I get a call from a relative about their firestick being stuck at the Amazon logo so I start looking into it. This person is relatively decent when it comes to not bricking their devices (they won’t just shut the power off during an update for example) so I start operating off of the expectation that this is probably a reasonable problem.
The usual unplug it, wait a bit, plug it back in fails. Try using a different power brick to power the devices fails. Try using the USB power on the back of the TV instead of a powerbrick fails. Stuck on boot logo still- ok, time to start considering researching software-related solutions on my end. I initially go to “let’s just factory reset this thing” because it seems like a reasonable step at this point and should solve the problems (or definitively tell me that the unit is broken).
In attempting to fulfill the quest of factory resetting I find out:
- Firesticks have no physical reset button the devices. The only possible input is a microusb power port (more on this in a bit)
- Because of this design choice, the factory reset process is dependent upon a button combination on the remote from within a functional device
- When stuck in the boot sequence, the remote isn’t paired so the ability to send that button combination isn’t possible
I had no idea prior to today how absurdly irritating the combination of poor hardware design choice (no physical reset button) and downstream terrible software design (needing the signal for reset requiring a failing device to not be failing) could ever be seen as a reasonable product spec.
I’m already irritated by this combination, but fuck it, let’s continue on and see if, like with the Kindle products, there’s some tomfuckery where if you know certain arcane sequences of settings, menus, and inputs you can get into a vendor mode/debug/etc type mode to operate further.
Turns out, the firestick can be sent a signal using alt +prntscrn + i from a keyboard during boot. Awesome, now if only the physical hardware had a place for a USB plug for this! I know the device has to be powered, so some adapter daisy-chain is going to have to be used in order to provide that as well as enable me to plug in a usb device.
This wonderful abomination is used by pirates (one of hellworld’s few remaining heroes) to load USB media off of flash drives to play through apps on the device. They’re ~7 imperial war bucks and useless beyond this narrow case, but hey at least it helps me help this working-class person who is probably gonna use it to watch someone on MSNBC say “The walls are finally closing in on Trump and maybe we shouldn’t be so pessimistic about the capitalist hellscape that is destroying the planet in new and exciting ways via climate change but also no one should do anything because that would be violence which is bad.”
Don’t go down that line of thought right now- stay focused on the goal.
Device arrives, plugged into the microusb slot, keyboard plugged into the adapter that provides the functionality amazon probably intentionally didn’t include to either make the average “sane” person say:
“This device is irreparably broken; I should buy a new one.” or “This probably isn’t worth going through the trouble of fixing; I should buy a new one.”
Since I’ve already been driven to a spite-capitalism-in-all-ways-filled existence by living in this world, I fortunately don’t have the capability to allow planned obsolescence device get the best of me and hold down alt, prntscrn, and spam i during the sequence… nothing.
Second attempt, alt + prntscrn + i, startup boot sequence is interrupted and I make it into profile selection. The device works again.
It infuriates me that this device exists in a way where this is the route that has to be taken to even get a chance to factory reset it. The idea that locking this standard (and often necessary procedure to prevent e-waste) device option behind remote control functionality that is beyond the point of failure (and fairly common per searches) was what someone decided to be a reasonable and shippable choice when that route is used as a last resort to fix broken functionality is beyond comprehension. It’s a decision that can only be reasonably made in hellworld where disposable commodities are a society’s pinnacle of innovation.
What irritates me the most is knowing that some shithead team of McKinsey ghouls were probably paid an absurd amount of money to create a slideshow with a chart (exclusively featured in the executive summary) with a little star at the forecasted profit-maximizing point showing that removing repair functionality will increase electronic waste, and profits, to maximally-desired levels.
Because who gives a fuck if we destroy the world, profit has a direct positive correlation with Misery Index, this strategy was/is economically sound and we’re all the worse for it.
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Death to Amazon
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Death to the Fire Stick product line
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Death to McKinsey first and foremost and all the other management consulting firms after it
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Death to America
I’m really glad you got that fire stick going again, despite all the trouble. I appreciate the effort you put in to writing all this, no bullshit. Death to America
Since I’m not brave enough to tell my theoretically-financially-and-physically-available-therapist that “We should use the various railgun projects to test the penetrative capacity of metal slugs on capitalists and its affects on mine and the planet’s physical and emotional well-being” I have to, broadly, stick to hexbear to get these thoughts out of my mind.
Thank you for reading and I hope there was at least some level of enjoyment to be found in the writing’s delivery if not its content.
I hope there was at least some level of enjoyment to be found in the writing’s delivery if not its content.
