I bought a switch because I wanted to fit in with everyone else and play party games with friends (fuck family). I played Mario party and I had a good time, it was fun and the RNG was great I had never in my life played a game where it didn’t matter how well you did it could all fuck up at the end which happened MULTIPLE times. I don’t know why I bought a switch because I realized later I could have just purchased the joy remotes for a disgusting 70 dollars but instead I went to my friends house like a fucking doofus showing up with a Nintendo switch under my arm and the device literally dropping onto the floor after it came loose from the dick. “You don’t need to use yours” my friend laughed “we just need one” are you fucking kidding me? “Then why the fuck did you tell me to get one?” Mood changed instantly, not my fault.
I wasn’t having fun at all, I was just thinking “I spent 300 dollars on this piece of shit, that’s 4 grocery shopping days, that’s more clothes, that’s this that whatever anything but this piece of filth Nintendo switch you fucking losers go soy over. So every time it’s my turn I angrily play and I make sure people know I’m angry, it got to a point I rolled so poorly I threw my joycon and left the couch, everyone went quiet but I didn’t give a fuck. One of my friends who has a romantic interest in me (not reciprocated) started rubbing me on my back, “bad day?” They said and I just felt even more angry but this time the anger was directed towards them. “I know you like me but I don’t like you” I said, they cried, left, don’t care, I spent 300 dollars on a piece of shit I’m never going to use.
None of my friends know how to navigate around me so it always feels like they’re hostages trying to ease their way out of the situation where they have a gun pointed at them, it’s pretty selfish of them considering I was the hostage and they were the shooters shooting me with “buy switch” or “Zelda is a good game it’s just like dark souls” or “get one it’ll improve your mood” has it fucking really? Has it improved my mood? What would improve my mood would be if someone paid me 300 dollars to piss shit and set the switch on fire and then throw it at someone playing happily’s head, that would improve my mood. Instead I have to use my adult fingers to navigate around a tiny ass “controller” it’s a fucking joke, just to have fun… your idea of “fun.”
I get Zelda because if it wasn’t clear already I am a dickhead, “it’s like dark souls” that one prick told me, wrong, nothing like dark souls why did I listen to this prick? My life is like dark souls because I have people laughing and lying at me, I’m always losing my SOULS because some MERCHANT “”friends”” tells me to buy this item because it will improve my VITALITY what a load of bullshit. Zelda sucks it looks like a unity project some kid made on the school computers, the story is literally “we repackaged the first game and sold it to you again because you are a loser and keep paying us money.” Tale as old as time for all Nintendo games tbh, smash, Metroid, Mario, Mario kart, sonic, Zelda, insufferable pokemon. I see a lot of people on hexbear talk shit about funko pops as they should, but the moment you condemn pokemon they go off on you like you killed their family. What the fuck, really?
I’ll give it away
Get a Steam Deck
Install RetroDeck
Choose from literally tens of thousands of emulated games to play for free
Do what you want cuz a pirate is free.
Don’t Steam Decks cost like $800?
Nah, the cheapest one with no oled screen is $400 in the USA. Not super different from the switch price if you consider that you can pirate unlimited free switch games.
Ah in Poland that’s no biggie, just a months worth of wages! See? Anyone can afford it!
Seriously though even the cheapest model is so fucking expensive, that when I see someone with it in public (and I do!) I don’t think “How cool!”. I think of where the fuck did they get the money for it?
There was a big sale a few months ago when I picked mine up. Definitely not cheap. Alternatively there are a bunch of emulator oriented handhelds that have a bit less power and/or are a little more complicated to set up, but are also a lot cheaper.
Nice to see they’re coming down in price, they used to be crazy expensive in Aus when they first came out. I remember when a friend of mine showed me his like a year ago. He said it cost him $900. Might just be a weird regional thing tho.
Even $400 is too expensive for me these days. I probably won’t get a new console until my potato laptop explodes. Hell, the only reason I have a switch is because my friend gave me his old one a few years back.
Thank god for piracy!
buy them refurbished for like $300 if you don’t want OLED. the cheapest OLED is $500, but as people break theirs and/or get bored you’ll start finding those refurbisehd too for a good price. get the cheapest one with the screen you want and slap a better NMVe drive in there, or if you’re too scared to open it then buy an SD card for it.
deleted by creator
🏴☠️🚢
Never change, Melina.Calling Sonic a Nintendo product might be the
of bait. I love you.I won’t lie, I didn’t notice until I scrolled down and read this. I got fucking punk’d
Nintendo fans are gaming Disney Adults.
Games with color are bourgeoisie. If I want to gave fun I simply ding rocks against the side of my hollowed out Soviet tank
Idea for a bit - Games of Color.
Mario is a POC, after all
A real communist game would involve being a depressed alcoholic person talking to miserable poor people in a slum!
Oh wait…
The two biggest games made by communists are Disco Elysium and Tetris. That makes so much sense that it’s hard to put into words.
I like it when the plumber goes woohoo
mods mods it’s Italianphobia
Pokemon fans are anime Nintendo Adults
I once saw a white guy trying to pick up women at a train station in Tokyo. He would go up to them and say in broken Japanese “My hobby is Pokemon”.
He did not have any luck.
GOOD post
Do people actually think this is funny? Genuinely curious. Obviously it’s a satirical post, but it’s just not that funny to me.
This is the Nintendo Switch of replies.
The redditor arrives
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
No, this is really just tame tbf.
