I feel so fucking lost. It’s like I am just waiting for the end. I got no one and nothing to live for. I am going out and trying different things. But, nothing is sticking. At the end of the day, I feel like just another lonely ass with nothing to live for.
I feel like I am missing something fundamental for having a will to live.
This video helped me when I was in my slump: https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc?si=7mK44vDtbz8JYNpG
When I say slump, I mean six months of in patient therapy and group. It’s not easy, what group was nice was just having a bunch of people that felt how I did. In a way that I didn’t have to describe it to others. I felt like an alien trying to describe what’s going on and I could tell how helpless my friends were.
I had meds and therapy get me through my trials. I also know that those things are expensive and I was fortunate enough to have insurance.
Yes. That is how you feel. And what you feel is important.
It’s also not true.
I’ve been there. Many of us have.
Maybe you wait more. It’s okay to wait. You’re brave for waiting. Take your time.
You never know what it will be that’ll break the dark clouds. It might be therapy, medication, groups. It might also be that you get a diagnosis for a different thing that’ll explain your mood. Or it’ll be a breakthrough in yourself. You’ll find the right book, movie, song, that’ll speak to you and cut you right open until you can heal.
It’s so frustrating to be where you are.
The hard truth is: you’re going be there until you change it. But it’s okay to take your time. Change is scary and often, we’d rather suffer a familiar pain than to face an uncertain future, even if it promises improvement.
Good on you for posting this. Reach out.
That is precisely where I am lost. What do I change, really?
Well here’s a really fucked up question. It was posed to me when I was in the clinic many years ago: “do you want to feel better?”
I was furious about that, because of course I did, right? But the more I think about it, the more I think that it was warranted. I think maybe I didn’t want to feel better. I was “comfortable” in my suffering. I had made it a central part of who I am. So if I’d changed and be “happy”, who am I? If “feeling like shit” is what you define yourself with, you won’t want to change.
But first things first: I highly encourage you to seek out professional help to stabilise you. You need supervision.
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Feel free to not answer. But have you seen a psychiatrist?
My depression came in long waves until i got on medication. Nothing made a difference for me until I got my meds. Now things are better, im still depressed alot but. Its not as deep or long.
Thank you for asking. I am seeing a psychiatrist.
However, sometimes, the life just seems to suck. The feeling is usually exacerbated because I am currently unemployed and I feel useless.
Things are so tough when you are unemployed. Im sorry you’re going thru this. I was there not too long ago myself and it is so painful.
If you want advice, i can tell you from experience that things can get better.
If you are searching for help I can try to find resources, but we should move over to matrix for that. https://element.io/
Let me know friend.
