Even despite the age gap, this was the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It was based on mutual respect, trust, communication, and an understanding of each other’s time and goals. I really like her as a person – she’s wonderful. But I also think we’re just not the right fit for each other romantically or sexually, and I’ve slowly begun to realize this over the last few weeks.

A couple of nights ago, I broached the subject and mentioned our sex drives were not super aligned. Mine is much higher than hers, and we both acknowledged neither one of us expected the other to change nor did we pretend it was even possible. She took it very hard, though, and spent about 2 hours crying on my couch while we talked.

We didn’t officially break up, and I know she wants to continue trying. I think she believes I am the one for her, and while she is a wonderful person, she just isn’t the right one for me specifically. How should I go about doing this? I had been hoping the conversation would have led us to that conclusion, but I couldn’t find the guts to end it then, especially because we went from joking around and laughing together that exact night like nothing was wrong to her crying in my arms on the couch.

I feel like I’m setting her up for heartbreak, but I know it’s not fair to either of us to continue in something that I am not long-term invested in.

  • BananaTrifleViolin@kbin.social
    101·
    11 months ago

    You just have to be honest and tell her it’s over. It will be difficult no matter what you do so just get it done as soon as possible. Your reasons are reasonable but it will still hurt. There is no easy out - ask to talk, take her to a neutral venue and tell her how you feel.

    Short term pain and a simple clean breakup is far better for both of you than delaying and allowing things to deteriorate gradually. Just remember when you break up you’re not going to be the one to comfort her - that can feel bad when you feel like you’re inflicting pain on someone you had feelings for but it’ll be less confusing for her after the event. Break up and leave.