I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.
Two questions:
What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the “magic of Christmas” at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.
And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a “talk”? Let them figure it out on their own?
Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn’t real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.
I have 3 kids. I’ve never lied to them about Santa. I’ve always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.
Damn, hitting them hard with reality at the end there lol
We have 2 kids, and never said that Santa was real and that some of our friends believed that it was the ‘birth’ of a scarred person to them - we talked about solstice etc. The second of our kids had an unwavering belief in Sant until about a month a go - then she accused us of lying to her that Sant was real - some battles you just cant win
Then they go tell all their friends lol
All right," said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They’re not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”
MY POINT EXACTLY.
What’s this from? Thought it was Terry pratchett to begin with but not sure who Susan is if so
Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?
My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.
We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”
It’s not a toy, honey. It’s a tool of the police state.
When they directly ask you, you tell the truth, doesn’t matter the age. They probably won’t ask until well into elementary school. Here is an interesting Psychology Today article about lying to your kids about Santa. To sum it up, not really harmful. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-nature-deception/201912/should-you-lie-kids-about-santa
I still remember when I asked my mom about Santa, she replied, “It’s what you believe in your heart.”
What the hell? He either exists or he doesn’t. That was the second I stopped believing.
First, prove Santa Claus doesn’t exist and then we can talk about your opinions.
I think a key observation in my childhood, was that adults don’t generally know what’s best, or right, or even what’s true. Intentions mattered more than some arbitrary ‘correct’ behavior. I figure all children work this out at some level, faster than we’re willing to acknowledge :D
So I guess yeah, it is a bit weird, but that doesn’t make it bad. Maybe the best we can do is suggest parents hold their children’s best interests at heart, and do what’s best for their specific situation.
adults don’t generally know what’s best, or right, or even what’s true. Intentions mattered more
this is why I’m so damaged
My parents always told me the “truth” about Christmas: it’s Jesus’ birthday, and Santa Claus is a lie from the devil meant to turn you away from God.
I grappled with this question for awhile as a young parent. A thing that I noticed about kids is that they are great at make-believe, and they will get endless enjoyment from things that they made up themselves.
So I gave them presents “from Santa”, I filled stockings on Christmas Eve, etc., and we all knew we were playing the Christmas game together. I don’t think there was any lack in wonder or enjoyment.
I also made sure that they knew that some folks take it really seriously and believe Santa is real and everything, and that’s really none of your business so just play along and don’t ruin it for them.
Omg they told you that Santa was a lie from the devil? It always fascinates me when people of Christian faiths don’t know that Santa is Saint Nicholas, the early Christian bishop. I’m glad you found your way to make Christmas fun for your kids!
At what age do you tell boomer parents the truth about Christmas? That their daughter who moved away to the “bIg CiTy” so she could get an “eDuCaTiOn” and pursue a “CaReEr” and “dRiNk LaTtEs” is actually happy there, is not going to come home from Christmas, fall in love with the blue collar boy who never left town, and magically discover the rural housewife life is what she actually wanted all along?
yayyy Hallmark movies
Now that’s crazy talk… /s
By truth do you mean that Santa doesn’t exist, that the whole Christmas celebration is an adaptation of Roman pagan traditions, or that Jesus never existed?
Santa doesn’t exist? Why am I just now finding this out?
You stole the words right out of my mouth. Thanks for saving me the time to type that comment.
Just don’t play into it. My parents never did the Santa gifts thing from the beginning. All our gifts were from mom, dad, grandma/grandpa, etc.
I never got a “talk” that I can remember about Santa not being real, it just never was a thing.
No magic was lost for me or my siblings. Christmas was still our favorite holiday of the year. Still had tons of fun decorating, making cookies and gingerbread houses, making gift wishlists, going out to get a tree, putting up lights, getting up early Christmas morning to open gifts, etc.
Most magical time of my life personally as a kid during the season, nothing was lost by not believing in Santa bringing me presents.
Emphasize the important things about the season. It’s about generosity, spreading joy to others, celebrating friends and family that we don’t get to see often, etc. Don’t make it consumeristic. I wish my folks had taken me and my sibs to help at some sort of community function around the holidays. Although as we got into our teens, we would do food drives and toys for tots, etc. Which was good.
My kids have always known Santa wasn’t real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It’s like playing pretend, and doesn’t make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it’s ok that a strange old man you don’t know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn’t be trusted).
For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it’s not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.
Don’t lie to your children about someone sneaking into the house at night while everyone is asleep, it’s fucking weird.
It’s weird from an adult’s perspective but it’s magical for a kid, and seeing the excitement build and the idea of actual magic contributing to a really family centric event is like proper magic for a parent too.
