Brand, thing, behavior, method, advice, mantra, etc.
I swear by Blackwing pencils.
Also, the ‘two minute rule’, which has really improved my life: “if it takes two minutes or less to do, just do it now; if it takes longer, schedule it.” I’ve got untreated attention issues and it’s very easy for me to notice something needing done, and overlook or procrastinate it because it seems inconvenient in the moment. Having a totally painless rule that forces me to acknowledge that thing I should pick up, that trash bag I should change, etc, or, to at least put on my calendar anything I mustn’t forget in the long run has been great for me.
Respect is given
Disrespect is earned
I need people to adopt this mindset NOW. Everybody has inherent respect that I give them on the basis of simply existing, but one major fuck up, and I throw it all away.
It took me too long to adopt this mindset with my own family.
“Respect is earned” - dickhead who expects to be respected by everyone else by default
I think that most of the people that say “respect is earned” just think of what respect means. Respect can either mean treating someone as your equal or treating someone as your superior.
I kind of think of it as politeness and humanity are given first, and then respect (or disrespect) is then earned.
Similar idea, but like you said it depends how you define respect.
I think being polite is one way to show respect to other people, but there are many others.
I agreed, it could be considered that. You can also be polite to people that you don’t respect. It’s semantics or personal context at some point.
I got a lifetime ban from Reddit for an answer like that
“Fuckin’ earn my respect then, jackass”
“You are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago” - Alan Watts
This one is a bit hard-won for me. You see I used to be an asshole. It was my brand. I thought “it’s just in my nature”.
Fortunately, I was also a student of religion (mostly because I was a militant atheist. Know your enemy and all that). Studying Buddhism, I began to observe the nature of self. I found enough distance from it to see its transient nature.
I realized being an asshole was a choice and I could just as easily choose otherwise. Soon I began to discover this was true of most character traits.
I’m not saying you don’t have consistent patterns of behavior. I’ll hopefully always be curious and analytical. But for the most part, the way you conduct yourself and where you focus your attention is a choice.
So, if you’re not happy with who you are maybe don’t be so attached to the idea of 'who you are". And if that seems hard, observe what you pay your attention to and try to find the distance between observation and behavior. In that gap lies the choice you make, consciously or not, to be “you”.
Is your name Earl?
A Carson Daly fan, if you will.
No offense, brother, but this is a great example of my swear-by.
Don’t write a “wall of text.” Even if a reader is interested, it’s hard to read the whole thing.
Separate your wall into smaller sections, use bullet points (esp at work) if it helps.
Use small sentences. Forget what they told you about keeping similar ideas in one paragraph. You’re not Salinger, and no one is expecting you to be.
This is a digital age, and our job as not-salinger is to convey information.
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No offense taken
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These are salient points
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I edited my post
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I hope it’s easier to digest now
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Thank you for the constructive criticism
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Obligatory “get a bidet” answer
The philosophy of Bill S Preston, Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan:
“Be excellent to each other”
It’s really not that difficult to do the right thing, be an upstanding citizen, and contribute to a decent society.
Party on, dude
party on @dirigibleprotein and @Aurenkin!
Try leave everyone and everything better than you find it.
If you wouldn’t take advice from someone, then don’t accept their criticism.
A few years ago I read a post about self improvement where someone wrote about the concept of no-zero-days to form habits. It basically means you just need to do something meaningful every day to make it count, even if it’s something very small. Read one page in a book - no zero day, do 10k steps - no zero day…
Of all the things I read and tried in the past to change my behavior, get more active, learn new things etc, this by far worked the best for me and basically changed my life.
Right now I have 18 different habits I’m tracking on my phone. Things like reading, learning Spanish, doing chores, solving a puzzle on lichess, taking a cold shower, learning something about world affairs/history, taking care of my finances, meditating etc…
I don’t need to do all of them, one is enough. But because they require so little effort I quickly started to do more and developed habits I don’t need to force myself to do.
Now I have a 1500+ day streak on Duolingo and do 2-5 minutes of Spanish lessons every day. For more than 4 freaking years. This eventually ended up in visiting a language school in Spain last summer. One of my best vacations ever.
I read almost daily and found interest in new genres. I get enough exercise at least a few times a week. I educated myself about finances and now I don’t live paycheck to paycheck, paid off my debt and started to save something.
I later read about this concept in the book Atomic Habits and found variations of it in songs like Little Acorns by the White Stripes. In the end it’s about breaking things up into small, easy pieces so you don’t get overwhelmed or give up before you even start.
If anyone asks me what I swear by it’s this. It’s like magic.