There was immense enjoyment found in both, thank you 🥂
Have you considered becoming a poet? Because this spoke to me.
I had a fire stick once. It lasted less than a year before bricking. Couldn’t get anywhere with returning it. And I didn’t have your wizarding skills. So it was never used again and I vowed never to buy anything with the ‘kindle fire’ label on it ever again.
It’s not much of a protest tbh, because the biggest Amazon shareholders include BlackRock and Vanguard, who own everything else as well. So if you go somewhere else to spite Amazon, it’s only really Bezos who loses (assuming he doesn’t have significant shares in BR and Vg) because BlackRock and Vanguard own the competitors, too, including Apple and Microsoft.
I could be wrong but I believe Lenin’s editor removed a line from the end of his Imperialism for being too unrealistic: ‘One day the bastards will ironically use the name for the party designed to bring them down as their own and it will be dramatically ironic poetic justice because we already know that pikmin and co will rise up’.
In the better world that I hope is one day built I’d love to spend more time on my writing, but until that work is furthered it has unfortunately been one of the things I’ve had to enjoy in small, sporadic sessions. As a potentially healthy outlet maybe I’ll try to focus some of those sessions around joy rather than rage, but I find working through the thoughts frequently helps at least calm myself down and hopefully provide some sense of solidarity to others.
That said I’m really glad this connected with you on some level.
I feel that, comrade. I find keeping a journal helpful. You could alternate day by day. One day rage. One day joy. Could be fun and each entry doesn’t have to be long. Maybe the kind of thing that would’ve got someone a book contract if they did it for a year as a blog when blogs were new.
Hey at least you can probably ship the USB device off in an envelope to another pirate for the cost of base postage afterwards
My phone battery started dying. Probably not coincidentally, my phone company started sending me texts saying, “Hey, we’ve got a great deal on a new phone! Why not just chuck the old one in the garbage?”
Had to take it to the Google Store, which has no phone number you can call, in the hopes that they can do the replacement
Death to America
I feel ya. I didn’t have a go that far, but I’ve got an old stick that unpaired from the remote and was amazed at the hoops I had to jump through. Good to know about USB adapter tho. Thanks!
I am sorry I provided you knowledge of the physical means to potentially degrade your mental well-being later. If you choose to block me I understand, but please make a backup copy of my emulation post for yourself before taking that probably-necessary measure.
I have a hacked Fire Stick with LineageOS which I enjoy. I wish I had useful suggestions for you, but I’m pretty sure there’s no way to get it to boot something else without at least getting it into fastboot or recovery, and you don’t have a way to do that.
EDIT: this script migh work if it’s a gen 3 or Lite. Probably not, but you’re no worse off. It’s certainly doing something before the boots, though, so maybe you can get some insight from there?
I genuinely appreciate the effort, but this unfortunately would not have been helpful per this device’s specific matrix of issues.
That said I hope Marx visits you in your dreams tonight riding a hexagonal bear and they both give you a big hug.
Can you tell me more about this? I’ve been meaning to get a fire stick or something along those lines to hack. Are there any apps you recommend on that OS for streaming?
Also obligatory
The hack I used to unlock the bootloader on my Gen 3 stick has since been patched, so I don’t know what to recommend. There might still be working jailbreaks for the fire stick 4k? I’d recommend reading around this forum for a bit: https://forum.xda-developers.com/f/fire-tv-original-android-development.3083/
That adapter made me shudder.
we need some good pirate emotes
they couldn’t put a little hole that you can stick a paperclip into? come on
I’m mad at OnePlus for making the back of my phone glass. They know that this shit will take an absolute beating throughout its lifespan, yet it’s still glass and obviously the battery is not replaceable as well.
The back on my Motorola cracked a month after I bought my phone, so no hope of ever opening this glued-together piece of shit. The camera’s focus is now broken and the volume buttons get stuck sometimes (the buttons would be trivial to fix if I got the phone open, not sure about the focus but I imagine there’s a replacement part available from some online store in China), but I refuse to buy a new one as long as the battery still works.
The best part is that the glass back is so slippery you have to use a case just to hold the phone comfortably, so you don’t even see the back of the phone. Make it make sense.
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Point me toward these people and I will drop knowledge about how to install custom firmware and how/where to pirate books.
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Critical support comrade, I have a similar zeal about Adobe.
Every five years I have to buy a new
and plug in two more cables to keep my DVD player, my last VHS player, and the last of my CRT TV’s talking to each other.what’s the inside look like? maybe there’s pads you can jump?
