We’re supposed to be policy 1st. And yet I don’t understand the obsession with being a honorable samurai that plays by tradition. Why can’t a sheep put on the wolf’s mane when they’re greatly outnumbered and bide their time?
It’s not like the liberals would notice. They only know ideas. They’re still propagandizing shit like recycling, even though the trash bin is all thrown in the same truck and the bins with 3/4 holes aren’t even separated, same as it was 20 years ago. They should be really easy to manipulate, especially when truth is on your side, but like at least make them paranoid and unable to sleep at night.
I think I made the post after prolonged frustration with failures of socialist movements within Europe, more specifically. It’s difficult to figure out where to go from here. I’m also neurodivergent and due to things like family history, location, a bunch of other stuff. I’m left with trying to figure out how am I supposed to deal with like 10+ simultaneously happening contradictions, mostly by myself because of how fractured the movements have become if I focus on 1 issue I tend to get ostracized by others and if I focus on all of them, how do I do that without becoming an idealist?
And even if I end up alone that doesn’t seem like a justification to turn my back on people. You don’t need to be loved to be capable of being a force for good imo. If I can save the life one one child that’s enough, if I can do more then all the better. I don’t care if people piss on my grave afterwards. This is not directed at the reader btw I know 99% of people care not at all for me +/-
just some added context to what I was trying to communicate.
IMO you are caught up in savior narratives and rationalizations. It is OK to take care of yourself. It is OK to not sacrifice everything to gain basically nothing. There is no God to prove yourself to, no Christ to advocate for you, no spot in Heaven to reward you.
As for others, I can say I am overwhelmed and unsatisfied with everything. I cling to what is most important to me. I have already lost a lot in recent months, and I am resolved to not lose anything else. The cacophony of contradictions is overwhelming, and if others cannot quiet themselves enough to hear it all, then they are compromised, but most of all I just need people to oppose and face imperialism in whatever domain they are in. For some reason this seems to be the one thing people won’t face, and instead they exploit subordinate contradictions so they don’t have to prioritize imperialism.
Is this not a justification to harm yourself for nothing? I think the ruling class currently believes this and they do whatever they want with no connection to anyone but their own power. Good is fundamentally subjective, but the love from others is a necessary grounding force that gives it meaning. Love builds the consent needed to imagine collective futures and the accountability needed to set them in motion.
I’m not saying this to tell you to get connected to the real world, or to touch grass and make more likeminded friends, or to stop feeling the way you do. I’m saying this to say you need to take care of yourself and love yourself in dark times. I do care about you and people like you. Your mind and your will and your desires. Your hatred and malice for evil. I also have a lot of love for other autistic people that just can’t fucking take this shit anymore. A person like you is far more valuable to me than whatever reward you would trade yourself for in the face of loneliness and darkness. You are a pearl and you must not cast yourself before swine just for a fleeting sense of belonging in a world we do not belong in. Not everyone is on our side and it isn’t our fault. If graves are to be defaced, let it be all of ours.
I think you speak a lot of truths in there. If it wasn’t for principled socialists, who remained true to the cause, despite the darkest of times, we would not have the likes of Michael Parenti. He has great courage and a very strong will.
At the same time I don’t want to fall into great men theory. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do, to be honest. I don’t think I have the smarts to figure it out, but I’m trying to learn. That’s why I’m asking the questions, instead of just acting on instinct.
In the other reply you said:
It’s precisely because I don’t believe I can convert them that I am completely lost in what to do. Being principled has left me powerless, if I wanted better job opportunities I would have to have had to concede and give up on my beliefs, at least temporary. Now I’ve just become another strain on our already incredibly thinly stretched resources, in a world where every group already has life rafts full, what are they supposed to do, toss our their own to save me? That’s asking for the unthinkable.
I don’t think I could have become another Parenti or anything even remotely close to that. I don’t know who I’m signaling to help when I go to a protest when I know liberals won’t care anyways, if I had become a demon I could have at least used the resources to save people whose lives ended prematurely because we didn’t have the money. I keep losing people and there’s nothing I can do to save them.
Could any one of us have truly remained loyal to the cause without even a single person who had to engage in Liberalism for the sake of funding us? Just because we have someone else do it for us doesn’t make us any better. And it’s not like I blame comrades for giving me hope built on lies, it must be excruciatingly painful to be honest with me so I’m never gonna blame anyone for it, at least try to not to. I can sometimes have emotional outbursts and it’s difficult to control sometimes, despite all my efforts I’ve put towards improving.
You know the tv show about the autistic doctor? idk if it’s good I haven’t watched it, no time, but I have seen some responses and regardless of how well it portrays autism the reaction from the audience seems pretty spot on. At first people are accepting, some might even cheer on you, but as time goes on people get fed up, unless you can manage to put on a mask well, it’s a common experience for disabled people. One of the first things kids in wheelchairs tend to complain about isn’t the inability to walk, it’s the fact that nobody wants to be their friends, because they struggle with mobility.
I can offer people friendship, but I can’t do anything to help build something that’d let them walk again. All I can do is lie to them that it’s gonna be fine when I know it won’t be fine. And the only person I can make act is myself, because if I had enough of a willpower I could have at least sold my body to get money for studying being a scientist and try to build legs for some people, but I’m weak and haven’t accomplished anything. I make art that doesn’t get any followers and is incapable of inspiring any change. I’m not good at communicating, people often struggle to read my posts there’s no way anyone would be able to read my books. And it’s not like it’s because I gave up. I keep trying and trying every day. I haven’t skipped an art lesson in 2 years now. I read at least a few pages every day. I listen to how others talk and try to study them. I’ve sought help from therapists and other professional guidance, whenever I’m able. And what makes me sad is that I’m surely not alone like this.
Don’t get me wrong it would still be wrong what’s happening, even if people weren’t running for their lives in hopes of success, but the fact that many people try their absolute darndest and end up failing, forgotten, that’s what makes me depressed about Capitalism. It’s not that it makes people overwork themselves, yes it does and it’s bad, but even when it does so it forces people to run hard like horses for absolutely nothing and only the strongest get to survive. We live in a sick game.