Your post reads like a reddit post, which is why I’m not finding it funny.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
Yeah I was a dumb ass kid. I’m still not the brightest.
Sorry for being a shit head Melina.
Thanks for trying to make everyone laugh
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
Brevity is the soul of bait
Love you Mel, you’re right up there next to BMF as one of my favorite legendary posters round these parts
Melina makes tongue in cheek posts that some clueless folks take seriously, BMF makes serious posts that we all collectively laugh at and go ‘good one’ to.
Little do u know it’s the other way around
Thoroughly disagree. BMF is good, if hyper obscure, takes phrased in the most online way possible. There have only been like two that I could not parse. Mostly I laugh at the phrasing because it is more unique than Maoist English, but not quite as catchy as UlyssesT phrases were.
Melina is mostly just specifically calculated to make people on this forum mad but in a kinda funny way, but with doing that kind of posting you are going to whiff alot.
That’s what I mean by BMF’s posts being serious, they’re clearly a well read person who posts in a way that is hard to take seriously. It’s just ironic that many of us treat Melina posts like they’re real, but BMF posts like they’re just jokes, when it really should be the other way around.
Removed by mod
Zelda sucks it looks like a unity project some kid made on the school computers, the story is literally “we repackaged the first game and sold it to you again because you are a loser and keep paying us money.” Tale as old as time for all Nintendo games tbh, smash, Metroid, Mario, Mario kart, sonic, Zelda, insufferable pokemon
okay but how does jeffrey epstein fit into all this
Miyamoto was on the flight logs
animal crossing is an island
None of my friends know how to navigate around me so it always feels like they’re hostages trying to ease their way out of the situation where they have a gun pointed at them
you can tell this is a bit because nobody who is actually like this has ever been aware enough to articulate this phenomenon so well
Bold claim, we just know to not do pathetic self pity and groveling like that
good post
Wake up honey, new site tagline just dropped
based great post melina
last good thing nintendo ever did was the gamecube
Lmao I’m old enough to remember when the Gamecube came out and people were saying the same thing but about the Snes
Cube had a carry handle so you could takenit to your friends house if you had them or hit your sibling(s) with it if you had them too
BS. The DS and 3DS are 🔥.
ok zoomer let’s get you to bed
DS and 3DS were millenial things you fucking gen x geriatric
Wrong
Gen x geriatric
I’m literally gen Z
You have bad tastes
ok grandpa no reason to over exert yourself
DS was good, but the 3DS saw the switch to the soulless 3D mobile phone ascetic that dominates low end gaming now.
The 3DS is the 3 Dark Souls of Nintendos.
hot but obviously correct take: hardware doesn’t matter, only games do and nintendo has never made more consistently good games than right now
and the best part is: you can just steal and emulate all of them
My last great victory in life was against the Omega Pirate in Metroid Prime hard mode.
I dunno Wii sports was pretty great and Twilight Princess was way better looking on Wii than gamecube.
The GameCube was hampered by using those stupidly small minidiscs instead of DVDs. The discs had less storage space than the PSP discs.
I hated the damn gamecube. Under powered and the most annoying thing to put in a backpack to take to a sleepover at a friends and all for no reason other than the gimmick of it being a cube. Don’t get me started on their stupid ass tiny disks that youd have to buy a nintendo disk case for cause no normal person had a mini cd case. N64 was last good console and SP was last good nintendo handheld.
The power with the GameCube wasn’t the problem, it was the mini discs/CDs. The GameCube was technically more powerful than the PlayStation 2. But due to the insufficient storage space on the discs, textures were compressed to hell and back with DXT1 compression artifacts and 8 bit colour compression. Soundtracks were cut, especially on third party games. Which meant that all the third party games looked the worst on the GameCube, because the textures consisted of 5 pixels total lol. And the songs and background music was randomly spliced and cut, along with being heavily compressed.
I know this because I did texture modding for GameCube and PlayStation 2 emulation.
Thats both very interesting and infuriating. So if they just used normal disks nintendo may have not gotten the reputation of caring less about graphics and that could have impacted their future console decisions. For better or worse.
The thing is first party Nintendo exclusives still had really high quality textures on the GameCube (due to optimisation of texture compression and decompression), just playing Wind Waker will show that off. It was all the third party games that got affected really badly in the texture department, because it would be way too much effort to redesign the entire game for the GameCube. Especially racing games. Audio was the big area where both first party and third party games suffered, the audio chip on GameCube was slow, and when combined with the storage requirements, it was a big problem.
Ok everyone, you were right; it’s a good bit.
Sick of all the video game nonsense on Hexbear. I come for succinct dialectical stylings and dope musings, not “pac man mario” toys.
they’re playing Breath of the Wild in the Black Lodge
Video Lames
when discussing video game we do not discuss pac man mario toys we discuss the dark soul in all the somber seriousness it demands.
boomer 🫵
You should play Elden Ring, it’s just like Dark Souls if you’ve heard of either of those.
plus there’s actually someone named Melina in the game 😳😳
maybe not like this Melina, but still Melina
I heard she was a blade of some woman named Miquella but we don’t get to meet Miquella.
holy shit, hexbear 2? 😳😳😳
Malenia is the blade of Miquella. You see Miquella’s desiccated body
I’m not sure how we can take this maiden-less tarnished person seriously as the Elden Lord if Miquella is still desiccating around. The tarnished can’t even talk! Maybe better to put Ranni on the throne.