I spent a long time growing up thinking that I would never do that to my kids, but I think it’s actually crueler not to do it now. You’re taking away an experience most children share and get excited by together for no real reason.
My children are 3.5 and 9months and I haven’t decided when I’d let the older one know but it’s certainly a few years away at least. I’m hoping that one day she comes and asks me herself how real it is because she’s pieced together how impossible some aspects are, but I really have no idea how naively optimistic I’m being. I guess what’s more likely is she comes home from school upset one day because another kid told her, and then I’ll have to explain it and get her on board to keep the magic alive for her little brother.
Yeah, once you have kids, you realize the magic of Xmas trumps any other potential issues one might have with it.
Kids don’t think about all the issues of “free toys, stranger danger, weirdo in my house, lapsitting on an older dude”.
For them Christmas is pure magic. I would never take this away from my Kids. My eldest knows the truth, he still loves pretending and making my youngest kids believe.
Sometimes the magic of a situation is much more important than the “educational value”. You won’t traumatize your kids by having santa come and have the best morning of their entire year…
- It’s not a stranger. Santa was a fairytale part of our family.
- He left presents with the permission and collaboration of my parents. So he wasn’t sneaking in without first consulting with them. No different to the comings and goings of my parents other friends and family. Theoretically they could have told him I was naughty, and not let him in.
- If it’s a real issue, for some weird reason, have him “post” the presents.
- kids cotton on fast, but it is a fun game, no different to waking from your nap and finding out your grandfather flew in from overseas when you were sleeping.
We used Santa (et al.) as an exercise in critical thinking. Outside of saying, “Yep, the Easter Bunny did it.” we never directly lied about it. If they asked a question about it, we answered truthfully.
Child: “Whoa, how does he visit all those homes in one night?”
Dad: “It’s impossible unless he uses magic.”
C: “Whoa magic is real??”
D: “Nope.”
They all figured it out on their own before they hit grade school.
That’s what my parents did too. Backfired on them when I left religion years later lmao
They thought it was funny/cute when I tried to argue with other kids about it, but aren’t so happy when I argue about religion with them now 😆
Wow, your parents raised you to think critically for yourself, then got upset when you thought critically for yourself? Lol
That being said, I’m glad your parents had their priorities in order
they weren’t upset that I was thinking critically, but they’re not happy I left the church. In their mind thinking critically points to the church. And I can be pretty argumentative when I disagree with someone and think they’re pretty straightforwardly wrong, hence arguing about santa as a kid and religion with them 😂
But i’m definitely glad they did too
I am sure they are still proud of you.
Yeah I think in a lot of ways they are
There is no evidence that belief in Santa is harmful to children, nor is telling them the truth. They only believe in Santa for like maybe three years, and they’ll figure it out on their own. The vast majority of kids figure it out by age ~7-8. You can tell them whatever you want, it won’t matter either way.
If you do tell them the truth, or they figure it out on their own, be sure to also tell them that even if they don’t believe, other kids do, and being a Santa-truther will not win them any prizes or make them any friends. It’s a good lesson about living in a society.
As an ex-child, I figured it out on my own at the age of 6. You see, back then, our gifts would be given to us by a Santa Claus in a suit at our kindergarten, and the gifts would be what we wrote letters for with our parents. We would tell our parents, and they would “write” and “send” the letters. Then they would buy, pack, and label the present, and then bring it in to our kindergarten sometime earlier. On one of the last days when we break up for Christmas, the Santa would come to our kindergarten and we would take photos with them and our presents. After that, we would go home with the presents and get the photos soon. Now, as you can clearly see in the picture from the previous year, the santa has a very different beard and suit, far too different to be real. Alongside that, a roll of the same wrapping paper was hidden behind my parents’ wardrobe, and last but not least, my name on the present was written in my mother’s unique and very recognisable handwriting style. Not bad for a 6-year-old, huh?
I was also 6. I received California Games on Nintendo. It has a barcode. I thought, “what the hell does Santa need a barcode for?” Mom tried to tell me the elves couldn’t make video games and I was like yeah right, you fucking bought that.
I was kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum lol. I remained steadfast in engaging with the Santa Claus mythos until a pretty late age despite my parents staight up telling me they were the ones getting me presents, and despite knowing that all evidence pointed to them telling the truth, lol.
Ugh my sister believed until she was 10. When I pointed out that the labels were in mom & dad’s handwriting, she said Santa had a special pen that mimics other people’s handwriting (why? no idea). Like come on dawg you’re in the double digits now, you’ve gotta be smarter than this.
