Jesus: “You did WHAT in my name?!? Why would you torture gay ppl, wtf is wrong with you?!?! Why do you treat poor people so terrible, did you read my book at all?!”
“Oh my dad! Look at how much you’ve polluted Fathers planet, he is going to be so pissed. What do you mean prosperity gospel? That’s not what that means!!! Me-Christ, you people are the devil!”
Even funnier, there’s absolutely. Nothing in the Bible about the rapture. It would mean they lathed their fan fiction into reality just for it to fuck them over
It’s not true that there’s absolutely nothing in the Bible about the rapture. “One day there will be trumpets, Jesus will return, God will judge the living and the dead, the dead (first) and living will rise in the air, some will be taken (followers of Christ) and others left,” this is all in the Bible in one form or another. There are infinite interpretations between Christians/groups just like nearly every other issue, and several things have been inferred/added or taken out to fit the exact common rapture narrative, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing about it.
Ex.:
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Matthew 24 is Jesus telling his disciples what will happen when he returns in a story inspiring the modern rapture doctrine
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1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 (KJV): “For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”
And none of that has anything to do with the fundie interpretation of “rapture”. What’s next? The eye of the needle being a gate?
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That gate never existed, or at least no evidence for it’s existance exists. The myth dates back a couple centuries[1], but I think it’s widely established that it is just a myth.
And here I was thinking that was pure evangelical cope. That’s actually historically attested to?
It’s evangelical cope by evangelicals who don’t even understand the supposed metaphor they made up. Even in the gate situation, a rich person would have to give away all their material possessions before becoming Christian or dying to enter heaven.
When a tele-evangelist (Kenneth Copeland I think) was confronted about this, he said “well also through God all things are possible 😉”.
These preachers know what they are doing, they are just evil.
You don’t know what “nothing” or ”none” mean.
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The rapture would supposedly take place after a prolonged period of time, decades if not longer, marked by deep pain and countless suffering by all of humanity. During which, the majority of humanity will in fact perish in awful circumstances.
The rapture out of a clear blue sky is a pure evangelical hopium dream that expressly contradicts not only the assorted traditions and beliefs of the actual church but even the actual biblical passages they claim to base this misinterpretation from.
If someone is anticipating the rapture they are deeply ignorant of the basic fundamentals of their own religion, e.g. a typical evangelical.
you clearly missed the passage about the gog magog war. silly tankie
Keeping it a buck if I was still in the church like I was before my family found out I was seeing a man, I think I’d assume these times right now were the end-times.
The Rapture narrative became popular in the US bc both sides appeal to american conservatives.
Got raptured? Cool, you’re in heaven now
Got left behind? Its now a dog eat dog post-apcalypse world, better load up your guna to defend your family from the Antichrist!
Jesus: JFC guys, you weren’t supposed to try to bring on the rapture
The hubris at the core of evangelical shit right here. They don’t believe in an omnipotent God, because an omnipotent God wouldn’t need their help. They, through their actions, show that they believe that they are God, an actual true heracy.
…through their actions…
Catholics: You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to Works.
i’m assuming it’s more of a calculation. maybe their faith has their chances of salvation at more of a “5 to 6 and pick 'em” deal (a coin toss), but they believe–as the tensions and strife of global conflict rises from climate change, displaced persons, disease, and conflict geographically within and connected to “the holy land”–they are asserting themselves and their institutions as nodes of authority so they and their communities can receive the exaltation of the most desperate and confused.
major “Chaos is a ladder” vibes.
It literally says so in the scripture: “like a thief in the night; no one knows the time or the day”.
Motherfucker, if you think doing something will bring on the rapture, you’re already wrong because nobody knows when it’s going to happen.
All well and good but jesus wouldn’t say “oh my dad” jesus would say “oh my me” because he IS god not the son of god, you have implied heresy and thus you will not go to rapture and I will because this is what it’s all about.
Heaven is just a place for nerds to argue about rules. If you don’t like it you can go to hell and have icky sex and do yucky drugs while listening to horrid music with lots of brass horns (ska is the only genre played in hell read Dante’s inferno!)“You did what with the oil?!”
Biblically speaking it’s likely. They’re basically spouting blasphemy constantly
I really enjoyed the Leftovers on HBO. It was fantastic.
The rapture happened on March 5, 1953. Anyone left didn’t make the cut
rip King
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
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I am just saying, does the infernal army want recruits? I’d be down to join. It be cool to see all the humans from the other 298,000 years of human history.
