I have a job, but who talks to a depressed looking person?
And when I’m using my fake happy-mask, there’s not much real connection going to be be built.
Worse with forcing myself to be in a place where I don’t even have a purpose that I can focus on to distract myself from my despair (and shame).
To piggy back on what that guy is saying… better put… He’s talking about becoming a regular. I’ve done it at more than a few places throughout the years.
I haven’t lived in one place for more than 3 years out of the last 25 of my life. Making friends is hard. But one thing I did to help me get out of my funks is to go do something I enjoy. For me it was to find a restaurant I like and go sit at the bar. Don’t need to be there to drink, fyi. Just go get some food and be present. Being on your phone is ok, but you’ll be more approachable if you’re looking up at a TV or something like that, so make it a point to put the phone down every now and again. Often times I found that even if I was on my phone, someone sitting next to me might make a comment about whatever is going on with a game or fight or something that was playing and it would spark a conversation. Doesn’t have to be a long one. Remember, we’re taking baby steps here. And hell … You can fake your way through some of those conversations too. About a fight? “Yea man this is a really tough matchup, who do you think takes the win?” It does help to know at least a little about what’s going on, but it’s not required. Even a simple “I haven’t been following along, what happened?” Can keep it going.
Anyways, after showing up more than a few times the servers and bartenders notice and will start talking to you. Asking your name and all that stuff. Conversations from there will go where they go. The great thing is that they are working. There’s no pressure to hold an in depth long conversation since they have things to do. It’ll start as small talk and eventually get deeper.
Again, this is in baby steps. This won’t happen over the course of 2-3 visits. It’ll be more than that. But stay for the meal, get one more drink, then leave. Same will be said about a coffee shop.
The key to this working is persistence and patience. And that goes for beating depression as a whole. It’s not going to happen over night. It takes work, and it takes time, but eventually you’ll get there… Just like you’ll eventually become a regular at that coffee shop, restaurant, bar, arcade, pool hall, or whatever place you decide to go.
One foot in front of the other, keep it moving one step at a time, even if those steps are the length of a dime.
As a final note… Try not to talk down about yourself. It creates a feedback loop that can be hard to break and is self-fulfilling. Positive Mental Attitude… PMA. You’re worth the effort.
So part of the coffee shop advice is true. Even if you feel it’s superficial to start. There’s actually a lot to be said for “fake it until you make it” type socialization. Showing up regularly at the same place, be kind to the staff, learn their names, and little by little you’ll find you start recognizing other regulars and the you. It’s okay for connections to start out not super real or deep, it still works those social muscles out. After that it’s just time investment.
No, because, obviously I made it, everyone’s believing the story that I built by faking, except myself. I never allowed my true self to be seen
Edit: I’m arguing here, because I need to understand that I made it, I need to speak it, voice it and dare to let my true self be seen since I obviously made it. Get it? If I never hear that I made it, I’ll doubt forever that I made it
It’s normal to feel like you somehow don’t “deserve” your life. Please know that many people around you have the same struggle, and to some extent it’s true.
Who among us deserve even to be alive and aware and conscious? To live? We don’t. Nobody deserves anything. But we have it anyway - you have this life, it’s yours, without deserving or earning it it’s yours. That is wonderful and a gift.
What you consider your true self may also be an illusion, because you are not kind to yourself and do not see yourself objectively.
You may be faking it till you make it but at some point you must admit you have, in truth, made it.
I have a job, but who talks to a depressed looking person? And when I’m using my fake happy-mask, there’s not much real connection going to be be built.
Worse with forcing myself to be in a place where I don’t even have a purpose that I can focus on to distract myself from my despair (and shame).
Thankyou for the response.
To piggy back on what that guy is saying… better put… He’s talking about becoming a regular. I’ve done it at more than a few places throughout the years.
I haven’t lived in one place for more than 3 years out of the last 25 of my life. Making friends is hard. But one thing I did to help me get out of my funks is to go do something I enjoy. For me it was to find a restaurant I like and go sit at the bar. Don’t need to be there to drink, fyi. Just go get some food and be present. Being on your phone is ok, but you’ll be more approachable if you’re looking up at a TV or something like that, so make it a point to put the phone down every now and again. Often times I found that even if I was on my phone, someone sitting next to me might make a comment about whatever is going on with a game or fight or something that was playing and it would spark a conversation. Doesn’t have to be a long one. Remember, we’re taking baby steps here. And hell … You can fake your way through some of those conversations too. About a fight? “Yea man this is a really tough matchup, who do you think takes the win?” It does help to know at least a little about what’s going on, but it’s not required. Even a simple “I haven’t been following along, what happened?” Can keep it going.
Anyways, after showing up more than a few times the servers and bartenders notice and will start talking to you. Asking your name and all that stuff. Conversations from there will go where they go. The great thing is that they are working. There’s no pressure to hold an in depth long conversation since they have things to do. It’ll start as small talk and eventually get deeper.
Again, this is in baby steps. This won’t happen over the course of 2-3 visits. It’ll be more than that. But stay for the meal, get one more drink, then leave. Same will be said about a coffee shop.
The key to this working is persistence and patience. And that goes for beating depression as a whole. It’s not going to happen over night. It takes work, and it takes time, but eventually you’ll get there… Just like you’ll eventually become a regular at that coffee shop, restaurant, bar, arcade, pool hall, or whatever place you decide to go.
One foot in front of the other, keep it moving one step at a time, even if those steps are the length of a dime.
As a final note… Try not to talk down about yourself. It creates a feedback loop that can be hard to break and is self-fulfilling. Positive Mental Attitude… PMA. You’re worth the effort.
So part of the coffee shop advice is true. Even if you feel it’s superficial to start. There’s actually a lot to be said for “fake it until you make it” type socialization. Showing up regularly at the same place, be kind to the staff, learn their names, and little by little you’ll find you start recognizing other regulars and the you. It’s okay for connections to start out not super real or deep, it still works those social muscles out. After that it’s just time investment.
No, because, obviously I made it, everyone’s believing the story that I built by faking, except myself. I never allowed my true self to be seen
Edit: I’m arguing here, because I need to understand that I made it, I need to speak it, voice it and dare to let my true self be seen since I obviously made it. Get it? If I never hear that I made it, I’ll doubt forever that I made it
It’s normal to feel like you somehow don’t “deserve” your life. Please know that many people around you have the same struggle, and to some extent it’s true. Who among us deserve even to be alive and aware and conscious? To live? We don’t. Nobody deserves anything. But we have it anyway - you have this life, it’s yours, without deserving or earning it it’s yours. That is wonderful and a gift.
What you consider your true self may also be an illusion, because you are not kind to yourself and do not see yourself objectively.
You may be faking it till you make it but at some point you must admit you have, in truth, made it.
The point is this isn’t a quick thing. Go long enough in an environment as a regular and you’ll feel safer and more able to open up.
But if you’re going to argue with the advice provided then why ask?
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