No zero days + removing possessions that don’t bring you joy
Good point. I guess I have a lot of stuff I can get rid of, donate, sell. I’ll focus on that in the future
Little Acorns! That was my first exposure to this concept. Could you tell me a little more about your experience starting out, and what sort of systems you use to help? Or point me in the direction of a post for further reading (would you recommend Atomic Habits?)? I’m overdue for a big change in my life and I’ve been thinking about how to approach things as someone terrible at following through, so this has me interested. I’m not quite sure where to start though.
I think the reason why it worked so well for me from the beginning is because I really focused on the no-zero aspect. Make that your goal. You say you are ready for a big change. Break that up into the tiniest pieces. Be like the squirrel. If you haven’t already, make today a no-zero. If reading is something you want your future self doing regularly, grab a book and read one page. Done. If you want to be more educated look something up on wikipedia that you heard on the news but have no concept of (today for me that was austerity). Done. I guess that’s the secret. 0.01 is not zero. It’s not the big change you have in mind but it’s easy and doable. And over time these things become part of your identity. In a few weeks you are someone who reads regularly. Or someone who eats healthy stuff regularly. It’s not something you dream about it’s already who you are, no matter how much it is. Start with a few tiny things so you have different options to make it a no-zero and make sure to check at least one of them every day. Extend that pool of habits over time if you find new areas you want to improve on.
It was also very helpful for me (at least for some habits) to not focus on certain actions but be a little more open. The 18 things I’m tracking in the app right now are represented by emojis. The house emoji means I do something in the household. Making my bed, doing the laundry, whatever. The credit card emoji means it’s about my finances. Putting some money to the side, investing in an ETF, reading something about budgeting… it gives me more options to check off that item and extends my habits over time.
And I think it’s important to be kind to yourself. I have a few things I aim for but don’t check off a lot. Like writing a journal. I don’t feel bad about it. I can come back to it later when other things have become more automatic. I still improve in other areas and that’s fine.
What I quickly stopped doing is tracking the ‘negative habits’ I see regularly in these apps. Like not watching netflix, not smoking, not eating junk food. In my opinion it’s way better to focus on the positives and more importantly it’s much easier. If I take a cold shower in the morning or do my Spanish lesson then that’s done. I’m already at no-zero and can focus on other things which is very rewarding.
Yes, I can recommend the book. It goes more into detail about how habits are formed and about tactics how you can make it easier to develop them.
But don’t wait for the book. Do the 0.01 today. One acorn at a time. Be like the squirrel.
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to go into detail for me.
It’s not something you dream about it’s already who you are, no matter how much it is.
I like this a lot. I’ll be getting that book - but today’s my first official no-zero day. Thanks again, wish me luck in gathering these acorns.
You can boost it a bit by tracking a few things that made you happy that day.
Invest in anything that comes between you and the ground; shoes, mattress, and tires.
and lover!
Nice
When it comes to food: Try everything once. You never know if you like it if you never try it.
I’m not talking get a whole plate of the food, but just try a small bite.
I had an ex who wouldn’t try anything, it was infuriating. I asked him once whether he liked a vegetable, he said no, I asked how it had been cooked when he had it as maybe he’d like it if it was done a different way, and he said he’d never tried it. The only vegetable he’d eat was broccoli. He got upset when I said he had the eating habits of a toddler but I stand by that.
Well, you were right!
At least his one veg is a cruciferous veg as opposed to something like a potato which some think counts as one.
Oh we did have that argument. Also cereal. I’m amazed I lasted a year with him.
Cereal as a vegetable?
Yup!
God he really was a knobhead.
Great advice, pre judging something is only hurting you. I don’t get people who refuse to try, what really are you gaining? What is a few seconds to try something new vs a lifetime of missing out on your new favorite food? If you don’t like it then drink a bit to wash the flavor out and move on!
My mother is especially bad at this. If it’s not in a Midwest form she won’t eat it. We went to an amazing dim sum place with her, we ordered dumplings, buns, vegetables, cuts of meat, everything. She ordered specifically chicken and noodle soup and only ate that, refusing to try anything else. I really pity her for not being able to even try anything.
Missing the real amazingness that is dim sum!
I would add to this: if there’s a food you don’t like after trying it, still try it again if you end up somewhere famous for it.
Don’t skimp on anything that separates you from the ground: shoes, tires, mattress, etc. Your body will thank you later
That’s a great heuristic! I had to learn all of those individually and in part painfully.
I read a story on Reddit one time that some of you probably remember.
“Today you. Tomorrow me.”
I think about that often and try to be a generally helpful and kind person to anyone in need. I guess that’s a mantra that I swear by.
Don’t buy cheap daily use items.
