since I said that.

Little domino - “Yeah I can totally play Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.”

Big domino - “Our second child is finally asleep, but I think they pooped.”