Shoes Mattress Car TV Computer
That doesn’t mean buy the most expensive thing. if you rely on this thing to get you through the day, get yourself something of quality. Do your research. Often times, buying the more expensive thing now, can be cheaper in the long run.
Secondly: Use mental health professionals. Go to a therapist, psychologist, or anyone else trained to help people mentally. For years I advocated for my employees to seek help. I built work schedules around their appointments. I could tell that it help or productivity as a team. I did this for years. Finally, this year, I went to see a therapist myself. I’ve been having depression problems for a while but I never took my own advice. Now, just 4 months later I’m doing way better. Not perfect, but I can tell I’ve made very good progress.
I disagree about the TV. Unless you are flush with cash a $300 LCD TV is perfectly good in 2023, you won’t lose any life satisfaction from not having the new $3000 OLED TV.
Most of the time there’s a cap after which there are diminishing returns. A $700 phone will probably last you a good 3-4 years, compared to a shitty year or two with a $300 one. However, a $1500 phone isn’t gonna be that much better and won’t last that much longer to be worth it.
Counterpoint: Folding a $700 phone in half breaks it, while doing that to a $1800 Galaxy Z Fold 4 is expected use 😄
I disagree with your disagreement. There is an EXTREMELY noticeable difference between a quality OLED and a $300 LED, and it brings me much joy.
If you can live with an LCD TV then more power to you. Personally, they bother me to no end. Considering how much I use my TV I don’t want to deal with hours of annoyance over the terrible picture quality every day.
I sold computers for a major big box retailer for a while, and always tried to sell honestly. So many many stupid people.
“I know you are eyeing that 250 dollar Toshiba, but I really recommend this one for 50 dollars more that has a much better processor and ram”
“Stop trying to upsell us, we’re taking this one”
Bud I wasn’t trying to upsell you. I’m saying the Toshiba is hot garbage and you’ll be back in a week complaining its slow. I know you don’t want to spend too much, which is why I memorized each computer we have, and I’m telling you take this i5 over that Celeron.
To be fair, for so long those positions were commissioned cut throat positions that consumers just instinctively assume they are being scammed when a sales person approaches them.
I am surprised they didn’t also reply, I suppose you want me to buy that additional 2 year warranty too? (Which would have been funny if you retorted “you will need one for that Toshiba!”)
Yup, exactly right, which is why I tried to be very honest with people. I wasn’t commissioned, I really just wanted them to get the best product for their use, but most took that as me trying to scam them.
And funny about the warranty lol, because yup we had to hock that too, but I chose which people I pitched what to. “Aw no you aint giving me no accident protecting warranty”. “Lady you just told me how your demonspawn kid ruined your last laptop, maybe it’s not such a bad idea to get one of these warranties”.
but dude comes in who obviously knows computers? Nah I don’t need to pitch a warranty to him
the ole “buy it right, or buy it to the end of time” mantra rings true for so many things
Buy once, cry once.
No-one ever lay on their death bed wishing they’d done more ironing.
On the whole (unless it’s necessary for a professional environment) it’s a waste of time. I iron nothing, and got rid of my ironing board because it was just getting in the way. I’ve kept my iron just in case, but last time it was used was about 5 years ago when a friend was staying who needed to iron a shirt for a funeral.
I’ve found that a hand-held steamer (use distilled water) gets me by for those few cases where the wrinkles just have to be addressed.
Why distilled?
Distilled water has no dissolved solids, so when its turned into steam it leaves nothing behind. If you use regular tap water you’ll be eventually left with crusty calcium buildup on the nozzle of the device.
Fair question.
Some devices, like hand steamers or Kurigs have thin internal tubing for all this super hot water that goes through them. That makes them prone to clogging from mineral deposits, and they’re basically impossible to clean manually. Vinegar can help with buildup, but then you have to deal with the vinegar smell.
So just use distilled water instead, as if it were a CPAP.
Non-distilled water will eventually corrode the steamer.
I just hang stuff up in the bathroom and spray with my plant mister, usually does the job.
I’d rather wear creases than iron apart from shirts. That crease releaser is rather decent while being in the shower too. Smells good as well.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
I’ve found that by just focusing on what I have/can do and being content, I am generally very happy.
I agree completely. The original quote is, “Comparison is the thief of joy." ~ Theodore Roosevelt
Never piss off the people who make your food, cut your hair, or work on your teeth.
Adding to this, consider a second opinion on any dental work. One quoted me for a big job, but because of circumstances, I ended up going to a different dentist and they didn’t see anything wrong with my mouth. Been a number of years since and there’s been no problems without any work being done.
